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Resume your life with your own family. You can be an advocate for your sister and visit as often as you like.
Best wishes to you and your sister.
There is no room for guilt when dealing with a person who has dementia. You do the best you can and accept the facts of the matter.
I have 2 in homes 1 AL the other MC, both are well cared for and safe, they are just where they need to be.
Listen to your family, they must come first. Becoming self absorbed with your sisters issues will help no one.
Plus they will have activities that will keep her busy if she so chooses.
Your sister will be just fine in memory care and you will be able to get back to just being her sister and advocate.
However, what are YOUR concerns?
You pose the question to us due to how you are feeling about it -
uncertain?
guilty?
tired/exhausted?
want more quality time for yourself/your life
- this is OKAY to feel and want, although it sounds like you feel some guilt around this desire - which could be partially why you are asking us. (And good for you for reaching out to us!)
- torn because xxx (write this out for you. Sometimes writing and seeing in b/w provides a different perspective).
* We are on the outside looking in and that is all we can do.
* Your heart will know what to do.
* And, therapy may help you figure out how you feel and what is right for you, and your sister.
* I am thinking more so of you/r - quality of life and your age. You deserve to live more of your life without this stress, no matter how much you love her, it is stressful. This isn't to say that you do not care, clearly you are a very loving sister. However, it seems to me that having your sister reside in memory care will serve both of you well.
- You will have as much access to her as you wish.
- You can take her out as you wish.
- She will be with constant (employees / CNA - she will get to know them) vs the possibility of caregivers 'coming and going' (and as one response here indicated, they may cancel a shift and then you are on again, and in an emergency situation. You do not need this responsibility (at 66) ...
(As you indicate), you are grateful you/she has financial options. In the nicest of ways to say. this "take advantage of these resources" - This is, in part, what they are for -
* When your negative 'self-talk' comes up, reframe it to positive words "I am doing what is in the best interest of xxx (sister's name). I will continue to do everything I can for her. I know she would want me to be happy and enjoy my life as much as possible."
- You can come up with your own positive responses. Write them down and read them.
Gena / Touch Matters
Home caregivers cannot provide as much care as a facility can. Socializing is better in a facility. Equipment is already there, and you don't have to buy it, rent it, clean it, find a place to put it, and make sure the caregivers know how to use it. On and on and on - I've done it for both parents. I'll never do it again as long as there's another option.
There's also an issue of personalities. The home caregivers must get along with each other and be able to cooperate. You'll need insurance to cover them in case they hurt themselves taking care of the patient. You'll need to master and manage the payroll taxes.
If sister is in a facility, you might be able to take more time off. Tuesdays and weekends is way too much time to take away from your own life.
I hope she's not still driving. If so, you'd better address that right away.
You could start out by having her go to a few activities in the MC so she gets to know staff and some residents. (Is /if the Memory Day Care is in the same building or in the MC unit that works perfectly)
You could then tell her that her apartment is due for some repairs and she could then move in to the MC.
She is lucky to have you looking out for her.
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