By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
My mom and sister have a very very toxic co dependent enabling relationship all of my sister’s life and I leave them to it, but my sister is insane. I mean unmediated bat doo doo insane. So I guess it could be abusive with all the yelling they do with each other, but my mom really seems to get a lot out of that part too.
Are you risking losing assets, money, house etc if you leave them be? I don’t mean this in you missing out on inheritance, but the loss of money to care for her properly.In this case, he sounds at the least neglectful. She doesn’t sound well cared for. I would look into having her declared incompetent or getting some kind of agency or law involved. But you can talk that out with elder care before you actually do anything.
It sounds like you and your husband need to understand all the complexities before you do or don’t do anything.I think you need to at least consult with adult protective services. They can guide you on the ins and outs.
Walking away is a choice but in this case it sounds like your mother’s existence is in jeopardy and I think none of us want our parents to have a bad death.
If you feel brother is abusing Mom in any way, verbally or by withholding something, you need to contact Adult Protection Services. Give them a picture of what is going on and ask them to do a well check. Asking Mom questions without brother present. If he threatens you have a police record made up.
Your husband has the answer, walk away, let the two of them battle it out. Open your eyes and accept what is happening at face value, there is nothing you can do, yes, they are both toxic.
You say "I am in charge of her finances" but HE, meaning the troublesome brother "handles them currently". If you are POA and are allowing ANYONE ELSE (including the brother) to handle the finances you are violating your duty as a POA.
Again, who is POA for this woman with dementia? Because if there are not meticulous records, there will be a problem for whomever is POA.
There is nothing new in ner-do-well child getting the attention and the love.. If you are a believer, remember the story of the Prodigal Son.
I absolutely agree with your husband. If you are not POA, walk away. And there is no evidence that day care heals dementia or prevents it progression.