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Now living down the road from me now, I realized all I did was move all the dysfunction 200 miles closer. Dad continued to rage on Mom and she continued to drink. High functioning alcoholic and yes, both were what we call "street angels and house devils." Seemed perfectly fine to people outside but when in the house together was a nightmare of verbal, threatening and some times physical abuse. I ended up getting social services involved (that's the point I want to tell you about), to evaluate the situation. It was reassurance for me that the situation was unsafe for Mom and Dad needed help. So what we did was have the local Social services nurse come in and pretend she was evaluating Mom and she was really evaluating Dad. Away, it helped open my Mom's eyes that she was not safe. I got him admitted for a psychiatric evaluation and after a while got him on the right drug. He calmed down and though it was still hard, it was manageable. he is now in a NH becasue he fell so many times. So Zibba - think about getting an outside service to come in and evaluate them. YOU just need to make the phone call and be there. I went over to the house first, didn't give my parents any warning. I got to the house and said, "Mom, I asked a nurse to come today to take your blood pressure because I think it would be good for you," and I opened the door and it worked like a charm. It's one idea and maybe you could try it or a variation of it. It is Social Services job to help you. Keep writing!
xo
-SS
Please, keep us informed and know we are here for support.
What can she afford?
What are your options for selling assets to improve the resources she has to use in caring for him and herself?
How has she dealt with change at other times?
Has she ever asked for help?
We are here to listen as you explore you options.