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Unfortunately (in more ways than one..heheh) the distance would probably be too far for it to work. We're about 1/4 mile from her with woods in between houses. Plus she has no internet/wifi service, nor can she afford it. A great idea though!
I've thought more than once about how helpful it would be to have some kind of video suveillance system setup - like a nanny cam. But aside from grappling with the moral/ethical reservations I have over "spying" on her, the cost of setting something like that up would probably be prohibitive. *sigh*
The "evil" side of me, however, does find the entertainment potential intriguing......
You can open your garage door, turn lights on, tv, water etc... all from wherever in the world you are to your house. Hmmm.... it might just be something to look into... for several reasons ;)
Could be helpful to yaya but could also be an evil, vindictive way to drive MIL nuts.
Guess I better start writing soon.
Yaya, how far does MIL live? I bet you can find some sort of remote control App that can be installed and then you'd just have to push a button and voila' TV is on again...all from the comfort of your own bed!!
Thanks for the compliment. I'm a frustrated writer with no time to write. LOL I have a million stories inside my head just clamoring for release, but no time to put them down. One of these days...
Amazingly, I have 2 accomplishments to post to Captain's thread today. Immediately after I posted my whine above, 2 amazing things happened. I'll have to share them later.
My whine for today.....getting called at 2:00 AM not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES in a row (our hellos never got a response) as hubs and I are scrambling to wake up, get dressed (more or less), grab the car keys, run out to the car in the dark of night and race over to MIL's....adrenaline pumping....questions racing through out minds - did she fall out of bed? Is she hurt?....only to get there and find her lying peacefully, calmly in her bed. What's wrong? hubs asks her. "My TV went off. I can't get it turned back on again." REALLY??!!!
I confess...I lost it a little. I'll appologize to her later, but her HHA comes to wash and dress her this morning so for now I'm going to just sit here and enjoy my coffee (and my rant) and attempt to collect myself.
Then maybe later, after I apologize, I'll post it as my "Accomplishment" for today on Captain's thread.
Day 4
Captor refuses to shower. House reeks of b.o. and urine, and whenever she moves (which is rarely), the intense odor increases, causing me to nearly gag. I try to open windows to increase ventilation - she counters this move by demanding I close them and turn the heat up, thereby stifling me in this odorous, closed-in space. She sees my discomfort but says nothing - heartless. She constantly increases the volume on the television, making it impossible to concentrate on anything - and when I am able to gain control of the remote and turn it down (or off) when she's sleeping, she wakes up and insists I turn it back on - or that I turn it back up - and then goes back to sleep! Torture. There must be a law against this sort of treatment.
She sleeps...but wakes immediately upon my having completed a task and returned to my seat to begin my work....and demands that I get back up and retrieve something for her from the next room, or make her a snack - things she could easily do herself, but requires of me instead.
I must escape. But how? I have no allies, no confidants who will come to my aid. They abandoned me when I entered this place, saying they had lives of their own and couldn't help me. I cannot even count on my government to intervene on my behalf.
I must remain strong. I will.
Not too much incentive for the guys to be too particular. Thus, my husband never really liked a shower and used the hand bowl for most of his cleanliness. Now, I can just barely get him to do that. And a bath or shower - heaven forbid. "I haven't done anything to get dirty - why a shower so often (like once a week, at most?)
I am responsible for keeping the nether regions clean due to lack of control and poor balance, but a complete bath with shampoo - never without complaint. It's gotta' be today - putting my foot down! There! Now, I'm committed....
(sigh) ok. Rant over. Time to put on my headphones, turn on some music and try to make a dent in this pile of work. Oh wait...what's that smell....darn. Oh gee...it's Mom...again. Shower day was yesterday, and she still hasn't showered and resists all gentle nudging by me to do so. Time to play the bad guy again - which I HATE - and tell her the smell is bad in the house and she is the source. :-( It's effective - usually gets her to shower and she exclaims how much better she feels afterwards - but just getting her to do it...ugh.
HEY!! I lived. It is ok. The Hospice peeps called it "furniture skiing" Who Knew?
A two week vacation? Oh Yea! I'm down...who is parent sitting?
.
yup got the guilts,the tears, the hopefuls then the not hopefuls, emotional roller coaster is an understatement..Thank you all for sharing.
Linda
Mom told the Neurologist off today... why? Well, when we left I said "she's a feisty old lady ain't she"? The doc laughed.......... OMG You are taking up for HER and not listening to me!!! Sigh....
Lots of love to all of us dealing with this... it is not easy.
She is now full of love and does not remember being a nasty cranky old feisty b*tch
double sigh
Do I have my purse?
Did I forget something? Always thinking about the purse
Where is my purse?
Arrgghhh
Mom has been declining at an alarming pace? Either that or I've been really blind.... the hallucinations started a few weeks ago. Up all hours of the night wandering the house thinking there is people in there trying to kill her.... running telling the police men ( they know she's got AZ) that I beat her... oh man...
Today she had her Neurologist appt. GOOD GOD you'd thought I was committing her!... no Ma, just a check up to make sure the patch is doing its thing. Nope, she sat there, arms folded, eyes in death slits... told the Neurologist I was just trying to get her committed and I was lying about everything. The Dr just smiled and told her that I was just trying to keep her safe. Prescribed her Seroquel ... sigh. It would be easier to have a private consult with the doc vs. describing all that goes on in front of her. SHE FORGETS!! 20 minute drive to docs, 40 questions about where we are going. 40 answers all the same. YET, I never told her.
I took her to the little mall afterwards so we could walk around and window shop and have a nice lunch. NOPE! She wouldn't get out of the car.... after much persuasion she managed to get out...but then walked ten feet behind me. Every time I stopped, she stopped and glared. If I came close to her, she'd make that hissing noise. really? She hasn't spoke to me all day (whew)
So... my whine is; why do I get so mistreated for doing my best for her and my brothers get all the Disney Dad Glory?
Mom IS going to daycare 3 times a week.... after the seroquel kicks in.
Bedtime yet?
I can't have her go to the store with me anymore. Why you may ask? She will put 12 cans of tuna, 6 boxes of oatmeal, 4 boxes of denture cream, and 4 boxes of wine and then she will put that all back. She will forget all that and start over again. I can't do my own shopping because I have to supervise. It took us almost 2 hours to grocery shop for 6 items one day. The repeating stuff still is making me nutty.
When she's sleeping she might be uncomfortable so try a very small pillow under her knees or each leg on a soft pillow. She might have "restless legs" which is very annoying for the sufferer. It does not usually happen all the time but it gives you a strong desire to constantly move the legs. They take on a life of their own.
Ask her Dr about that. Sorry I can't help with the snoring or farting. lying on the side would help with snoring if she'd do that.
My whine moment today is about my own intolerances or "ew" issues that I just can't tolerate, but have to, because I'm the only one caring for mom.
I have a serious issue touching other people's feet. Not little baby "I'm gonna num num num kiss kiss kiss those itty bitty piggies" feet. We're talking about adult feet - specifically MOM'S feet. Cutting her nails, putting her socks & shoes on, etc - it's enough to send me into a shuddering fit, and I have to wash my hands when I'm done, because her feet just gross me out. I know it's a little nuts, but I just can't deal with them.
Today, it's Mom's cricket-like habit of rubbing her feet and legs together when she's laying down and the sound of her feet/legs rubbing together that's getting to me. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. I know when she hasn't taken her pills, because her legs are so restless that she can't lay still - which was the case today. She laid down before taking the pills, and I think she was trying to play a symphony on her feet/legs.
I work from home, and Mom refuses to sleep anywhere but the living room, which is where my desk is. If I try to work from another room, she gets upset and says she's lonely. I'm seriously considering moving my desk into the kitchen, at least, so I can have some semblance of a professional working environment -one without someone snoring, farting, and rubbing her legs together while I'm trying to work....(sigh).
The challenges we face...I tell ya.....
My sense of humor is a bit twisted but it has saved me from the demons that torture others.
The one thing that does bother me though is the lack of support for caregivers.For instance, an elderly person living with family is unable (in my state) to take advantage of home health care services.In order to have help with bathing or other they must be bedridden or living on their own.
If the elderly person is reasonably good health they will not be admitted to hospital even if they have the flu. (my mom is 94 and doc said he could not "justify" admitting her under the current law.
As she suffers from dementia and my hubby and I are in our 60's we were advised to look into placement for her.Her income is very low(factory worker all her life) no assets, but decent insurance.What is open to her are shared room accommodations in a setting that caters to a population with all disabilities.
I've worked in these settings and it's less than ideal (to say nothing of understaffing).
Many caregivers are struck.There is no way out.There is no cavalry coming to share the burden.Our parents and grandparents are forced to move in with us at a time of life when most are struggling with their own health issues, financial problems or lack of training available only through books or coarses that few can afford.
Most are physically and mentally unprepared for what they are facing.The worse of which is facing your own mortality.Seeing every day what you might become or face in the not so distant future. A truly frightening thought for a youth driven society.
Aging Care is one of the few sites that offers practical hands on experience advice and support.It's a least a place to feel you belong when all desert you.
Thank you all for being here for me, for us and for those that follow us.