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You're not a bad daughter. Your mother is 41 and her husband should be caring for her issues, that's if he hasn't CAUSED them 😑
You make her understand that going to her house to help her is out of the kindness of your heart because you don't owe her a damn thing. Make sure she knows that your charity and goodwill towards her has a limit and she is very close to reaching it if she hasn't already.
Let me ask you something. Who supports your mother and pays her bills?
My guess is given her age in all likelihood she's on disability and collecting a check curtesy of the American taxpayer. Along with assistance with rent, utilities, food, and is on Medicaid.
I say this because Medicaid will pay for a home/health aide if they aren't already sending her one. This person would be the poor soul who is responsible for washing her soiled drawers, cleaning her up, taking care of her home, and running her errands.
This is not for you to do and you certainly should not be doing it.
Ummm yes, she is sick.
People who are sound of mind don't leave their underwear for weeks in a bucket in the toilet making their house reek.
Green staining that could be coming from her rectum needs checking. As another reply stated, it could be C. diff. Contact her physician at once.
Yes, they do. Never underestimate the the level an entitled, stubborn person will take a situation to.
People also have the 'Right to Rot' is they want to. Jollyrancher has done enough for this ungrateful, entitled mother who did not even raise them has all of ZERO right to demand anything.
This OP should call APS and walk away.
Without knowing your culture, I can't comment on her demands.
Also, while this problem continues (please get her to a Dr.) she should be wearing I disposable adult briefs.
Mom is obviously ill. Maybe mentally (more than maybe) and physically.
It does sound like she picked up some notions from her mom (your grandma) and this may explain some things.
You are NOT responsible for your mother, for her care.
If there are problems this is going to be a long road for you and you should not be giving up your life. If mom has no family it may be best if her care is taken over by the state.
The fact that you mom is not a "senior" means that your contact might be limited to Social Security Disability for her.
Most Senior Service Centers have Social Workers that might help and give you starting places to contact for information and help.
Please keep us posted and if you can provide more information that might help.
Is your dad around
Or does she have a husband
does she currently work
What part of the country do you live
Oh, to answer your actual question...Are you a bad daughter...the answer is no but this may be an involved problem.
Hopefully you meant that YOU are 41. not your mother. You may be dealing with both mental and physical illness if your poor mom is only 41.
I fear there is more going on here than problems with hygiene (when did all of this START?).
Your mother sounds to be failing and needs a complete physical and mental workup. ASAP.
Might I ask what the overall conditions are of her home? Is she able to cook for herself, to clean the home? Is there hoarding going on? How old are you and how old is she? Do the two of you live together? Is there other family present in the home?
Hoping to get a bit more clarity on this issue from you, and wishing you the best of luck. I think that you know that this is an issue for your mother's MD.
I have a feeling you maybe from a different country and English is not your first language. Here in the US we have Adult protection services that will step in. If you have anything like that, call them. Your Mom is sick if she has a discharge. And maybe some mental problems.
(I'll add *independant* adults - as a person may be semi-independant or fully dependant on others due to illness, disability or frailty).
Jolly, you do your Mother's laundry. Why? Do you have a sort of deal? Eg Do the housework for an allowance?
Something isn't adding up here. Do you live in a foreign country? Or are you a troll?
I'm glad that you're no longer living with her. Just make sure that you never do again, as your mom is young enough to take care of herself and do her own chores.
And if you don't like going to her house...then don't. It's as simple as that.
And that doesn't make you a bad daughter, but a smart one who knows their own boundaries.
My mom groomed me to be her caregiver, at a young age but this is extreme.
I like to ask every 30 year old to ask there parents what they expect out of them when they get older. If they expect you to be there caregiver RUN, don't walk run!
Are friend Alva on this forum always says. You didn't ask to be born , why is it that we are expected to take care of them. A parents job, when we bare children, is to love them. It's not there childrens job to love us parents back.
Your situation is so extreme, compared to any of heard of. A true life Cinderella story.
I am actually a bit speechless and pretty discussed at a grown a$& adult treating her child like that. You should be out enjoying you life. I'm going to chime in later I need some coffee.
I will say, I'm glad you found us here, and welcome to are forum.