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If the placement won't be happening immediately, is it possible for your sister to come to your house (rather than uprooting mom and sending her to her house) and be responsible for mom for a week while you and your husband take a much-needed vacation (even if it is only nearby) in order to safeguard your own marriage? That might be just the thing she needs to see that moving mom to a care facility is the best option.
Your marriage is #1 here. Moms decline will continue to the point ur sister cannot care for her. And she should be enjoying her childs teen years. Shortly he will be on his own. I assume she works.
Do what you need to do. At this point Mom probably has no idea what is going on. Tell her she is going to a new apartment and will have new friends. It worked with my Mom.
The huge surge in NY has mostly passed - yes there still are cases, but there are cases everywhere. As someone else pointed out, with onset of winter, flu, colds, etc will become more prevalent as well. Your mother would just as likely catch this virus or any other virus going around staying with you or your sister, as you have tasks to do outside the home, just like anyone else. Your homes are less likely to have strict sanitizing like a facility would as well. (sure there are lax places, but this doesn't appear to be one of them!)
Having a 15yo in the home might make it even more risky, as many under 18 can catch and spread the virus (and other illnesses) without any symptoms. Also, if she has a 15yo at home, is she currently working? If so, who will take care of your mother? Aides? It is very expensive to hire 24/7, or even enough to cover a working day (8 hr + commute, etc.) If there's no money, how will the aides be paid? If she hasn't done any of the care mom gets now, then she also has no idea how hard it is and how much harder it will become, even if she isn't working!
I did look up the place you mentioned, sounds like a great place. For worries about the virus, see:
https://www.gurwin.org/frequently-asked-questions-related-to-covid-19/
On that page, there is a link Visitation Update. Check that too. It does say that as restrictions are loosening, limited outdoor visits are about to start (as of today, it says Oct 7). If they do get a case, it resets the clock and stops visits, but still, it isn't like she would never see her! They also appear to have "drive through" visits. Granted this is more difficult, because the person stays inside and you stay in your car, but you still get to see each other! I had one outdoor visit with mom a few weeks ago. Between dementia, the masks, 6' distancing AND mom's lack of hearing, it was mostly a waste of time, but it is what it is.
If possible, perhaps they can also set up video visits. Most likely it would require help from staff, depending on how much your mother can understand/do, but at the least you both would be able to see and talk to her, just not in person.
After all the time and effort you've put into it (did she balk last minute?), you really don't want to miss this opportunity just to soothe your sister. If things didn't work out for sister doing the care, how long and difficult would it be to start over and find a place? On the flip side, if it *really* didn't pan out, and you both agreed it wasn't the right fit, you could take her out and let sister try, but I doubt that would happen!
Go for it!
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