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Giving or accepting a gift isn't against the law. Giving a gift after a cognitive decline but before incapacitation is legal too, and so is the acceptance of such a gift. Many posters on this forum have stated they consider getting seniors to make gifts or change/sign documents favoring one child after a cognitive decline to be "taking advantage" of the parent. That may be true, and in several states taking advantage is also illegal _if_ it can be proved.
I personally believe there should be a law requiring any transactions or gifts after a dementia diagnosis should have a "in the best interest of the principal" requirement. Maybe anything over $10,000 requires a judge's approval? I have known of instances where a senior deeded property and bank/investment accounts over to someone following a dementia diagnosis and then couldn't qualify for Medicaid without a hardship wavier. TN has laws on the books allowing Medicaid recovery to go after "gifts" made during the 5 year look back but it isn't usually enforced unless it's a good deal of money and the gifted person still has at least most of the money.
What were the other 5 sibs supposed to do?? My parents willingly 2nd mortgaged their home for OB to 'invest' and he spent all the money. Neither parent had dementia or any sort of mental impairment (other than blindly adoring this jerk). They go to retire and they have no savings, no equity to draw on. THEY allowed this to happen.
Sadly, mom has had to live the last 23 years in my YB's home, and it's NOT what she wanted, but letting OB take her little 'all'--well, it's rotten he did that, and it's not the least bit uncommon--but the law wouldn't step in.
Stealing IS illegal. Problem is when family gets involved and it gets real messy.
It is okay and actually a reasonable situation to have a parent pay you rent if they are living in your house. It makes it their home and gives a lot of older folks a sense of pride knowing that they are paying their way.
Just because your stepdad received money for being disabled in war does not mean that your mom gets that same amount. My aunt had to fight for any financial assistance after my uncle died from a war related illness. I promise you it was nowhere near what he was receiving. She didn't get injured in war, she is not entitled to the same benefits.
I would recommend that you don't worry about your moms money unless you are being asked to pay her way or she is living in your house, quite frankly it is no ones business until they die or become incompetent.
Who has told you what is happening? My dad told people what he thought was going on and it was a loooooong way from reality. Be sure of your facts.
On the other hand, I do know there are some terrible situations where the parent did not prepare for this time in their life by assigning POA, etc., to someone and unfortunately, the children are going to suffer having to deal with it and get control. It's hard enough to manage taking care of parents, from all angles, with the laws that already make it hard, but I would certainly hate to see laws passed that would create even more hurdles for children to have to get through.
In 2014 after my father fell and broke his hip, he signed his entire life savings over to me to manage for him and mom so they could move into Assisted Living and continue to live there for life. Dad passed in 2015; my mother is still alive and now living in Memory Care at $6500 a month not including medication and about $300 a month in other expenses. I have managed their money down to the penny, and wake up in cold sweat worrying that the money will run out in about 18 months time and then I'll have to apply for Medicaid.
Not 'everyone' steals their parents blind, and OMG it blows my mind that you'd even say such a thing! Not to mention I've seen no posts from people complaining about their children doing such a thing. What exactly are you talking about?
Has this happened to you, or to your parent?
Laws are already in place, if our elders plan ahead and put their legal affairs and paperwork in order. Though I'm sure there is room for improvement, I really don't want this stuff to become even more complicated. True, some people don't plan ahead and find themselves at the mercy of their adult children or other family members -- this is if the elder even has any money or assets set aside for old age. That's another issue.