By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
If your dad was in his right mind he certainly would NOT want his children arguing over his care and because of him.
It's just not worth it...really it's not.
You say it will take all of Dad's finances, but that is fine. Just as he has to pay now for housing, utilities and food, a memory care center will provide his housing, utilities and food.
But the family disagreements are not going to end there.
Once Dad is moved out of his home, or he passes, the family will be left with the task of distributing his assets; what will happen with his home, his belongings, his bank accounts? That often brings family members to angry fights.
The POA needs to step up and take charge, whether anyone agrees with them or not.
They won't have to worry about distributing the father's assets if they place him and he passes away. The memory care will make sure they rob every cent (and legally allowed) so there will be nothing to distribute among heirs.
Your father most likely needs 24/7 supervision. And can not be ( live ) alone any longer .
Call Dads local Area of Aging . They will
send a social worker out to talk to Dad. This is what I did to prove to my siblings that my mother wasn’t safe home alone any longer . The social worker will do a care needs assessment .
The social worker asked my mother a bunch of questions, like what to do in emergencies etc . The social worker determined that Mom could not “ come up a plan “ for any of the hypothetical situations the social worker proposed . My mother’s needs were that she needed 24/7 supervision.
Hopefully this will open up your siblings eyes. Good Luck .
much responsibility. Step back, refuse to take on the lion’s share of work as you’ve been doing, and see what happens.
Siblings can be very different personality types! May be brought up by the same parents but still gain different values. Have different life experiences that shape them. Certainly have different financial means & other obligations in their life to balance.
Some louder & shouty about stuff, some quietly resentful. Some doing hands-on practical help, some better at emotional support.
Sometimes a 'bossy boots' springs up - with a roster in hand demanding duty & assigning everyone without concent..
Sometimes battlelines get drawn up & sides chosen. Between the Keep Mom or Dad at home until the end vs It's time for 24/7 supported Care.
ie Home vs Care Home
Getting a Social Worker involved FOR DAD may help. Not to decide what to do, but to spell it all out in a more factual way (also less reactive way). I personally found this very useful. To better understood others' viewpoints but mostly to learn better ways to communicate.
My main thought is with my family is my mom is causing the issue between siblings to keep us separated. She doesn't want us talking.
She fell last year, made my brother promise to not tell anyone. Then calls me says her ribs hurt, and ask me to bring her to doctors. I had no clue about the fall. That was 2 years ago
This year she hurts her back bad, says she didn't fall. X-rays doctors all that. Sister that I don't talk to goes to moms, and she tells her about a bump on her leg. Never told me, told me she didn't fall. Now 6 months later I'm learning about a bad bump on her leg at the same time as her back issues
Mom is literally causing all are issues so we don't communicate.
Time to step aside and let that person do his job or file for guardianship. Listen to everyone here. I wish I had found this site years ago……..my family is beyond repair at this point.
it was a big help for us all. And I think my Dad got better care because we were all on it. There were disagreements, but as the medical person in the family, and the POA, I pulled the trump card a few times. But I tried to listen and be generous and kind and build consensus whenever there were disagreements.
Good luck to you
I hope you and your family can walk through this experience together. It is one of commitment and values and honor. You are doing a wonderful thing for your dad. All dad knows is where he is now.
Anyways, always look to the future and use this as experience; for your children or loved ones should be in dad's position.
See All Answers