By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Sometimes we don't know it's the last time for something, until we look back. Sometimes we do & draw the finish line.
Glad you made it home safely.
You know where this is going, right? We got there at 9:00 pm and they had given away our room! An already overly-tired sundowning husband totally lost it there in the lobby. And we were left to go hunt for a hotel room in a resort area on a Sunday night. No vacancies anywhere. We finally went to the next town north and found a room. Nowhere near what we needed but at least it was a bed to sleep in. And the people there were marvelous. By 11:30 we were finally in a room.
Dh's blood pressure was dangerously low the whole trip. I got sick from breakfast Monday (the hotel we were supposed to be in would have supplied breakfast, so my sickness was a direct result of their failure). My father flowed with all the weird comments my dh was making while watching the golf tournament and that overflowed into his Father's Day phone call with my sister, she got offended, and hung up. (C'mon, sis, give your 90yo father a break!) Dad was weeping several times saying, "I don't understand what happened." Dh was snarky with me the whole time.
Horrible trip! So glad to be home.
I'm afraid I am still learning to just read.. not throw advice out too! I can see you have a bit of a tricky financial situation, but, have thought things out well & have your master plan. It's hard that your long distance plans bring such current hardships. I feel it is so unfair you cannot go see your Dad alone, or take some time out when you need to 🙁.
"Dh doesn't see himself as needing care, he just needs me".
Many are in the same boat - my Dad is - as Mother regularly refuses respite care. There is no convincing, no reasoning that can work.
The Doctor said it is not reasonable for her to insist that he be there all the time or provide all her care. That actually, she has no right at all to insist who provides her care.
Keep chatting if it helps 🤗
A wise woman once said "F*** it all" and lived happily ever after.
I didn't quite dare to send lovely SIL that (maybe when he knows me better) but I offer it to you as a fall-back.
I've been dealing with difficult stuff with with dh our entire marriage. Chalk it up to a lot of bad teaching in various church fellowships about the role of women and men in a marriage. 2013 things started get worse and I started journaling. He wasn't diagnosed with dementia until the end of 2017. No, I do not have much in the way of "in person" support but I do have online friends that have kept me sane over the years. Dh doesn't see himself as needing care, he just needs me. At this point there is nothing that I can't do for him. What keeps me going is hope for the future (but I must admit that the older I get, the less I can see me fulfilling those hopes).
Visiting dad alone means leaving dh here pretty much on his own (our 40yo son lives in a basement, another story) but would not be of much assistance to my husband. I know that dh would not allow him to help him get ready for bed. My son is available but my husband would refuse. "I don't need a babysitter."
Dh is not at the place for MC yet. I honestly think heart failure will get him before he gets to that point. Doc has mentioned palliative care for the heart failure eventually. Dh says there is no way he is going on palliative care. I think to myself, "Then the other option is a nursing home, and that would be a lot easier for me." I am just hoping that my dad hangs on longer than my husband. Dad very wisely excluded his sons-in-law from the inheritance (if my sister or I pass before dad, then our portion goes to our children). But if dad goes before dh, then I am concerned my inheritance will be taken to pay for dh's NH care or MC.
You're dealing with a lot of difficult things, gray. And your home environment with hubs is likely to continue to be difficult, and get even more difficult. Do you have support for yourself? And time off for respite? Is it time for home care aids or something more? If you break down due to stress and illness, that doesn't help anyone. Big (((((hugs))))).
I would image this would need much planning (so next visit) & would involve secure MC respite accom for your DH to be placed for the duration.
Grey, I know your title here is 'vent' & not a question but I am wondering.. if you did have any questions?
My mother is 2 miles away in MC. When she is sundowning, it all is almost impossible. For her. For me. So, I just have to leave.
Living in it…I just don’t know how you do it.
But, God.
I am praying right now for all of your husband’s most recent delusions, as well as your trip this weekend.
Good luck with the Father's Day trip which sounds like an ordeal in and of itself. Sending you a hug and a prayer for the strength to deal with BOTH your dad and your husband at the same time. You are a stronger woman than I, that's for sure.