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I hope you are just venting and do not truly wish you were dead. I know this is a great place to vent as I have been reading posts the last few days. So I hope that is what you are doing. But if you feel very out of control you should call someone, I think.
As for your mother saying you are evil you know that that is the disease talking and not her. I am in the beginning stages of taking care of my mother who has had a brain stem stroke , dementia and diagnosed OCD( she has been OCD most of her life) but I have a 16 year old with a genetic syndrome that results in mental retardation and many behavioral problems. She hits me, pushes me and spits on me all the time and she tells me she hates me. So I do understand about being hurt by ones you love. She does these things when she is mad and because she cannot communicate the way she wants and I know this but it is still hard. I have had to train myself not to take it personally. I have had to learn how to not react poorly to her behavior but stay calm. I say things to myself like "this does not have to ruin my day" and I make sure to have a nice activity planned that I can look forward to each day -even if it is only for a few minutes- like playing my spider solitaire or reading some of my favorite book-simple but something that I know I can look forward to so that in times of extreme stress I can think 'this is hard right now but later I will have time to .... '
You said that you have failed. I sincerely doubt that is true! All we can do is try our best!!! Sometimes our best is saying " I am no longer capable of handling this " and I think that is a very noble decision. If you are not able to take care of your mother anymore it does not mean you are failing- it means your mother needs professional help.
I hope you are ok. I hope you find help. I will keep you in my prayers.