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You're human just like everyone else. None of us has an unlimited supply of saintly patience that can be maintained 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Telling your wife to shut up once in a while is not going to kill her. The fact that she was hurt and got up and went into the other room means that she still possesses some level of self-awareness.
If you're planning on keeping her at home and being her caregiver, you are going to have to learn how to ignore with love. Otherwise you will lose it yourself.
There has to be times when you completely ignore her. Nevermind how you think it will make her feel. She'll get over it and forget about it. Times when you ignore her to the point where you do not speak to her or even acknowledge that she's there. This is a coping mechanism that I had to learn when caring for elderly people with dementia. When you're in a house with someone who repeats the same question over and over, or makes the same snide and hurtful comments, or who tries to instigate trouble, or who is spreading the negativity and misery around hour after hour, and those hours are long, this becomes a high-risk situation for elder abuse.
You have to learn the ignoring. Make sure she's not getting into trouble or danger, but other than that totally ignore her sometimes.
This will help you cope. I've known many a good caregiver who were great people that did their best every day. Never lost their temper even slightly. Never told someone to 'shut up'. Never ignored them. Always maintained the patience level of a saint. Until the didn't and finally lost it. Then the elder gets slapped around. Or shoved to the ground. Or worse.
You live in abuse. Whether or not the abuse is dementia related really doesn't make much difference because you're still living with it.
How about exploring some care facilities for your wife? Just check some out. Or some homecare services? Or send her to adult daycare a few days a week?
Just go ahead and do it. She probably will not want to go or doesn't want homecare aides coming to your house.
Too bad. It's not her decision to make.
You need a break from her before your situation becomes high-risk for both of you.
May be old fashioned, but who doesn't like flowers as an apology?
if I recall correctly you posted before that your wife did not want any outside help and you were doing caregiving alone.
Apologies if I am wrong about it and I hope I am wrong.
But if you are not getting time for yourself, or enough time you need more.
Do not feel guilty.
I was so involved with my husband’s disease if I continued I would be screaming every day.
But, this year after 2 surgeries and lots of care, losing appetite, no sleeping, I had to get help and put myself first.
Professional advise of detachment thru anticipatory grief was right for me, I can accept now and move on ( not always), anger returns but less, as I concentrate more on my life.
She has Alzheimer's; I don't! Her capacity is diminished and her ability for reasonable thought is likewise. I was mostly concerned that I might be losing my ability to maintain my composure in every situation, no matter how irritating they may get. I owe her that!
Arkie, you very well MAY do this again and again if you are going to be the sole 24/7 caregiver to a woman with advancing AD. What's your plan to get respite for yourself so you're not plagued with burn out and compassion fatigue? You're better off taking a realistic approach to this situation rather than publicly beating yourself up for biting off more than you can chew. Failure to plan is a plan to fail. You can't possibly do this all alone...its too much. Admit that and find help to come in so you can get out for a few hours a day. That will help relieve the tension and resentment that naturally builds up when you're trapped in such a role alone all the time. Recognize what's happening and take steps to alleviate your stress. AD affects both of you and can wind up killing YOU before HER if you're not careful. #Truth.
Please listen up and let this be your wake up call.
Although my wife is only in the early stages of dementia and fairly competent, I’ve been where you are. What I said above has helped us. God Bless!
We try to do better. Emphasis on trying. Not always succeeding.
Caregiving is emotional roller coaster.
Do something nice for both of you, nice dinner, good movie?