By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
It sounds like your Mom is angling for you to become her caregiver and like she has a similar personality as my Mother and I've had my Mother for 16 years. IF I could go back my answer to everything would be NO.
Every good intentioned entanglement tightens the noose around your life and undoing the knots is a lot more difficult than never making them.
Also, talk to a good social worker. They have tons of good information and advice.
Angel
That is where you went wrong. You are NEVER responsible for looking after another adult unless you choose to. She seems very selfish and only communicates with you when you need something. If I were in this situation there is no way in hell i would do the hands on caregiving. She has put herself in this situation. Let her get herself out. Sorry to sound harsh...but I'm angry about what you have gone through and what she expects you to do to fix it. This is not your problem...no is a complete sentence.
Angel
Here I am, I guess looking for a place to vent without judgement and maybe a few suggestions as to how to talk to her so she isn't so combative.
Thanks for reading all of this, it helped me by just getting it out.
They she will be there alone and the worse will happen. Everyone says make her move, put her in a nursing home. She is only 71 and could live a full active life if she took care of herself. I really don't want anything to happen, but I am having a hard time moving past me hurt feelings of the past and finding the strength to battle with her over her behavior.
Mid January 2016, I get a phone call from the aid that she found her unconscious that morning and the ambulance took her to the ER. Honestly I did not rush, I went to work, called the aid who did stay with her at the ER. She was admitted to the hospital and I went the next day to see her. She was bad, they did not know how long she was unconscious. She was not talking, fighting and hitting the nurses. They did get her sugars to level out. 4 days later she finally started talking at least yes and no. She did not have a stroke, but had been in a diabetic comma. She stayed in the hospital for 12 days. She diffidently had brain damage. Could not remember peoples names, thought she lived at her old address in New Jersey and the year was 1964. So off to an acute rehab care center. My brother did come down for four days to help me get her in the center. We waited to see how much damage was done and what she would get back. I was there everyday as she would not speak to any of the doctors or nurses for the first month. They I think she finally realized what was happening and she did the therapy and speaking. Still not eating except for cereal, hot dog or fruit. So from this time until June, I visited, brought her fruit, did her laundry, drove her to her regular doctors (as they would not go there) and worked to help her get well. Amazingly she has recovered her memory and functions about 80%. She could go home. She agreed to increase the home aid service to 24 hours until he see how she can take her of herself.
Well June 1st she went home, she has not been eating regularly and taking her medication properly. The aids cook for her, she wont eat it, they remind her to take her insulin and bills. It is a fight just to get her to check her sugar. So six days later to the er and hospital she goes. After a few days she is sent home.
I try to tell her that she has to follow doctors orders and stop fighting the aids. She tells me that she does not have to do what I say. My brother is coming down on the 24th to see what he can do. But I am having anxiety attacks every time I the phone rings or anytime I have to call or go there.
I tried to get her the understand the she needed to take better care of her self and do what the doctors says. Of course that was wrong of my was quickly explained I don't know anything and the doctors are all wrong and er diabetes is different then others. At that time I tried to mend our relationship, however she just wanted me to take her out to eat and run errands with her. Don't speak, just let her do what she wanted. i can not tell you the amount of times she was in and out of the hospital. But she was right. And also the whole time telling me that I was fat, not good at my job and a disappointment. As a result I spent less and less time visiting her, but of course worried about her health still calling a few times a week to make sure she was not in a comma.
Now, she decides to invite a friend to become a room mate. I had no problem with this. It actually brought relief. So for the next seven years the lived together and her friend saved her life I do not know how many times. The whole time my mother complained that her friend was annoying trying to tell her what to eat (the friend cooked every meal, which my mother demanded) and when to check her sugar.
During this time my mother stopped returning my phone calls, when I would go to visit she would stay in the room for maybe an hour then just leave and go to her room and watch TV. No, I am tired, no good-bye just leave the room. If it was not for friend / room mate I would not know anything that was going on.
At one she live in my neighborhood and walked my dogs around her block just to make sure she was there and things seemed ok. Then one day my husband and I brought lunch over to her for the friend was out of town visiting her family. Sitting out on the patio she proclaims, "My new house has no pool". I said excuse me, she said she was moving, nut it was just 5 miles away. She refused to answer why, she would not even tell me the address. I had to look it up on the county website in order to know.
Two week later she moved. Which my husband and I helped her to do. She lived there for a year. During that time she made excuse as to why I could not visit, too tired, to sick, going out and just no. So I backed off and let her be. Her friend / roommate and I talked and she would let me know when there was a problem.
Now, I soon (Summer of 2014) see on facebook that her friend is selling alot of her stuff and some of my mom's stuff. I call and ask what is going on. My mother says that she wants new furniture and downsizes. OK, no problem. Did not see her for the Holidays, as went on a cruise. Now it is February 2015 and again on facebook I see a local Realtor post that he just sold this house, you got it it was my mother's house. Feeling angry, I called her asking what was going on. She says she wants to live on the water and is moving to this small town a hour away. again does not want to give my the address or any more information. Just that she can do what she wants. I do speak to the friend and she explains they had visited her friends up there and my mom liked it and the next thing she was buying a house and a piece of property to build a house on. What! She gave me the address and new phone number. I admit feeling hurt and finally done. I did not visit, only a weekly phone call to make sure she was alive.
July 2015, rolls around and I get a call from the friend, Who ask me if I know that they have been fighting and my mother asked her to move out. I said of course not, she tells me nothing. The friend does wind up moving out. I tried to talk to my mom about what happened, but was told it was none of my business. I asked if she would consider moving back closer to where I live, told she like it there. Well with in a week of her living alone I start getting calls from the neighbors that she is passing out and not answering the door. She is having diabetic events due to low blood sugar. After about the 10 trip to the emergency room an hour from where I live. I told her that this is not working and we have to figure out how to stop this from happening before you wind up dead. Of course told to leave her alone. So I finally get my brother involved. (He has not come to see her in 10 years, just occasional phone calls.) He sends his wife down to visit and with her help we were able to get her a home aid to come in a few hours a day five days a week.
My perspective on the way she treats my is one of inconvenience. For the most pat she does not call, speak or include me in her life, unless no one else would help her then she called me.
Why do you care what other's think?
Sorry to be blunt, but so many folks here end up making their own prisons; they think that there is some legal obligation for children to care for their parents.
Tell us what is going on; we're pretty good listeners here!