By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I went for support regarding a family member's struggle. I didn't need to attend long, but I was utterly amazed by the community there. Just a FINE group. Yeah, a few had a day when they needed "a whine", but that's OK.
I later attended AA more than a few times with my brother and his partner, who was an alcoholic. Again, this was a community in which there were more than a few options--Palm Springs in California. But wow, I was so impressed. I mean, I wanted to attend just because it was kind of Church without being Church (I am an atheist and I truly all my life have missed out on the "community" that church can be).
Anyway, good luck on finding a good fit there!
I pray for, and avoid them.
They don't deserve room in my head.
Even those who don’t stand up for others, are a type of bully, too. It isn’t only what you do, but what you don’t do, to support someone.
OP, you are not too sensitive, and you haven’t mis-read anything. Bullies are real. A bully won’t admit they’re a bully. And those who have a bit of bully in them, will defend other bullies.
Spend time with the people who truly care for you. For most people, that’s about one or two people.
Often, it is very easy to perceive something as cyberbullying in a support forum - because the advice is not something you want to hear. I'll be honest and say that sometimes when I've received advice in any forum - I have had to take a step back and realize that it isn't personal, even though what is happening to you IS personal. VERY often people can see themselves in our shoes because they have already been in our shoes. And they may be very passionate about a topic because they are trying to spare others the heartache they went through.
Now, name calling and threats are not acceptable. But often we are already in a sensitive place when we come to a forum like this one - and we don't want to hear anything but people agreeing with us. But when you post your situation on a support forum - often the advice you get is not what you thought it would be.
But sometimes - just like when as caregivers we have to make choices for our loved ones that they don't necessarily want or like but are what they NEED, sometimes posters here NEED to hear certain things that they don't want to hear.
I'll give you a good example. When I first came here- my FIL was going to put us all in an early grave. But we wanted to blame him for not doing what we wanted to do. I completely own that. What I learned here - sometimes bluntly - was that WE did have some control. It just wasn't easy and we would have to stiffen our spines and do things that weren't exactly second nature. But the biggest problem we had - was ourselves.
I kept coming back because no matter how the information was delivered - the longer I listened - the more sense it all made. We were our own problem. We were allowing FIL to take advantage and tell four grown adults how all of us were going to live our lives to suit HIS needs and demands.
It took a while to get everyone on board, but after a while, all of that advice paid off.
Had I walked away the first time I got all in my feelings about how I was receiving the information - it NEVER would have happened.
Trust me - there may be some very strong opinions here. I, for one, have certainly developed a very passionate approach since coming here LOL. But it is rare that I see someone bullied by a regular. More often the bullies are people who come in to stir the pot!
I believe that I personally am the "bully" that Romeo is complaining about.
I said some mean things, and have been told before I tend toward mean.
So I apologize, Romeo. Things I have said to you were uncalled for and were out of place on this Forum.
I am 82. If by now I have not learned to scroll away from things that annoy me without feeling a need to expound at length, there may not be a whole lot of hope for me. But I can TRY to do better, and will promise you I will attempt that.
The reason I think that my mean comments were THE mean comments is that I believe that they were reported and removed. I take seriously our admins critiques.
Another here in a private message told me that while I claim that my tough love is kindly meant, I come across often like the abuser husband who tells his wife he hurt her for her own good. What she said to me initially hurt and angered me. After a few weeks of thinking on it I feel I must OWN what she believes of me, and her criticism is VALID.
I am a lover of Dr Laura (who the rest of the world seems to love to hate) and I have often been most helped by a few hard knocks upside the head; who knows, it's likely a hard hard head. Dense perhaps. I still think our sympathy often doesn't help folks move on to real help.
BUT I have known when I was swinging toward "mean girl" and I didn't monitor myself. I am a bit prideful. A lover of words. A smart alec. To which Dr. Laura would say "We have quite enough SMART people in this world; what we don't have enough of is KIND people".
So, Romeo, I apologize. My behavior was bad and uncalled for.
I will scroll on and leave you to those on Forum who can better help you, and I will wish you the best. I will also say, that in a very real sense, your parents are lucky to have you in the building, and some day you may just feel happy and proud you could help them in this way. You're good at remembering dialog and I think you could write a heck of a book just by conversations. Did you ever read Roz Chast's book "Can't we Talk About Something More Pleasant? You would LOVE it! It's one of those illustrated books, and it's so funny. She is a cartoonist for the New Yorker. I think I will never get over her mom's story of her fall "I was doing the stork thing, putting on my pants".
I hope your hubby does really well! He's a gem. But you know that. Take care.
First of all, I don't remember and honestly don't care who said that about your husband, but I will say when I read it I didn't agree and understand your anger.
I will also add, that you have away of annoying people on here. For me it's the way I pored my heart out to you and stuck up for you, then felt laughed at by you.
I do think you are not finding peace in your life and a bit addicted to drama, and I do not mean that in a bad sence, its happened to me, to many people.
I don't plan on going on your post anymore, because I don't want the drama from anyone anymore.
I also do think we often create are own drama, and do teach those around us how to treat us. Your parents are not young so that's more difficult to change them.
But I wish you well, peace, and happiness. And continue the work you are doing with your life and kick it up a notch or 10.
😊🙏🙂↕️
We have to look inside are selves to figure out why and how to change it. To prevent it from happening again.
We need to step back and look at the big picture"
These are your words from your post. I don't think I "twisted" them at all.
As I said, if you have issues with THIS particular poster - and I haven't followed the posts, so I am not saying those issues aren't justified - then call out this individual instance and this individual poster. Don't use blanket terms like "anyone who has been bullied", and then get upset when people question the term.
And to deal with you saying, that's not what I was saying, that it is the victims fault, yes, that's exactly what you said. But, any justification will work when you are looking for one.
And I did not respond to many and should not of responded to this either.
I do believe that in a sence, we teach people how to treat us.
Because, quite frankly, then it's not a great leap to "well, no WONDER you were sexually assaulted, look at what you're wearing/where you're walking/who you're hanging out with" or "well of course your spouse beat you up, look at the dirty house/what you made for dinner/what you said to him/her".
Do you really think people who have been/are being chronically bullied haven't thought long and hard about their own behavior, and what they can do to reduce the incidents?
If you feel THIS particular poster isn't being (hasn't been) bullied in THIS particular incident, that's one thing. But that blanket statement you made is utterly ridiculous, and is, quite frankly, blaming the victims.
If you feel THIS poster has been wasting people's time here with their posts, you have the option to simply NOT RESPOND to them. If you feel that Romeo is just playing games here out of boredom, then DON'T RESPOND. Not every post merits every member of the forum to come and offer an opinion. The last I knew, Agingcare doesn't offer a discount to posters who reach a quota of responses in a week or month.
But absolutely, if you feel disrespected, go to counseling to figure out why and how to change it.
I understand what you are saying and I'm sorry, but Google things like how to get respect on the job, or anything and there is loades of information on how to gain respect.
Like just for instance, do what you say your going to do. don't promise things and say I'm coming to your party and don't show.
Don't say over and over you will get counseling and don't get it.
I myself put much time and energy, thought, love and caring into Romeo, and most of all patients. To get pretty much laughed and told we are funny.
I'm hurt and a bit annoyed.
As for your question, I hundred percent believe a person that is not being respected should get therapy and figure out why.
This forum is supposed to be for people in your shoes, if it helps you, keep posting, who cares what
others say or if they respond to you or not.
On this forum please just report the posts that concern you, its a good system and it works.
We have to look inside are selves to figure out why and how to change it. To prevent it from happening again.
We need to step back and look at the big picture
I have been in your shoes, you need to learn to ignore it or grow thicker skin when dealing with posters that attack you for not following their opinions and advice.
https://www.agingcare.com/aboutus/member-comment-policy
Now you're posting again, trying to convince us you're the victim, after getting tons and tons of useful advice?
Many of us have been forum members for a number of years, not because we like social media so much. But because we've walked a hard road with our loved ones and come here to share those experiences with others who are struggling. Not to play games or give 24/7 advice to people who are just fooling around online wasting time and don't really want it. Reddit is a much better place for that type of drama than AC. I suggest you take your future questions there.
Then I stood my ground & stood up for myself. That worked. It worked again at 12 & has done ever since.