Mom with dementia makes up stories that she believes are true.

I thought Dimentia was forgetting stuff. But it can be making up stories.

My Mother-in-law tells stories or she adds to things people have told her. She is fine except for that. She is 81 years old. She can cook, bath, dress herself ect. I didn't know what these stories meant. It can be the start of dimentia??

Yes! I hear Mom on the phone talking to her sister in law and she definitely reinvents history. I don't correct her unless it's something I know my aunt would pass on to other, causing harm from the misinformation. Mom will also try to listen in on my phone calls and then repeat what I say to her SIL or others and she mixes up the story. She often talks about things she has done when in fact it was me doing it. She sometimes talks to my son about 'his dad' when she's talking about MY Dad. But this isn't all the time happenings, just occasionally.

I take care of my mother in law, she's 89 years old, in pretty good shape for the shape she's in and who's brain has shrunk faster than her body has aged. A lot of the time, she's fine. For us it's when she's talking to someone on the phone that the stories come out. Usually it's something to the order of her telling whoever that her brother from back east called and got a new job when in fact it was her grandson in Arizona that called and her brother passed last year. We refer to these things as "The world according to Gloria".

We choose to chuckle over the harmless tales she tells only correcting her if it makes a difference to whomever she's relaying information to. We both do this in a subtle way so as not to make her feel stupid.

Hi all,
I just moved my mom to an ALF, she is not talking much, but when she does, she thinks I'm either her sister, her granddaughter or an aid. It's been very hard for us as she doesn't recognized none of us, but if she sees pictures she knows who they are, even if I'm in front of her.
It's so sad and it's very very hard for me to go see her, and she thinks now, that I'm a long time friend. And last time I went to see her, she asked me to take her back to her place, because she has lots of things to "do" like cleaning up her place and do laundry.

Thank you, vstefans, for your comment. Yes, I agree with you on the POA. Those details are indeed taken care of. I did find an old red coat of mine that I had not worn in years and took it to her thinking that she would reconcile it to be hers and the missing coat would have returned to relieve her anxiety. The jesture did not work when she tried it on and found that it was not the coat that she remembered. I think that in this case, my dad convinced her to stop worrying about it and to stop mentioning it to us. Prior to my plan, he even took her to a local retail store to have her look for a new coat....but that did not work either. Well, in several weeks we had a different story to hear about....so the coat story has not returned.

If Dad has POA or guardianship, you may want to make sure you or another sister are in there as alternate in case he ever can't continue, and that you have POA healthcare as well as financial things lined up in any event. What you are doing is very helpful, just going in and cleaning up what you can, and being around enough that you will be able to see if things are getting unmanageable or dangerous.

Your story made me remember how my Mom was terribly upset over a couple of tea towels she was sure she had just bought but could not find, and I finally resolved things by buying some tea towels I thought she might have liked and bringing them to her. She readiy agreed that yes, those were the tea towels in question and all was well. If she goes back to asking for it, and you find yourself typing "ladies long red wool coat M" into the search box on Ebay, rest assured you are just being practical :-)

This sounds like a very hard and difficult situation. Does this seem to upset your dad or is he able to handle it pretty good? With his health issues it seems like this could very likely be affecting his health. I have close uncle with a similiar situation and would also like to know how to help the other elderly spouse. Anyone have any Ideas?

My mother was diagnosed with dementia three years ago. She has lost her short term memory. She does not know the day of the week or the time of day. Anything that has taken place within thirty seconds to an hour cannot be remembered. When I go to visit, she is constantly asking what day is it and what time it is. Even though several calendars are hanging or are visibly available, she cannot comprehend them. I kindly respond with her questions even though it may be the 20th time that day. At this point, the "stories" that she tells are very detailed and realistic to her. The "stories" are told repeatedly and last per subject, about one month. Last month, she could not remember where she left her long red wool coat. (She never owned a long red wool coat). She gave details about where and when she bought it, the price, and what it looked like. At every visit or phone call , she asked if I would return it to her. She could not remember where she left it and was quite upset about finding it. After reading information on how to respond to someone with dementia, my comment to my mother was: "I will try to find it for you, please do not worry about it, the coat will turn up." This comment would at least calm her until she asked again. This month, she has not mentioned the coat, but has excitedly told and retold the "story" of a strange man phoning and telling her that he had been sleeping in her basement and was very upset because she had locked the door and he no longer could sleep there. Additional details are added to the "story" later. She added several days later that she saw this man on the street and gave details of what he looked like and how he responded to her. It is a sad situation to see her memory failing and to hear the detail of the "stories" and to know that in her "world" they are very real.

My mom does not drive, and does not feel comfortable going anywhere in their small town but to WalMart, and Wendy's. This is understandable because her world is getting smaller from the dementia standpoint. My dad is in his mid eightys and although his health is not the best, he still drives mom to both of these destimations for a short period of time each day, just to get out of the house and to be around other people. My mom usually finds total strangers to talk to when she is in public. Most people are kind to listen until my dad or one of my sisters can "rescue" her from them. I am thinking that she is speaking to someone that she knows until I ask who she was speaking to and my mom's reply is "I don't know who they were".

My mom's diet has diminished to eating a couple of spoonsful of oatmeal for breakfast, a Wendy's chicken sandwich for lunch and only peanut butter crackers or chocolate chip cookies. These are the only foods which she will eat. My sisters and I have attempted to prepare meals for both my mom and dad, but she has not accepted any other food. She throws them in the garbage after we leave. This is a concern for me, because neither of my parents are getting a balanced diet. Mom has always had a very controlling personality and that has not changed. Her dementia has only made her more difficult to talk to and help. She has the paranoia that I have read about, and does not like for my sisters and I to even talk to our dad. She thinks that we are talking about her and often questions our intentions of conversation. She does not allow or want dad to do anything without her knowledge and this means even walking in the yard or being out of the room. Most of the time my dad's health prevents him from doing anything other than napping or watering his plants in the yard. Dad is extremely patient and is trying to handle mom's situation. My sisters and I are concerned that dad's health is being compromised. He just does not have the strength some days to deal with her. On the other hand, mom is physically strong for a women of 80. Although she always prided herself in keeping a clean home and home cooking, she is not doing either right now. Laundry is one thing that she likes to begin and finish. My sisters and I are surprised to see small piles of strange items on the countertops or laying around the house that mom has left. A wadded up tissue, an empty container, or a partically eaten cracker. Usually during my visit, I gather these things and trash them without her seeing. Mom would never allow help to come to their home and she does not want us to help with anything around the house. I have tried to clean the bathroom or the kitchen and she gets easily offended at the attempt. I now take a tote of cleaning products with me when I visit and "sneak" them into the bathroom and close the door to quickly do what I can without her knowing.

Dad feels responsible for mom and even though it is a difficult situation, he is not willing to have her taken to a senior care facility. They have been together for over 60 years and I can understand how he feels. We offer at every phone call or visit to be of help in any way. Dad knows that we are ready at any time to help him out with this, but he tells us that right now he can handle her. My sisters and I know that mom is going to get worse and we would love to have a plan A and B just in case dad's health fails and we need to decide how to help mom. Sorry about this being lengthy, but right now, my sisters and I are stressed about the situation and want to do something to help.

If anyone out there has a similar situation that would like to share, I would be grateful for suggestions.

Yes stories are very stretched with my mom too...she tells me that she had 13 kids and 3 husbands. I know the only person she was ever married to was my dad of 54 years and she had only 8 kids, not 13. But we just go with it..it's kinda comical sometimes. Because we really know the truth..and she thinks we are all amused by her stories, so she is happy.

My mother had a whole day of that today. We were decorating for Christmas -- well, I was. She spent the whole day getting ready to do something. She talked about how she had decorated the house last year. I had done it. She talked of how she bought the big bows for the porch railing. I had bought them for the sides of the house. She talked of how she wrapped tensil around the porch railings. Of course, I had wrapped them with garlands. When I told her I had done the buying and decorating, she said I had never done it, that she had done it all.

This morning she was really ragging on me about "us" getting the house decorated. About 3:00 I had most things done. She was still about to do her first thing -- set the little manger scene up. I told her that she had been so in a hurry, but she had not done a single thing yet. She said, "I knew if I said something, then you would get it done." I told her it was an awful, disrespectful thing to say. Sometimes I just don't know how I tolerate it. I do need respite seriously after the start of the new year.

Yes, my mom also does this, Like they said it is common. The "Loop" is very common also. My mom does not want to let go of the past sometimes. The bad past also. She takes a situation and turns it around to make it fit to what she wants happen. All I can do is say is, Oh my or whatever.

Abby, my husband also wanted to go home -- and he was home, in the house we'd lived in together for many years. The "want to go home" is pretty mysterious. Some think it is a desire to go to a childhood home when things were normal and pleasant. My husband's childhood was not normal and pleasant (he spent part of it in an orphanage) so that particular theory doesn't get my vote. Maybe it is just a desire to go back to a time when their mind was working normally and it isn't a physical place at all.

In any case, whatever it is that persons with dementia really want when they say they want to go home, it is not something we can give them. With luck and patience we can hope to help them feel comfortable and cared for and safe. But there is no need to feel guilty about the impossible, and guilt feelings just get in the way of a good relationship.

Thank you all for your comments. Mom just called me and said "the doctor just called and said he would be here tomorrow to release me". "The doctor" is a female Nurse Practitioner. She hasn't called. I think Mom creates her world around what she wants to happen. I don't argue with her or try to correct her. I do try to enter her world with her. Regarding the "wanting to go home" issue. It is my own guilty feelings that get in my way with this. I can see that she is so much happier and relaxed in her new environment, but she always talks about going home. Perhaps, she just is caught in that loop...as you said. Does she really want to go? Wouldn't she miss the friends she's made? Wouldn't she be scared again?

Oh my, this sounds just like my mil, who is 89 and in AL for the past 18 mos. so I am interested in how others deal with this. My mil is fine 90% of the time, but the other 10% is totally loopy. From this site (I'm new) I learned about confabulation, and now, like JessieBelle, I've learned not to correct her or reason with her, but it's upsetting when she thinks I'm the one at fault, so naturally I want to defend myself. For instance, she stated last week she didn't know about a dr's appt. I take her to all appts. It was on her calendar, the aides give her a reminder card the day before, I call her the day before to remind her as well as when I leave the house to pick her up. She wasn't ready when I arrived! She said she didn't know about the appt.! Also, My husband and I sometimes have dinner with her at the facility. I make the arrangements and call her, and while on the phone ask her to write it on her calendar. When we arrive, she is not ready, says I never told her, and she'd remember if I did! She also added that I "must be the crazy one" thinking that I told her when I "certainly did not!" Arrgghhh...!!! Okay, I'm learning to deal with this, and now have my husband remind her of appts , as she's a bit less likely to go off on him. She does, however, sometimes make up stories about others, and that can be hurtful. Recently, she complained to the staff that one of her tablemates "smells", they checked it out, the woman did not. Also, she doesn't like my daughter's long-time boyfriend because he has "suspicious eyes" .(I did not reply to these comments, just said "Really?") One doozy was when she said a fiftyish -looking year old man was sleeping with one of the residents. I saw him at a dinner, and he was obviously the woman's son since he appeared to know the staff. Some of this is laughable, but I hope her stories don't become harmful or that others believe them. None of this phases my husband, but I take things more personally, and so Abby, just let it go. I'm finally learning to do that.

As you can see from the other posts embellishing or plain making up stories is common in dementia. It doesn't happen in every kind of dementia or to every person with the disease, but it is happening with your mother. This is not something you can change. Accepting it gracefully is generally less stressful for the caregivers than fretting over it and trying to change what can't be helped.

It sounds like so far your mother's fantasies are pretty benign. If she gets to a point where her stories distress her -- she thinks her son has said horrible things or is stealing from her, etc. -- then you need to come up with ways that will comfort her, which is a lot harder. For now, just go along with her stories.

And congratulations on understanding that she is not telling lies. She is experiencing symptoms of her disease.

My mother writes her own stories quite often. She has also rewritten history. For example, yesterday she was talking to my aunt on the phone. She told her how we used to burn leaves in the backyard because there were no houses behind us -- only woods. We never burned leaves that I've seen and the houses behind us were here before we moved in. I don't bother to correct. Mostly it is just harmless stories. But the truth is that one can't believe a thing that she says anymore. She twists details of most things, takes real events and puts them in the wrong time or place, or just makes things up at the moment. After she says these things, they become fact. Strange thing is that she can remember the imagined truths and forget the real ones. The only thing I hope is that her confabulations don't become harmful.

I'm hiding today. My mother came up with a long to-do list for me. We need to do this today, and we need to do that. (sigh. tired)

My mom is at home; but the "stories" and elaborations are common with my mom. I agree with ladee's post above. All true experiences. I just listen and am patient and have stopped trying to correct her perception. I just accept it and wait for her to move on. Hard because they get in "a loop" like this and it likely will be repeated whenever you visit. Sorry you are going thru this -- but take a look at any discussions/questions here regarding "dementia" and you will see it is common and difficult phase.

Don't know if you have pictures of the old house or rooms, special momentos that you can give her to let her remember and cherish; but she might find a blanket, towel, pillow case, etc. from her old home comforting.

Abby, sometimes we just need to go to the world she lives in now... and not expect her to live in ours.... if she believes these things to be true, it's really not hurting anyone....and they all want to go home.... so that is normal for her... possibly try to redirect her when she wants to go home, or maybe ask her what she misses about home, sometimes they just get stuck on a subject and that's what thier world consists of... no harm.... trying to convince her otherwise is futile, upsetting for both of you, so just go to her world... she may be lonely in hers.... sending you hugs for being a daughter that wants the best for her mom...