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These 1935 to 1950, protoboomers to early boomers, think they’re so special like they haven’t heard of aging. That is bs. When they were in their 20s and 30s they watched the Twilight Zone, which covered the topic of aging parents at least three times. No, it wasn’t the Walton’s, not even then.
So I just waited. Eventually that phone came, 911 was called, Mom was hospitalized due to a very serious fall, sent to rehab but the damage was too far great, sent to a nursing home. Dad hired a caregiver for himself (Mom would refuse them) and he visited Mom daily at the nursing home. Eventually Dad said time to sell the house and he moved into senior living. Oh how he wished my Mom would had agreed to that, he loved the place.
That's what I wonder, reading your tale.. plus also for my own folks (in this now). One wanted to move to AL years ago, the other didn't. Then a health crises & retraction of that AL wish, refusing home care help while the other agrees! Never on the same page.
After that all you can do unfortunately is let her drive the bus and sit back and wait.
Good luck navigating this difficult situation.
Then tell her about nice assisted living facilities near you, and maybe take her to visit a few. If she is still resistant, ask her about her final wishes - funeral? Embalm or cremate? Burial place? If that STILL doesn't get through to her, tell her that you recognize her right to refuse help and that next time you receive a fall call, you'll call 911. They'll take her to the hospital, and you can handle it from there as others have suggested - tell them they need to place her because there's is no one at home to continue this charade of "I'm living independently."
It's sad that it so often comes down to this.
My mother is in AL, she also is 99, she really likes it, friends, activities and more.
She has been there for 3+ years.
Offer her the option of getting in home caregivers or moving into Assisted Living, her choice. If you don't have POA, next time she falls, call 911 and get her sent to the ER to get checked out. Then tell them there's nobody at home to care for this woman and she's an UNSAFE DISCHARGE. The social worker will have to find placement for her.
She's not going to ever stop falling until she breaks something and is then bedbound, since it is illegal to restrain someone. If she's refusing help then this may be a clear sign of her cognitive decline: no rational person would refuse help. She may not even be remembering that she fell. Extreme and irrational "stubbornness" is definitely a behavior symptom of dementia.
Is she on any meds for anxiety, agitation or depression? If not, this may help if she cooperates in taking them.
You DO have to prioritize your own life, so she needs oversight from someone else, or/and somewhere else.
These are solutions, if you accept it.
My 100-yr old Aunt with advanced dementia fell getting out of her own bed in her own home (and we had her "barricaded" to try to prevent this since she hasn't been able to walk without assistance for years). Even while in rehab she was still trying to get out of bed. I was in the process of finding facility care for her knowing that she would continue to get up and fall. "Thankfully" she passed away peacefully in her sleep before this happened.
I wish you peace in your heart as your find on a solution that works as good as possible for the both of you.