My Elderly Mother is Driving Me Crazy

Neon, our mom's have to be related - I swear you are telling my story & I have got to find a support group before I have a nervous breakdown!!!!! Mom's latest stunt involves her yelling at me and screaming that I'm a bitch and all I ever do is bitch. All because I asked her to stop locking me out of the house. Mom thinks she should be catered to 24/7 and i hide from her at all costs. This is wrong because it's my home! If I try and watch a tv show in the living room she will come and join me - which is fine, except all she does is whistle, she whistles all the time - non stop. If she isn't whistling then she starts talking about something goofy and could care less if I'm trying to watch a movie. But if you ask her to stop whistling or be quite she goes ape shit. So unless my hubby is home (who she won't bother) I have to stay in my room and watch tv or take my food to eat or read. I have to take care of everything for mom because she honestly doesn't have any sense & never has. She would (and has in the past) live like a hoarder if I'd let her. She lies and only hears what she wants. But don't be thinking this woman would ever miss a Sunday at church so she can get attention and pity.

She also drives herself to the senior center every single day of the week - which is fine but it is clear she shouldn't be driving. She is a menious to society! She recently had cataracts removed & corrective lenses put in so she did pass her vision test and re-newed her drivers license. That was a big mistake on my part! I should have made them give her a drivers test. But I don't want to have to listen to her bitch about not being able to drive & have to drive her everyday. She has had 2 wrecks in the past 6 months. The first wreck she failed to yield right of way & the officer had to make her sit in her car because she was screaming and acting like a crazy person (which she is). The damage to her car was bad enough that eventually we had to park it and let her drive my Chrysler (which I loved) it was in pristine condition and low mileage - but she wants a brand new car & doesn't understand why she can't have one. After my dad died she said she thought she'd at least get a new car out of the deal. She doesn't even need to be driving much less need a new car. Well now she has wrecked the Chrysler and has also screwed up all the dials on the dash and broke the automatic seat switch. We don't know who's fault the latest fender bender was but the other drivers insurance is paying to fix the damages. It happened in a parking lot and he clipped the back bumper - He said he never saw her - which could be true because she wasn't even wearing her glasses and could have pulled up while he was turning. My sweet hubby fixed the tail lights so she could go ahead and drive it until the body shop can fix the other damage. I just don't know what to do. Hubby wants to fix her old Caddie and put her back in it & I think that's a good idea. Except I know she is going to have another wreck - its just a matter of time!!!!! About 6 years ago she ran through a stop sign and took out the whole side of a house. Luckily no one got hurt.

I work long hours and also have to take care of every thing else she needs. I take her to every doctor appt, I pay all the bills, and I clean up all her messes she leaves on a daily basis around the house. If I don't lock my bedroom doors she helps herself to whatever she wants - my perfume, clothes, whatever & if I say anything she will either lie or start screaming about what a bitch I am.

I am letting her make me a nervous wreck - she won't listen to reason and only remembers what she wants. Do you think Medicare will pay for a nursing home for someone who is crazy?

I'm glad I found this site. It is such a relief to hear that I am not alone. My mom lives with my husband, kids and I. My dad died 4yrs ago and my mom moved in with us. I think my situation may only differ slightly in that 11 yrs ago my mom had a brain aneurysm. As a result she was told she is unable to work but to meet here you would never guess she had an aneurysm. You may think she repeats herself a lot but that would be about it. I have such guilt most of the time because she only goes out when I take her or once in awhile her friend will come by. She helps out in the house with laundry and dishes and tells me how she is greatful to help she wouldn"t know where she'd be without us, ect. That is all fine but then some days I talk with the wrong tone of voice and she gets all sensitive saying stuff like "I was only asking". When we are really angry with each other I get to here about how she lot everything. And while that may be true it's not like my life didn't change
it's always about how horrible everything turned out for her and how she is now such a burden (she can't drive either) and this is something I here about very often "If I had a car and my license......" The list goes on and on and I am tired og living with the guilt. She really is a caring person and nurturing, but also selfish I guess ( it hurts me to say that because it feels disrespectful, she is my mom after all) It is hard to try and explain everything without making her sound like a terrible person. She's not. I'm just very frustrated with the questions and the repetion and the self pity when she is on a bad mood. It was hard on my marriage for the first couple of years and sometimes I feel very cheated that I do have the burden of my mom when all I want is to raise my children and be with my husband. So it is nice to know I am not alone and nice to vent to someone that understands my situation

Hey everyone! Just got off the phone with Jen. She is fine, just a bit down. I told her you all were worried about her. We talked for an hour or so, and I told her I would call her again soon.
Okay, I'm exhausted and heading to bed. Will catch up tomorrow!

Where do I begin, my husband and I moved in with his mother 2 years ago. It was ok at first, then she and her son started arguing. She is always manipulating everyone wh had to completely remodel her house which her daughter destroyed. She put my husband as power of attorney 2 years ago. Also, bequethed the house to him. She's always wan ting to go to the lawyer when they fight.The other day she called his son and was trying to get he and his girlfriend to move in. This is one of her manuvers.causing trouble with my husband and his son. my husband told her he coulndt take it anymore so now she is cocky.last week she was crying and going to a nursing home. I get up everyday blood sugar check eye drops all day. breakfast lunch dinner snacks conversation as much as I can .not really too much to talk about. she is in a wheel chair because she will not try to walk. she always want people to feel sorry for her. when that doesnt work. she is the boss and this is my house routine. I try to get her out to get her hair cut and lunch. she got jealous today because I left to get a haircut. I asked her last night to let me know when she wanted to go last night. she wouldnt give me an answer.she is ridiculous. I dont care about this house shes always giving it to someone if they goo goo all over her. I cant take her manipulation.

A place to vent...exactly what I need before I lose it with my mother!! In July 2010, my mother fell and broke her ankle, had to have surgery to put pins in, spent time in rehab, and now lives with my family. Prior to moving in with us, and as long as I can remember, my mother was not the cleanest person in the world. Washing her clothes and taking baths were not her top priority. So prior to moving in with me, I informed her she must take baths on a daily basis and work on her cleanliness habits. It has been a battle!!!! She suffers from minor dimentia which adds to my issues with her. When I ask her to take a bath, she says I already did, (I know she did not cause I have to monitor her baths). Then it ends up in a shouting match and she ends up taking a bath. While I end up being very frustrated and angry wanting to distance myself as far away from her as possible. She has gotten into the habit of picking scabs and is bleeding all over her sheets. She won't stop!! She goes to adult daycare during the day while I go to work M-F. She usually gets home about the same time I do. She stays home on Saturdays and Sundays which brings me to further frustration. I work all week and then if I want to go away without her on Saturday morning, she gets mad and starts making comments, "You'll be glad when I die!" etc. All this does is cause me to feel guilty for leaving her, but when she is with me in the car, I just want to get away from her. Then I feel guilty again cause she is 81 and her days may be numbered. So then I struggle with me being selfish, as she picks her skin til it bleeds and I just want to scream at her!!! I love my mother, but I need a break!!

hi all.. im a 53 year old man . taking care of my 90 year old mom. its been almost 5 years now. and its getting worse by the day. i just dont know what to say. but its nice to read all your stories and know that im not the only one like this.

Linda,

I've been there so many times and have used the same phrases to describe my situation. At one time I considered jumping off a bridge literally because my mother wouldn't shut up in the car while we were crossing.

I'm told the problem never goes away until they die. But it did get better in my case where I worked with boundaries all the time. Also my mother aged and it became difficult for her to get out. Now she only wants to go to the grocery store which exhausts her. I rejoice when she is too tired to carry on.

My mother got bitter when I wouldn't do everything she wanted and found a con man, a disbarred lawyer who lives up the street and preys on old people. She tends to use and abuse him like she did to me. My sister says they deserve each other. Two cons working together.

Some people are just difficult and age makes them worse because they become more and more isolated and can't spread their hatred of life around like they used to. So they have to zero in on whomever is available.

I wish I had the magic bullet. But sorry I don't. The only thing I can say is practice boundaries all the time. It is the only thing that protects you since you can't run from these people.

I'm so glad I found this site. I certainly sypathize with your situation because I'm going through a lot with my 81 year old mother too. I'm an only child which makes it worse and ever since my father died 25 years ago, my mother has been living my life, going everywhere with me, doing everything I do, buying everything I buy and smothering me beyond belief. You should see our wardrobes - almost identical because when we go shopping, she'll buy the exact thing I do. Nearly 2 years ago, she had back surgery and it injured the nerves in her leg and now has to rely on a walker and lost her ability to drive. Since then, my life has been a living hell. I've tried everything to help her regain some of her mobility - ordered a scooter for her to get around town, but she sent it back, she didn't want it. I've looked into senior day care to get her out of the house and socializing with others, but she wants nothing to do with it and goes into hysterics when I mention it. She is extremely depressed and cries a lot, so I took her to the doctor who prescirbed antidepressants. She took one and refused to take anymore claiming they made her sick.

My mother was never a sociable person, wrapping her life around me and now that she can't get out of her house and wants me there 24/7. I hired a housekeeper to help her with household chores which she resents since she thinks I should do it. I'm married and my husband and I are recently retired and enjoy our time together after raising two kids. But my mother resents anyone, including my husband and my daughter-in-law who takes me away from her. She still insists on going everywhere I go, but it's difficult to take her anywhere, especially in the winter. She's already fallen and broken a hip, but it doesn't matter to her. Anytime I go anywhere, she wants to go with me. I feel I don't have a life anymore, she is sucking the life out of me. Everything is doom and gloom with her, her cup is always half-empty. She is not sick, she does not have a disease, she is in otherwise good shape, but she can't accept the fact that she's getting older and her body is giving out.

I have her to my house every weekend for dinner, and Thursdays I take her shopping and out to eat, but it's never enough. I do her laundry, her grocery shopping, and take her to all her doctor's appointments and hair appointments every week.. But just because I need time for myself and my husband, I'm a horrible daughter who doesn't do enough or spend enough time with her. That's what she tells everyone. She has become so bitter and angry at the world and takes it out on me. I'm at my wits end and even had to go to counseling to help me cope with the stress and I'm on nerve medication. I'm doing all the right things my therapist told me to do - set and keep boundaries, take care of myself and refuse to make me feel guilty, but still I'm under so much stress, I can't take it. My mother is on a sinking ship and I refuse to let her take me down with her, but it's so hard to keep her from doing that. What else can I do? I just cope the best way I can.

Coming here makes me know I'm not alone. We really can help one another.

Folks, I am in the same position as all of you. However, no matter how awful it gets you must take care of yourself also. Take extra vitamins. Try and get as much rest as you possibly can. Try and keep yourself looking like you did before this new chapter of your life started or at least in good order. It helps if you have some semblance of what your old life was like. And the vitamins and rest are a must. Also, I have noticed that there are stages. Some good days, some horribly awful, some just a little bad and then some ok. You hope and pray for the ok ones and learn to cope with the others. Not easy for me to say this and not easy for you to read this, but what else can we do but cope. And if we convince ourselves that we must cope and that life must go on, then it will. If we give in to those awfully horribly feelings, they will only drag us down further. And remember, our loved ones still need our help and if we go down, so do they. So what I'm trying to say is we must take care of ourselves physically and perhaps by doing this, mentally we may be able to cope a little better. Well, that's at least what I'm telling myself this month.

Gosh I don't know where to start ... I know what I should be doing for myself to keep healthy and I try it for a couple of days than too warn out to put out any effort ... Moved in w/parents after Dad suffered a stroke and became too exhausting for Mother to bear ... She was crying and depressed and so without thinking it out clearly I made the move from real beauty to absolute hell. My parents have always been extremely generous and dominating throughout life and I simply just gave in to this latest venture. Now three years later, looking horrible and feeling worse and have no passion for anything ... I simply hope I die early. I know it's not hopeless but I don't have the energy to consistantly help myself-
ATALOSS

My mother gets upset if I talk on the phone, watch tv, be on the computer, step outside for any reason, basically do anything except to be with her and cater to her. I cant even remember that last time I got to eat a meal without having to reheat it at least twice because there's always something she wants or needs. She refuses to go anywhere! Be it a relatives house, hair dresser, the optomitrist so that she can get her old broken glasses replace or anywhere else.. the answer is always no and she will actually work her self up into believing that shes too sick to go anywhere. She will not call anyone, but will talk to people if they call her. She refuses to go to any of the activities at the senior center. When its necessary for her to go out because she has a doctors appointment, you can bank on her having a HUGE meltdown. It starts from the minute she is informed of it, be it the day before or the day of. I am the queen of quicky showers because it never fails, whether it be 2am or 2pm, she'll either need to go to the bathroom or needs me for something else.

Its like my sole purpose for existence anymore is exclusively for her. Its been like this for so long that I lost myself a long time ago. I feel so depressed, lonely and am constantly filled with anxiety. I would absolutely love even one weekend alone with my husband (I love him so much and its been so long since we've had any quality of time together).. and it could happen because my kids would love for her to come and visit.. but like everything else.. all she does is say no and thats it. She wont budge.

I do have siblings, but my sister is a total deadbeat when it comes to anything to do with my mother and my brother might show up now and then.. but being that he "cant take it" those times are far and few between and for only a very short time when he does appear. Its been 8 years, and they havent been easy by any means.

I love her dearly and feel blessed that I'm providing her with the best quality of life possible for her... but at the same time I greatly miss "me" and "my" life.

Hello all! I have so enjoyed your posts. I am in a similar situation as my mother lives with my husband and I and we are newlyweds. Keep in mind that I am an only child, as I was a later in life baby, and that my mother is a diabetic and utterly anti-social and so she lives with me; having an elderly parent while still in your twenties is utterly challenging. This would not be such an issue if she were perhaps, dare I say, normal? My current living situation. My mother has various health issues and other than assisted living, she is best kept here with me. I work from home online, take graduate studies online, run a crafting business, and take care of my mother full time. I am house-bound and trapped. Sure, I can leave, but never alone. My mother is like the grand inquisitor, and the older she becomes the angrier I become with her actions. She feels I am disrespectful, but she simply drives me crazy. I live in a very small town where my husband grew up and lives, and resources either clinical, secular, or otherwise do not exist. I feel trapped and wish I could regain the loving trust and relationship we once had. :(

I have an 83 yr. old mother. She is negative 90% of the time and calls me to complain constantly. I handle her bills, her medicines, her insurance reimbursement filings, her banking, her home maintenance etc. etc. I had to take away her credit cards (she had 20) and her check book. She asked me for a blank check to pay contractors. Instead she cashed it for $1,000 and went out and bought items she didn't need or already had. Now she is demanding more money and always says "It's my money (of course it is) and I'll spend it like I wish.
She makes pledges to phoney charities who call and she get tons of magazines that make no sense. I have had no real life for 5 yr. now. Fun times...

Hello Freinds and caregiver i know its very hard caring for your mother i do to take care of my 80 year old mom i never get to go out i do have homecare to come in to give her bath's in the morning becouse she can not walk at all she sometimes treats me very meen to but i block it out i know its very hard i live with it everyday
now she don't want homecare she makes up all kinds of things that they are hurting her went they bath her i know its not ture i Have Von And they are very good workers but she hates them all and gives me a hard time about them but i know its the best thing for her she also likes to play mind games with me and my family members god pless all the people who try so hard to make live better for other people i know we will Bless in all you do someday

My Mom is difficult, hard headed, and can be mean spirited but that is not a new trait, it's just one that I have to be subjected to more often now. I can never remember wanting to be near this woman, and now, I am stuck with almost all of her care because I am that lucky kid that did not move far away years ago. I am sad for her and I want my life back. I feel everything from gult to rage to sorrow and I often remember all of the times that I really needed her and she was busy with her own life. Now, she demands every free minute I have. I am a retired professional caregiver and I am burnt out with elderly people since I have done this for money since I was 17. I feel like the prostitute that comes home to a horny spouce! I'm so eager to live my own life now, time is flying and my hair is more silver than hers. Maybe it would be different if we were close, but, we never were. I don't want to go to support meetings because that is yet another hour or two that my Mom will own of my life. I want to spend my extra time with my spouce, not discussing how awful this is for me. She has out lived two of her five children already. She refuses to wear depends and so I drag her crappy clothes to my house to wash them everyday. I take her dinner seven days a week at 4 or 5 and she calls at 7 demanding another dinner right when my husband and I sit down to eat our dinner. When I tell her to call my brother (I have one locally) but she tells me that she doesn't want to bother him. He is the only son left on earth and I guess that makes him special. My sister lives three hours away. None of her remaining children are able to feel anything but the burden of her demands, no joy when we are with her, she wasn't close to any of us or her grandchildren. She wasn't the type that should have ever had children. Her sister just died at almost 100, my Grandmother was the same age, she is 87. They all had the same tenatious combative spirit that makes one cringe. My eldest brother lived with her, he died suddenly two years ago, (the meal he fixed her was on the table when he fell dead in her bathroom) her youngest son did all of her business and he died last year. I keep thinking she is trying to kill all of us off before she goes. My Dad has been gone since 2000. He was bitching about her all the way to the hospital, he died a few days later.....Oh well, I hate to whine, but, I find myself doing just that all to often these days.

"Last night I was crocheting a afghan for the children in India, our ladies at church are meeting on Tuesdays and making quilts and blankets for the children and I can't attend because I work." "I am considering talking to a psychologist where I work but the money is also a factor"
Jeeeze, I have been taking care of my 80 year old mom for two years, and hope and pray that I NEVER get as bitter as this person. Yes, it is hard, yes, there are days that you don't even want to get out of bed to start the day again. The days that you will scream if you hear the same stories again. The days that you leave grocrery carts setting in the middle of the store and leave, because you called home and didn't get an answer, only to get home and find she has fallen asleep and didn't hear the phone. The days you come home from the store to smell smoke in the house from something burning on the stove, that she had forgotten she started. The nights without more than a couple of hours sleep at a time, because you get up checking on them. Much like they did for us, when we were babies.. And the mornings that you are afraid to go into their room, because you don't know if they will still be breathing.. And you stand there and think, "what will I do" !?!? if that is what I find.. And then you cry, and cry and some days you cry some more...
Thats when you start thanking your God for the things that he HAS given you...
But you pray, and you ask your God to get you through one more day. Your thank your higher power for this day, because you know its going to get worse, not better. And you ask for strength, not just for yourself, but for her/him too, because your going to need more tomorrow than you did today.. And most of all you pray for a sense of humor, because your sure the heck gonna need that more than anything!!
And then you start thanking your God, for all the blessings that you DO have..
If you can't find any blessings in your life, then you have more problems than just your Mother.. Maybe some of the ladies in your church can take time off from quilting to help you.. Or maybe one of the phychologist that you work for would take you pro bono if they knew your situation...
Good luck
And I will leave you with an amusing story. I have a German Shephard, that if you don't close the toilet lid, has a tendency to drink out of it.. I shouldn't say drinks out of it, its more like someone turned a water hose on in there, guess he thinks its a kiddie pool... Well, Mom left the lid up the other night and later she comes stomping into the living room ( this woman only weighs 80 pounds, and sounds like a bull elephant coming through the house. The madder she gets the heavier she walks!)
She says "I just want you to know that I DID NOT pee in that bathroom floor!!
Chin up ladies, with any luck at all, we still have tomorrow...

"Last night I was crocheting a afghan for the children in India, our ladies at church are meeting on Tuesdays and making quilts and blankets for the children and I can't attend because I work." "I am considering talking to a psychologist where I work but the money is also a factor"
Jeeeze, I have been taking care of my 80 year old mom for two years, and hope and pray that I NEVER get as bitter as this person. Yes, it is hard, yes, there are days that you don't even want to get out of bed to start the day again. The days that you will scream if you hear the same stories again. The days that you leave grocrery carts setting in the middle of the store and leave, because you called home and didn't get an answer, only to get home and find she has fallen asleep and didn't hear the phone. The days you come home from the store to smell smoke in the house from something burning on the stove, that she had forgotten she started. The nights without more than a couple of hours sleep at a time, because you get up checking on them. Much like they did for us, when we were babies.. And the mornings that you are afraid to go into their room, because you don't know if they will still be breathing.. And you stand there and think, "what will I do" !?!? if that is what I find.. And then you cry, and cry and some days you cry some more...
Thats when you start thanking your God for the things that he HAS given you...
But you pray, and you ask your God to get you through one more day. Your thank your higher power for this day, because you know its going to get worse, not better. And you ask for strength, not just for yourself, but for her/him too, because your going to need more tomorrow than you did today.. You pray for a sense of humor, because your sure the heck gonna need that more than anything!!
And then you start thanking your God, for all the blessings that you DO have..
If you can't find any blessings in your life, then you have more problems than just your Mother.. Maybe some of the ladies in your church can take time off from quilting to help you.. Or maybe one of the phychologist that you work for would take you pro bono if they knew your situation...
Good luck

What2donow,

You are NOT a bad person! Everyone likes my mother too, but when she moved in with me it simply did not work. We were like oil and water. She is set into a very rigid routine (up by 5:45 everyday, etc.) with no wiggle room. I'm 51 with a husband and a 14 year old. I felt like my life was over and I was staring into an abyss only coming out on the other side after her death which I dread because I love her so much.

Mom is unable to come to stand on her own due to breakages from severe osteoporosis so I was at her beck and call 24/7. My poor dad waited on her like this for five years before dying from a brain tumor last December. I quickly saw that my life was headed in the same direction from the overwhelming stress.

If there's any way you can get her into assisted living, do it! My mom fought me tooth and nail over the issue, but if I can get it done, you can too. She went to an AL a little over a month ago and viscerally hated me at the time. Now she's adjusting pretty well, lots of complaints (of course), but I'm actually feeling like her daughter again. Best of all, we've regained our ability to love each and not live in uncomfortable silence.

You are not selfish. What was your mother doing at 50? Would she want you to feel your life is over? Sometimes we caregivers put ourselves in other people's shoes so much that we forget we are supposed to LIVE in ours as well. Hugs to you. This is so very difficult.

Wow

Who would have thought that after all that therapy and coming to terms with my childhood that simply moving my aging mother into my space would set off such a powerfull chain reaction. I don't think there is anyone that has met my mother that does not like her. She is sweet. However, living with her is, lets just say challenging. I am so stressed right now that I feel like I am about to explode. She just annoys me in general. And then, when I feel annoyed, I feel guilty for being annoyed with this "sweet" woman. She talks non-stop about virtually nothing. I become annoyed and then I feel guilty for being annoyed and the viscious circle begins! I raised two children as a single mother. They both have masters degrees and I invested much of myself in them. Now that I am 50 I was ready to be "free". I felt like it was my time. Now here is mom. I feel trapped. I honestly do not know how to deal with all of these feelings that are coming up. I feel like this situation will destroy the rest of my life and then I chastise myself for being so selfish. I hope is that I am not alone and that I am not a "bad" person.

my mom lost her husband 11 years ago. We live together my sister and I in a one family mother daughter home. Mom has been and is very willful. She of late has become more and more difficult. She critizes everything. Nothing is good enough for her. She fights us tooth and nail. I work all day and my sister is the day car provider. Mom is 82 and still able to think clearly and move around on her own and is in good health. But she has turned into a nastly griping miserable person. Nothing pleases her, nothing is good enough for her. And when something does't go right, she pounces on us and incessantly goes on and on about it. She is extremely difficult. There's is much more I can say, but writing becasue my sister is at her last straw. She is like an abused child taking all this from my elder mom. Don't know how to proceed. I've tried explaining this to mom many many times. But her point of view is that she is the mother and what she says goes. She also doesn't see how she has changed and is isn't interested in what we have to say. All she seems to be interested in is what is good for her. We have busy lives me working and taking care of the outside of the house and my sister taking care of my mom and all the house chores. We spend weekends handling the errands. We take here out to grocery stores and to atlantic city now and them and we take for clothes shopping every now and them. We try to do stuff, but we the responsibilities we have just plain were us out. Mom doesn't drive and feels trapped. She has never driven and depended on my dad to taker her places. They were never the type to go out and around very much, but now the only time mom goes out is when we take her. We take her to church every couple of weeks and when she wants to go to a specific store or place, we try and take her. But she is mean and nasty. My sister is so worn down. We don't know what to do any more. Don't know what is right or wrong. I feel like the parent who has to admonish the child for being bad. Now I have to go home and admonish my mom for making my sister cry and making her feel bad. But it won't do any good, because it's as if my mom doesn't hear me. As if she doesn't care what we feel, but only does and says what she wants. We don't want to be around her anymore and just take care of her needs and then go down to our own apartment. But Mom is getting worse. We take her for her regular dr appointment every 3 months and she won't let us go into the room with her ... otherwise i would try and tell the doctor a bit about her beahviour. But tell you truth don't think it's a medical issue, but just that her personality has changed. My father died from lung cancer and it was a trying time for all. We understand that my mom has a loss, but we all have to live together and move on. I am 54 and my sister is 50. We are not married and not children any longer. Forget that we don't have any lives, not that we are complaining, but just the day to day dealing with mom is killing us. Not sure why I'm writing this. Just feel so lost and helpless. Also feel like a bad person. But I am not and my sister surely is not. How do you deal with a mom who you can't make happy, who nothing pleases and who is just nasty and hurtful.

Been there done that.

My

My mother won't tell her doctor when something goes wrong with her. She waits til it gets much worse, then he comes and she tells him. Everything bad that happens can be traced back to her secret-keeping. There is no way to convince her to do it differently. Because she believes in telling people (me, the doctor, everyone) what they want to hear, agreeing to everything, and doing as she pleases.

sometimes if they want you to feel sorry for them or get a response from you is to say hurtful things. the tongue is very sharp and cuts to the nerve. it is their way of hurting you so you will feel bad for the way you respond to them . even if you are trying ever thing to stay in control of your feelings.

I know how you feel. I care for my mother-in-law. My husband, I think is trying not to see how bad she has gotten so most times he just ingores her if he can. Her only other son lives in Fla. and him and his wife wouldn't dare keep her. I feel so guilty for wanting a life back or just wanting one day on my own. Because I know if I'm not there no else will be there.

I can so relate to jazzy1 and anonymous5546. I have often said that my Mom has so got me back for my teen age years! I was rebellious and now I know exactly how she may have felt. I continue to struggle with my care giving duties, the responsibility, the lack of support from siblings, not having an adequate break, lack of pay for my services, Mom's memory loss and overall disrespect for the services I provide now, and the support I have given her in the past when there was no one else there. I some times go absolutely insane, cannot communicate with her because I have to repeat myself three or four times and then I can tell she still didn't comprehend what I said or grasp the situation. She follows me around the house, "what are you doing now?", "where are you going?", "I couldn't find you (when I am on the back porch or in the bathroom), and I was scared". Maybe I just need to vent this morning! The other day, everything she said was a big negative, it's snowing, I'm cold, my nose is running, as she was following me around, and I escaped into the computer room for a few moments before she followed me and sat down. I asked her do you have anything positive or good to say today? She replied "No, not really"! I continue to try to see the humor, however, sometimes it is a little cloudy. Thanks for letting me vent.

I know what you mean on the free stuff. We would not be here either if it weren't for her. She pays the condo dues but that is it. We pay for everything else. It was her home but we took it over and refinanced...it was by no means paid off and needed alot of work. Food, mortgage, utilities taxes...it adds up and it is like she just expects it and gets upset if we are out of her "favorites". We did start making her pay for her booze and sweets though. It seems to help abit. And she keeps turning up the thermostate...it is at 71but that does not seem to be warm enough and turns it down in the summer as she is too hot...can't win!

Thanks,I'm at the point I ont know what to do anymore.My hubby helps out when he can,But he as to work.Hubby and mom had an aguement lastnight,She said she was going to take him out of the will,He as a sister and brother that dont help and she wants to treat us like this.We pay all the bills here and she said we should pay her rent,I am just blowed away.My hubby said she should pay me something she said why should I she gets room and board.She dont relize we would'nt be here if it wer'nt for her.

I know how you feel. My husband and I are the primary caregivers for his Mom who has alsheimer. Although he doesn't do much giving care. So it's left to me. I am so afaird to leave her with him because he just doesn't watch her. So I don't get any time out. I am about to go crazy.She does talk anymore unless you ask her something. She will go all day without going to the bathroom. Thank God for depends. She just recently stoped eating hardly anything. She turned 80 and it's like she gave up.

My mother in law is driving me crazy also.My husband and I got married 2 yrs ago have been liveing with her to care for her.I quit my job have gave up everything,And she acks like she dont care.Now she wants to charge me and hubby rent,We would not be here if it wernt for her to take care of her.She gets so hatefull at us.I need a support group I am so depress and I dont smile that much anymore.Please can someone help me out.