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We also didn't have to worry if mom fell, or got sick, or needed something. There was medical staff on hand to take BP, temp, O2 levels and call us with expert advice. As opposed to aides who could simply report that parent was in pain, hysterical or some combination of the two, leaving us needing to rush from work.
We tried giving her lists of tasks, but she didn't want them using her washing machine or other appliances. It was a very frustration and expensive week.
We eventually found an Independent Living facility. The geriatrics doctor who was on-site a couple of days a week simplified mom's medications and gave her his cell phone number. Rather than giving her complicated instructions about her bp meds, he said " if it goes above x, call me. If it goes below Y, call me".
He sent in the geriatric psychiatrist, who better managed mom's anxiety, and who insisted mom go for cognitive texting. THAT'S how we discovered that mom had MCI, which was driving her anxiety.
A village indeed!
I am currently watching a friend whose mom has dementia try to manage her mom's care at home. The woman has 24/7 aides. The fires them, is suspicious of them, has very limited medical oversight because she has to be gotten to doctor appointments. When she feels unwell, she insisted she's dying and has the aide take her to the ER. She is getting substandard care in the name of maintaining her " independence"
My Dad had 24 hour care at home [3 shifts of caregivers from a professional Agency] he was a fall risk, with very mild dementia. Thank goodness my parents were very fugal their whole lives as it was costing my Dad $20k per month, yes per month. Yes, YIKES!!
The caregivers were a godsend as they didn't mind getting meals for my Dad [I hated to cook], doing the laundry, and doing light housekeeping. They also took Dad to his doctor appointments and for his haircuts.
Then Dad decided he no longer wanted to be home, the house maintenance was too much for him (he was in his 90's) even with the caregivers helping him, and Dad wasn't one to call for outside help. They also kept Dad away from the snow shovel any time it snowed. A neighbor would use the snow blower on his driveway.
Dad picked out a place he really liked and was happy as a clam being there around people from his own generation. The cost was around $5k per month... and Dad was able to budget for his favorite caregiver to come help him in the mornings... it gave him a sense of routine.
So there are pros and cons to each decision.
I am worried about costs of home care too, but in my situation, facility is also expensive.
Now that mom is immobile it would be near impossible to have her home - who could use a hoyer lift - Wheelchairs wouldn't fit in bathroom - there'd be no way to transport her to appointments
The whole thing is very frustrating for everyone
Of course this works for us now because she sleep through the night and may change as the disease progresses. She is in late stage 6 Alzheimer's. She can assist with getting up, but just barely and can only walk a few steps without being weak.
Not sure what government sponsored care you are talking about cwillie, but Medicaid where I live funds far more than that. I'm happy to pick up the slack because I don't want to put her in a nursing home which is my only other option. Actually, she was turned down by 2 nursing homes because in the past she had been violent and had fallen. None of which she has been lately, but oh well.
So I am able to go to my own appointments, take naps, whatever I need to during the day, as long as I can try to schedule around moving mom around. And even then, the caregivers can usually manage without me if mom helps bear some weight.
24/7 home care is prohibitively expensive for most people. I don't understand what good someone coming in for a few hours every day or every other day really is. If they are doing specific tasks, that's one thing. But what about all the elders who really need someone there all the time? Someone there for a few hours/day -- that's just a little bit of help. The elder isn't magically competent the rest of the time.
Yes, the expectation is that family will pick up the slack. And that expectation is unrealistic, unless there is family that is willing to do it. And how many family members really are willing to do it?