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The very next day, same man hapoy to see his family. Said he had been in SO SCARED the day before he didn't know what he had said, but ignore it. He was angry at falling, angry at his failing health, scared of pain, scared of the future. He told me he had demanded his son move into his home to care for him. I asked if his son worked, was married, had children, his own house? Yes of course he said.. but what will I do?? He was a mess of abandonment & fear. Anxious ++, teary, expressing fear. I believe referral dor Psychologist for talk therapy & meds for anxiety were prescribed.
Some older people seem so relisient, almost immune to lifes ups & downs. But others feel deeply, almost like the full on overwhelming feelings of teenages.
Feeling SAFE is needed first. Adjustment & joing activities will hopefully come.
Those who threaten suicide as a manipulation tactic are evil. Years ago my daughter was involved with someone who threatened suicide if she broke up with him. My daughter called his father.
His father happened to be a policeman. He tracked down his son through his cell phone. My daughter’s ex boyfriend was taken to a psychiatric hospital.
Call 911 if suicide attempts are made. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I hope things improve for you soon.
Quote: "It’s known as “the Anger Iceberg,” because it shows other emotions and feelings that may lurk below the surface. Sometimes it’s embarrassment, loneliness, depression, or fear. Other times, it’s a combination of several feelings".
Moving to a new place can be frightening & losing a home can causes grief.
Taking it out on your 'safe person' the one you trust to love you is a normal reaction. Not nice for you Pamela! 😕 See what helps..
I'm sorry you had to move Mom. It takes time to adjust. But you will be OK here.
She’s better off in her assisted living facility.
Have you spoken with the staff about how she is when you aren’t there?
It’s sad that her friends told her that she can pack up and go back home instead of encouraging her to settle in her new surroundings.
Wondering if meds would calm her down.
I would make sure she gets tested for a UTI. I would see if there is a geriatric psychiatrist who can see her and evaluate her depression.
Agreed that PT might help with getting her stronger.
It is always hard for me to say "don't visit" at the beginning, because I know my mom would have been scared. But if your presence sets her off, then yes, it might be best to step back for a bit and let her settle in.
Can you talk to her friends and find out what she told them she didn't like?
I may call her apartment friends and tell them that Mom can no longer be on her own. That them telling her she can pack up and move back is not an option.
Does the staff tell you things like she is settling in well, or what ?
Ask the staff how she’s doing .
Even after adjustment , some act miserable around family but if you ask the staff , the staff says they seem adjusted .
Don't engage her, she is trying to manipulate you, if she can move without your help and be 100% independent without your help, fine.
Don't underestimate old people, many know every trick in the book and will use it to get their way, although they can no longer take care of themselves.
You are her emotional prisoner, do something about it.
Three weeks is not enough time for her to settle in, especially if you are going there all the time. The first weeks are the hardest and visits should be kept to a bare minimum if at all.
My father in law chose his assisted living home then also wanted to leave and go back to his apartment. We told him he needs to be where there is staff to help him in case he needs help. We told him it was not safe for him to live alone anymore .
It takes time to adjust , can be 6 months or more . Limit your visits and phone calls .
Ask the facility to have a social worker , therapist or psychologist speak to her at her facility. Perhaps a geriatrician or geriatric psychiatrist could see her and prescribe a med to calm her down. I’m wondering if there is some dementia going on here as well .