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We can never be ready for this loss, but I do know my own daughter is well aware of what is coming now I am 80, and she is well ready and she is strong and prepared to live her life ongoing without me. I want her to CELEBRATE me, not mourn me. Were she to feel guilt about me, how does THAT honor me. She does me honor when she stops and smells the roses.
Go out, make some friends. And yes, of course remember and grieve AND celebrate your Mom as well.
Again, I am so sorry for your grieving, but call it by the right name.
I'm sorry for your loss. When you've had time to regain some perspective you'll be better able to mourn her without the guilt complications. Wishing you comfort.
I was a very good daughter, who had a difficult mother my whole life. I still loved her and did every single thing within my power to keep her safe and secure for the past 10.5 years; same with my father who passed in 2015. I too was stressed and frustrated with her behavior and rancor towards me, and I prayed DAILY that God would come and take her Home. Not b/c I hated her or b/c she was such a pain in my arse, but b/c she was suffering with advanced dementia and about 10 other issues that made her misery even worse than it had been her whole life. She knew I didn't 'hate' her b/c I did everything FOR her, just as you did for YOUR mother. Don't put ideas into your head out of a false sense of guilt where none is warranted.
My father told me my whole life that "We come into this world alone & we die alone." That's a fact. Even if you and I were sitting there holding our mother's hand as they took their last breath, they STILL would have died alone. I firmly believe that a soul departs before their body dies. Meaning they're long gone before the body gives up, watching us from above and feeling sad that we're going through all that trauma, while they are at perfect peace.
Take THAT thought with you as you move forward now, without guilt b/c you did nothing wrong. You were a good daughter, as was I, who did what we could for difficult mothers when others in our shoes may have given them up to state guardianship! We stuck it out to the bitter end and now WE deserve peace ourselves. To impose MORE punishment on ourselves NOW, after it's all said and done, is the ultimate torture that no human being deserves. And certainly not a loving human being who's gone above and beyond the call of duty for her mother during her lifetime!
Enough.
Allow yourself to grieve this loss and to then move on with YOUR life. You deserve to.
My condolences on your loss, my friend. Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace.
Most ppl cannot be around literally 247, not even family caregivers. There is a cance with most of us that we will pass alone, and at the end it is as solitary an experience as being born.
Theres a thread here called is it wrong to hope someone dies. The consensus is that this is very common.
You were a good daughter and got your mom the care she needed, even though it wasn't what she wanted.
This is from one of your posts:
"My mom was very verbally abusive and mean to me as a kid. She was terrible to me after my dad passed recently and it made me resent her even more. I still took care of her in regards to getting her care. "
If you had left her alone in her squalid house, she still would have died, only MORE alone and in a filthy home.
Please try to find peace with the good choices you made.