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I call you a realist. You realize that certain things need to be in place to make life eventually easier for everyone. I too am the one who sets things up. Mainly because my DH cannot hear on a phone. I am a procrastinator too. But maybe you just need to make that appt with the lawyer. Get a generic Will off the internet and go over it with DH then take it to a lawyer to write it up. Then all DH has to do is go to the lawyer's office to sign it. Married couples making wills usually have what is yours is mine. Its the surviving spouse that does a new will distributing the assets to beneficiaries.
POAs are important. Just because you are married doesn't mean you have a right to step in for spouse or able to get health info on them. I just signed something where I didn't want a message left with my DH. Why? Because he doesn't hear well enough to get every word said and has screwed up messages before.
Actually, if you are accepting that you will do will/trust, poa on your own DO IT NOW. RIGHT NOW, if not yesterday! Your husband could be losing faculties. A recent article in a Sunday New York Times business section (google it under "Financial Mistakes May Indicate Dementia by Michell Andrews Sunday New York Times Business section) shows that executive function often is found in mistakes as much as 6 years before diagnosis of dementia. There is honestly no time to be lost. I think your husband now may be confabulating that he "COULD do this" if he wanted to, but doesn't want to.
As you know these things are crucial to get lined up. It honestly doesn't matter what nonsense he spouts about you being a "worrier". Thank god for them. If he wants to label you that then develop a comfort with it. Say "Dear, I know you believe I am a worrier, but we have an appointment with Trust and Estate Lawyer this Monday. If you don't wish to do this I can arrange it and have you come in only for reading, signing and witnessing."
DO IT. And do it now. Labels are all well and good. We just updated our trust and found out that deed titling on a complicated ownership of a building was not done well, and new filing should be done to prevent problems in future. So I cannot stress enough you need to keep the position you have either "taken" or was "conferred upon you".
him is what he wants and doesn’t want done to be in a living will and that was like pulling teeth. I just get tired of being made to feel like the bad guy because I ask the uncomfortable questions. I finally told him I will make things that he only has to go to the lawyers office and sign. I will tell the lawyer what to put in the documents, husband can read over them if he wants, just need his signature. He just wants to live in his little world and after 35 years he isn’t going to change. But I am the one that has to find a lawyer , meet with the lawyer, do all the calling and leg work while he watches Netflix.Just really frustrated with him.
I can totally understand your frustrations. You want this settled and behind you. Good for you. It amazes me that very wealthy people do this as well. Famous people with millions have died without having a will in place. It’s crazy!
I think that you are justified in feeling resentful about having to do these things alone but I think that by now you fully realize that it has been left up to you or it wouldn’t get done. There’s lots of talk about how we “prop people up” on this forum. I don’t feel that this situation falls into that category because it wouldn’t get done if you don’t do it and it is too important to let slide, so yes go ahead and take care of it and have him put his John Hancock on the final paperwork.
You have genuine concerns that absolutely need to be taken care of.
Wishing you all the best.
Can you share a bit more if there is something specific that you wish to address.