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And when she moves home please set some boundaries about how much and how often you will help her.
There is a book called "Boundaries", and the author comments that when you put up boundaries when you haven't had them before, expect the other party to have a temper tantrum. (Paraphrasing...I can't remember his exact words, but close enough).
Good luck!
It is up to you what rules you make. Don't expect her to be happy about it. Old age and preparing to die isn't all that happy a time over all.
The rules are yours to make, but you are going to need to give up expectations of happiness around them. Won't happen.
Getting old makes people unhappy , understandably .
Some try to make the best of it .
But some are downright miserable . And some expect a servant to make it up to them . But often we find out nothing you do will make them happy .
You didn’t make her old , you can’t fix old .
This isn’t working well, and she won’t get better, so start thinking about your long-term plan to find someplace else where she’ll have friends, entertainment, fun and caregivers to hop to attention.
Good luck.
Don't quite understand why she is not in a facility where she can get 24/7 care.
Work on your boundaries, now is the time, she will continue to get worse and more needy.
Is someone telling you this selfish?
Or is this disordered thinking, leftover from a lifetime of abuse?
You say “she plans on this continuing when she moves back up to her house”. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. The usual result is a meltdown, then a time when she “just gives up altogether”, then when that doesn’t work and you don’t rush in to rescue, you can have a more sensible discussion about care. Particularly who does it, and where.
You have no obligation to do what you are told. Find your backbone!
Wishing you well.
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