By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
BUT
You mention last time you visited he locked everyone out of their home.
Then you tell us in the responses that he is still at home.
That there can be no EMS intervention unless things are more severe.
My advice. LIE. Whomever is the POA needs to call EMS and have him involuntarily committed for assessment at the hospital or a neuro-psyc unit. Someone could get hurt here.
I am not clear who the POA is and I surely don't understand some MC "team" that lets this go on in this manner.
It is time for placement. And he will be a difficult placement.
This isn't depression; it is dementia with a violent and angry component and he needs treatment. Without a full workup there can be none.
So basically I am telling you that whatever lies you need to tell to get him assess then you need to tell them and get him assessed. It isn't OK that a family is held hostage to a man who may go on a rampage at any moment.
Catch words:
"We are not safe with this volatile acting out. My Mother is afraid."
"He has no awareness of what he is doing, has done. He has locked us out. We are afraid".
So try that memory care soon and let them know you are very close to the "ER DUMP" if that's what you must do to protect the family.
If medications are tried and work, then you can move on from there. But I have found they often don't work unless used in too large amount to have someone safely cared for in the home.
Good luck. I imagine you are dealing with this for some time before writing us and recognize it is worsening. It must be addressed and the MC team is just wanting to answer, ignore, and then deem this OK, all fixed. And you know it isn't.
Are they at all able to help you all manage his care?
Are they suggesting that he is “mostly capable of rational discussion”? “Moderate dementia”, if actually diagnosed, would suggest that that might not be the case.
It would seem that your mother’s welfare might be a more timely concern currently than his. Is anyone nearby watching out for her?
That "rational discussion" is my take. You can have real conversations with him - he's scoring I think around 19 on the MoCA. So in the low mild range from what I understand. Rationality-wise he's in the low mild range. Emotionally he's in the high moderate range. That is my opinion.
And yeah they are active in their church and have friends in their neighborhood. So she is not isolated, but I know it's really hard on her - and I really wish the MC folks would be a little more assertive about him starting on these meds. Because it seems like this is careening towards a bad outcome.
The next time he "blows up", call 911 and get him admitted to the psychiatric unit of the best teaching hospital in his area.
Alternatively, get your mom someplace safe and then call Adult Protective Services and report a vulnerable adult with no care.
I cared for my mom who lived to be 95. She had Parkinson’s disease and didn’t have any dementia until later on in her life. She didn’t have a volatile personality like your dad has.
I didn’t experience what you are going through. We were never afraid of her.
It’s sad that your children are in this position with their grandfather. How old are they?
I don’t think that I would expose your children to his disturbing behavior if he doesn’t agree to try the meds. I would stress to them that their grandfather is having trouble and they aren’t in any way to blame for his behavior.
My dad had bladder cancer, heart disease and a stroke, no dementia. He died at age 85.
Stick around because many others on this forum have experience with dementia and can give you some insight on what to do in your situation.
Wishing you and your family all the best. Take care.