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This is what works for me not just for the loved one you are caring for but for my siblings "the firing squad". Everyone has heard of the Dollar Store's. Basically, I have (2) notebooks--mine and Mom's. Never the two shall meet. We have our own money.
Every transaction that I make for my mother out of her $$$ there is a paper trail.
I do NOT use the tiny check ledger, instead I simply use a notebook from the Dollar Store.
There is a running tab of the balance that is remaining in my mother's account. I have a separate notebook (different color) my name is on it.
I have a box of white business envelopes. Each month I write on the front
September 2022 in the middle (up on the left hand corner, person's name)
and below on the left--debit and checking account receipts.
If I buy a donut and coffee the receipt goes into the envelope for the month.
I do this faithfully everyday. We don't buy a lot, but all receipts--doctors' office co-pays go into my wallet and once a day I do the entries. You always have a running tab of income and expenses.
If my siblings walked through the door at any time, they can have access to this ledger/notebook as well as my mother. I do this exact same routine for myself.
Prior to my answering you I just went online and reviewed the accounts. I do this every morning. I open up the notebook and check off which checks have cleared--we have new mail people and I want to make sure all bills are being paid on time.
I have been doing this system for years and it works. If there ever was a mistake you can catch it right away and simply refer to the "envelope" for that particular month.
Keep in mind, you are not going to explain this to your mother, it's too much information but you could simply show her where the notebook is. That way there she knows she has money and just reinforce, "Mom whatever you need, we will make sure you have it"!
A lot of the drug store chains are NOT providing sales receipts (prescriptions) if you don't ask prior especially if you go through the drive through. These receipts are important as evidence if there is a question or a computer glitch a the drugstore chain as to when the last scrip was picked up.
I hope this helped!
You can use her statement and overlay the real numbers with new numbers with extra zeros at the end, then run it through a color copy machine. Voila. New statement. Mom is rich.
Oh, use white-out to cover up the "Closing," and leave just the "Balance."
If I were you, I would tell mom you're taking care of HER and her finances to the best of your ability, and she is welcome to move into a Skilled Nursing Facility tomorrow if she doesn't trust you or care to live with you any longer. If not, the bank statements are online and not available in paper form any longer, sorry. If she would like, you can write down the bottom line number on a piece of paper for her every month showing the balance of her account and that's IT. PERIOD. Try distracting her off the subject when she gets harping on it, and try to keep her interactions with her friend with dementia to a minimum as well.
Dementia is extremely difficult & frustrating to deal with, that's for CERTAIN!
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet ( a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
There's a bunch of tips & suggestions in that article that may help you deal and cope with your mother & her antics. Try not to take her words personally and realize that suspiciousness & paranoia go with the territory with dementia.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Best of luck with a difficult situation.
There was a lady at Moms AL the aides did not like. She was always agitating. The new residents she would tel, how horrible the place was and how she was stolen from. All part of the desease but caused problems for the aides.
Maybe you should have your mom spend less time with her friend. Maybe the friend only has supervised visits and if she veers the conversation into the paranoia department, redirect the conversation and don't let her linger on it, If all else fails, ask her what today's date is and who is the President and Vice President. Show your Mom her friend is having issues.
Also consider that your Mom may now have the beginnings of dementia/paranoia herself. Don't feel hurt -- this is only the tip of the iceberg if she lives long enough to develop full dementia.
Last night my 100-yr old Aunt got angry at me when I was wiping her private area and accused me of being a "professional a** toucher" (LOL!)
My mother started telling my brother that I was stealing from her (even though she qualified for Medicaid and had nothing to steal); this happened after she had a heart attack. I, of course, was embarrassed, but mostly crushed by the person I loved the most. Her doctor told me that heart attacks cut off the oxygen to the brain and that hallucinations are common: and, so it is with anything that affects the brain. After all, that's where our imagination lives. Perhaps she and her friend might want to go to Assisted Living together, where money issues are discussed anymore?