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Yes, we're old and we could fall. That's a fact. However, we try to minimize fall risk. We're careful and watch where we're going. We live in a single-story home. Although we stay as active as we reasonably can, we don't get around as much or as fast as we did in our younger years. We no longer use a ladder or try to perform tasks that require intact balance. He uses a cane. I don't yet but may in the foreseeable future. Luck undoubtedly plays a part, as well, but repeated falls may not necessarily be inevitable for all old people.
If she is spouse of a veteran or veteran herself, you may benefit calling VA Services to inquire about VA benefits to assist with her care in home or other assistance.
What does she want? What is quality of life for her? What are safety needs? What is family availability? Finances?
These are all questions to ask self and also confer with Elder Law Attorney for advice re accountability in caring for aging.
Best wishes to you. Take care.
Consider hiring more help, go on the visit but not to work, rather to enjoy her and relax with her.
Hire a housekeeper for while you are there or an extra caregiver so you can work in a bit more relaxation for yourself. Whatever makes more sense to not distract yourself with chores. Try that on mentally to see if that would work for a little while. Perhaps be a little more intentional with your visits.
Acknowledge that you are getting older, her time is getting shorter and you have anxiety. That won’t change no matter where she lives.
Check back in and let us know how you are feeling. We care.
When does *possible* change to *non-possible*? Do you want to wait for an event? Just work it all out as you need? As a team?
Or are you a planner. Prefer to have a good path laid out?
Is it worry about falls?
Or falls are a worry?
That can be a factor but even then not the decider. The well & active can move into AL & can adapt & socialise. A quiet homebody may quietly accept the care & had not spoken up about how lonely they were. But then, others miss their home terribly, don't accept or adapt quite as well.
Some prefer to stay in their home til they are carried out. Taking copious risks but choosing to do so. Some families rail against this - some are the biggest supporters.
I guess it's a good time to start the conversations. With Mom - are you OK? Is living here ok? Or getting tough? Talk to your siblings. Are they finding the current setup OK? Or burdonsome? What's the plan when one drops out or reduces their visits? Will it be time for change then?
Sorry I offer no solutions. Just things to think about. Take it easy & let new thoughts emerge.
It doesn’t seem to be working on your side.
It’s time.
You matter, too.
Since someone is uprooting their life and going to stay with mom on a regular basis, I'd say that it's time. If you were all taking turns staying there for a short term recovery, that'd be one thing. As this is a case of age related decline, it's not going to get better and won't end unless you place her somewhere.
Please stop worrying about her falling. I'm sure you have her house set up in a way that makes it less likely that she'll fall, but elders can and will fall no matter how much you watch them. It's inevitable so look at it as a fact of life and reduce your stress level.
You should be staying in FL with your hubby in your lovely community. And going to visit mom when it works for you.
Best of luck.
If I could do it over again, I would have moved my mom earlier, when she still had a clear mind and could have enjoyed the facility more. She was an introvert, and I do not believe she would have every embraced it completely but I have learned that if they move when they are still clear headed and can enjoy the social aspects, it is a much easier transition.
What makes an ALF great is the social aspect, nice dining, friends her own age with the additional security of knowing someone is watching frequently. The hardest part for me was knowing when to make the next transitional move based on her decline.
Hope this helps as you consider your options.