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There are a few things that I do to preserve sanity. When she leaves a load of clothes in the dryer, I bring them in and say, "I brought your clothes in to fold." I also tell her that she needs to straighten her room before the rats and bugs decide it is a great place to live. No, we don't have rats and bugs, but she gets the idea.
It isn't easy living with me. :)
It is hard not to do everything for my mom due to her disabilities (mostly the vision) but I am so grateful she can wash and groom and dress herself. But I try to remind myself to let her do as much as she can.
Truly she may be needing attention b/c she isn't sure of what her role is. My Mom is in an AL. The big thing I notice is ROUTINE. Meals are served at the same time, Residents are encouraged to participate in the activities planned by the activity team. But you can mirror some of them in your home. If you are baking/cooking can she measure some of the easier ingredients? Now You are getting something done and she is part of it. Ditto on the laundry folding -- towels, t-shirts, etc. Play some of her type of music and give her a magazine. I watch the folks at my Mom's place go thru the magazine and I know they surely aren't reading it. (It's a memory care unit). But the residents love looking at the colorful photos and fashions. (BTW my Doctor is happy to give me his old waiting room magazines for the group! ) It also sounds like it is time to seek out a seniors group -- church or town), a 'day care' place, or whatever. Position your requests so she can be 'a help'. Can she occasionally come with you on an errand. It would be a big outing (and take longer I understand) but taking my hubby's 101 year old aunt to the grocery store twice a year (yes -- year) was the biggest thrill for her. When she was younger, 97 (LOL) I would leave her in the produce section while I got the other items. She thought she was in heaven!
Hope this helps,