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Do you have a relationship with a therapist now? If not, please consider finding one.
Mom’s year-end drama affects your holidays, too. It’s time to short-circuit that.
Mom would love for your every thought and every action to be all about her. Well tough sh*t. She’s a grown-azz woman and her mindset is wildly inappropriate. Dad is a handful, too.
Your primary commitment is to your husband and your immediate household. The goal is for you to be fully-present for him (them?) and with him (them?).
That is very different than you venting to him (them?) at home - and him (them?) trying like heck to be supportive without absorbing your pain.
I don’t know what it will take for you to pump the brakes with Mom & Dad, but a good therapist can help you get there. Re-defining how much of YOU your parents can have is the best gift you can give to yourself and your husband (and kids - if you have kids).
Your Mom and your Dad are incapable of being happy. Incapable of giving. Incapable of being supportive.
They’ll talk in circles and raise holy h*ll with or without you.
Nothing you do - or will do - or can do for your parents will be enough. Don’t chase it; embrace it.
A good therapist can help you find the freedom in this.
Re-setting your boundaries will require work and it will feel awkward. And it will be the best gift you can give to yourself. Do it!
(((big hugs)))
You may have to let Mom and Dad hit bottom. If Dad is competent, then he can make his own decisions. If he won't leave, then he will be evicted which doesn't take overnight. It sounds to me like Dad has some problems. Has he been evaluated for Dementia? It sounds like he is in his own little world and needs a reality check.
So sorry you have to deal with this but by law ur parents can make their own decisions and you are going to have to let them. Your family is ur priority. They come first. Just going to have to let parents do what they do.
I think at this point your parents are just not going to change. . . Just brainstorming here but can you still love them and NOT try so hard? Is there anyway to detach from the day to day craziness?