By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
But the nurses at the nursing home knew that my mother, normally pretty nice to me, was abusive about a certain issue, because she couldn't (or didn't want to) comprehend the truth. The head nurse said, "When she treats you like that, don't visit for a few days."
I thought, "I can't do that!"
Why would I think that? She was well taken care of by people I knew and trusted. It's just that she loved all the extras I did "just right" for her every morning. I spoiled all of my elders rotten, and that's okay in a way, but I paid a price.
Anyway, one time I was so upset when left that I just couldn't to the following day. I didn't even call. When I went the day after, she was soooo nice! Dementia or not, she "got it."
I learned something that day. As I said, I'm still learning. But I did learn a little. We have to take care of ourselves, too. And often the best thing for the person you are caring for is that they retain as much independence as possible, even if it gives them some pain to do things. It's live and learn for all of us.
This site has so many bright and caring people on it. I'm just thrilled when I log in and see some of these posts.
Carol
My husband also was very controlling and would micomanage every thing I did and I allowed it because I wanted to be a good loving wife. It took me really getting angery how he and the staff in the short term nursing home he was in at the time to change, they and he treated me like I was not important in the big pictire-they told me not to come to the discharge planning meeting because they all including my husband had made up their minds and were not going to listen to me. I knew he was being discharged too soon-his infection was not healed from his foot where he had had two toes removed and he could not do his ADL'S- activities of daily living. When he came home he said he needed much even though he and the N.H said he could do things for himself--I made him do the things he said he was able to and was firm about- there was a lot of crying and fussing on his part but he did start doing things -he did try to drag me into the servent role but I kept up saying you and they said you could do it and finally he did start to at least try. Also he had to be readmitted to the hospital for 6 days and had to go back to rehab--I told him if he went back to the same one I would not go to see him-our son would have to take him in clean clothes etc. He did go to another N,H. for rehab and now is fussing to come home but our insurance--which we pay a lot for will let him stay for another few weeks. I told him if he comes home too early and I did not like the way his wounds looked I would take him right back to the hospital and start all over again. He was upset because I got caught in a bad storm on Sat and could not get in too see him-this N.H. is a distance from our home-the one he had been in 8 times in 6 years was very close to our home-about 10 minutes away. I think he thought it over because he knows not if he is nasty to me on the phone I will stay away for a few days. Therefor he called me again on SAT and was real nice to me-he is finally learning he can not continue to abuse me as in the past.
Carol
I have been in therapy for years and even took a class called Peer Support Specialist which teaches you how to listen to others who have a myriad of problems and are seeking counseling for them. Intellectually, I know what is going on, emotionally, I am running on empty.
I told him that I was going to see the Arizona State Representative for the National Federation of Caregiving Association this week and he wanted to go with me. I just told him that I had two and a half days and he would be mad sitting in a hot apartment while I went to see my mother and also see if I can become an advocate for the rights of caregivers.
We are a group that needs to unite and demand that we be treated fairly by the government. We are providing a service and not only do we get no renumeration for it, we lose everything, insurance, social security, job security, impoverishment for the future, our lives with our kids. I could go on, you all know what I am talking about.
Recovery.
You need the things you talk about. Somehow you need to get someone to help your husband understand, or else you need to just tell him you are doing what you need, for your own health. Have you ever tried a Co-dependence group (he will fight that like crazy)? Most of us who are tied to people as caregivers have co-dependency issues and these groups help you detach with love and do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
They help you get on with having a life of your own, as you are as important as the people you are caring for. Check you local newspaper or call the helpline and see where they meet. You really do need to get help understanding that you must help yourself, too. That is one of the hardest lessons we caregivers have to learn, and I never have fully learned it myself. But, I'm getting better.
Carol