By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
wow! What a life story! After reading it I honestly felt immediately sorry for both of you. And I also thought, and I may be wrong, that you feel guilt for placing her inanAssisted Living. You shouldn’t because you did the best you could and what was safe for her. I hear a lot of pain in your story, too. Maybe now you will both have peace. May God grant you peace and comfort and blessings. Take care.
I am very sorry for the loss of your mom.
It might seem that your cousin had a piece of your mom that was inaccessible to you. That if you could connect with her that it would be like connecting with mom? It’s healing to be in the company of those who love the same people that we love but if she harbors ill will then you are best without her.
Who knows what your mom may have told her or what cousin thought she knew about the situation? Give her and yourself time to heal. One day you might find an opportunity to say hello and find you have both grown past today’s resentments.
It is hard to lose a child. I am sure it was hard for you to carry the weight of her grief and her care and make your own life secondary to hers.
It’s like that old hymn that had the verse “we’ll understand it, all by and by”. We might not understand but it’s a comfort to think it’s possible.
Take care and let us be your cousins. Stop in to say hello when you feel up to it. You may have only been on Aging care a short while but you have years of experience to share.
I do hope you remain on this forum. Although your caregiving journey is technically over, it's not over emotionally and mentally. You'll carry a lot of pain with you because of how your mother treated you. You'll find a lot of similar experiences here, and comprehending that you aren't alone in those experiences is hugely healing. I know. This forum saved my life.
Another form of healing for you is you can offer your experiences to others who are suffering what you have, should you choose to share them. Expressing your thoughts, anger, and fear to a supportive group that is here is also hugely healing.
No matter what you decide, be good to yourself. I wish you well deserved happiness. {hug}
My searches for information regarding coping with parental loss and coping with painful family situations led me here.
There is comfort and camaraderie at this forum. You can shed insight and your experience is often appreciated.
You did the best you could for your mom. That’s all anyone can do.
As for your cousin situation, when a loved one passes, you find out who your true friends really are. You lost your mom and you feel like you “lost” your cousin too — that secondary loss brings extra pain.
If she isn’t there for you, she isn’t your true friend. I know it’s painful to accept. Maybe you regarded her as a close friend once.
My parents raised me to put family first. Growing up, I was so proud and completely admired many in my family. I would have done just about anything for all of them. That pride and admiration melted away when I desperately needed them and they refused to help. It has been hard to reconcile some of the ugly things that happened. When my parents died, it was my friends (not my siblings) who were by my side.
Look to the people who have been there for you and focus on them.
Come back to this forum whenever you want (or need).
There are are many here who understand exactly how you’re feeling.
I understand how you feel. You need a change of pace. Not reminders of sad things. If you feel like you’d like to offer support and share knowledge and experiences later on then please do so.
Best of luck to you. So sorry that you had so much to deal with. Take this time to heal. Many hugs. Take care.
Take care of you and only let people that matter near your heart for a while.
Hugs!
You may find comfort by staying on for a while. Please consider it.
My condolences on the loss of your mother. I hope she did find peace in the end.
About the cousin who wouldn't call to give her condolences, why do you value her opinion of you? Is she that important to you? Judging from her lack of compassion and decency, I'd say she's a person of inconsequential. Don't spend any time thinking about her. Why waste a thought when you can fill your head with many other more pleasant thoughts.
Many of us here are "ex" caregivers. We have perspective. We can see the arc of the journey and don't get bogged down in the details.
Please stay.