By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I found the NH liberating. Because of an upcoming vacation, I even allowed them to launder Moms clothes. She was on Medicaid, the home was payee for her SS and pension. All I needed to do was visit. The house, is a different thing but figure I will lose it so not worrying there.
I assume Mom has a phone she can call u on. This will not last forever. She will forget how to use it. Someone mentioned there is a phone u can call them but they can't dial out. Or, next visit take it when she is not looking. The staff can tell her she must have misplaced it and they will be on the lookout for it. Or, just hang in there and wait till when she no longer knows how to use it.
I am assuming you live 3 states away for a reason. Look at it this way, it would be so much worse if you lived closer. When Mom calls and she gets started, tell her what she is doing is abuse and you will not tolerate it. If she can't keep the conversation pleasant, you will say goodbye.
Nope...
Take her phone call once a week if you can.
Then go on with your life. You've done the best you can. She'll never be satisfied.
"As ye sow, so shall ye reap." And it wasn't you who established the pattern of your relationship with your mother.
It is very sad, I am very sad, to think of a little old lady with advancing dementia alone and forlorn in a Nursing Home. You see that sort of thing on t.v., and everyone wants to rush round there with cake and balloons and whole choirs of charming eight year olds.
But then you have to come down to earth and think it through. Why is this lady sad and alone? And sometimes - not nearly always - it is because that is the situation she herself engineered.
In your mother's case, something made her angry and dissatisfied even with those she loved best. It could have been almost anything, but the one thing you can be sure of is that it wasn't your doing. And, actually, the other thing you can be pretty confident about is that there is not much you can do about it now beyond the cosmetics.
The only thing I would say is, that while it is a lovely, supportive gesture that your wife is making, your wife is no substitute for you. A nice extra, and it is sweet of her to take the trouble; but neither of you should imagine that speaking to your wife is a substitute for speaking to you in your mother's eyes. It just isn't.
If you can bear it, it would be better to develop a conversational routine, much in the same way as people say Our Father or their religion's equivalent, and write off those two minutes every day. I can tell you from experience that your saying "fine, very busy at work, are they looking after you?" will mean more to your mother than you think. Mind, I don't say this to make you feel guilty if you really can't face it. I'm just hoping to restore your sense of proportion about what's being asked of you. When it's all you've got left, superficial is better than no contact at all.
You're on the 'phone, don't forget. If push comes to shove you can always say "gotta go! Love you!" and hang up.
Dad is now in memory care. I don’t call because we can’t really have a conversation any longer due to his dementia. I check,in with staff regularly. I make the trip every 2 or 3 months for a visit.
It’s hard not to feel guilty. But in our situations this is as good as it gets. My dad and your mom are cared for. I just have to think back to when they were home, living on cereal, not bathing, mom falling , dad wandering etc.
Nothing will make your mom happy. I would cut down on the calls to her.
My mom would try to guilt trip me HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME.....I would tell her I’m not having this conversation again and leave or hang up.
I had moved her up north 2 years ago into nice ALF...
She demanded to go home and made our life a living hell over it..
After much pleading and discussions, I relinquished and moved her back.
She lasted 6 months, fell for the 5th time and landed in hospital again...
I then made provisions to move her to SNF and pretty much said that's it...
Are there any finances to hire someone to check in on her regularly or act as a friend or companion? Maybe that person could take some of the burdens off of you.