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I'm not really mad at any one person, just mad at the situation and how sad and unfair it is for all parties involved."
So that's part one of a very important discussion -- Grandma isn't going to continue to live with you. What's part two? What is the plan to get her out?
As far as not being mad at one person, I'd be most mad at your MIL. Didn't she lie by omission how bad off Grandma was? Why did she want to throw your H, her son, under the bus? Does your son have siblings? (Just curious -- I'm always interested to know why one sibling or another gets the caregiving dumped on them.)
She can have had many reasons for burning out, don't forget. I agree that this particular one would lead me too to think "oh great, sure, funerals R us, imminent death a speciality of the house round here" and similar sarcasms, but I should let it go.
What I wouldn't let go is the necessity for a practical plan going forward to protect your young marriage. What are the options?
You accepted Grandma in. Her needs are more than you anticipated.
So either you put your energies into learning care/nursing skills & adding more support or put your energies to changing the situation.
What do you want to do?
I'm not really mad at any one person, just mad at the situation and how sad and unfair it is for all parties involved.
I would begin discussions with hubby sooner rather than later. The MIL is already a moot point because she has said she doesn't want what she doesn't want and you have taken over.
I would discuss options for placement if this is a burden with repercussions for you marriage. And I am afraid, if I could get nowhere in understanding, this would be the shortest marriage on my marital dance card.
I sure do wish you luck. Taking in an elder to your home is not something that should be done quickly or lightly or without a whole lot of planning and discussion. That's water under the bridge now, though. So better late than never to use but one more tired cliche.
I think you might be misplacing some of your anger. I wonder if you aren't a bit angry at hubby for just acting on this wish of your MIL instantly? Or mad at yourself for not protecting yourself and your OWN home? To me your MIL is the most moot of all the points here.
I hope you'll update us and I sure do hope things go well.
My MIL wanted to keep the bed for guests.
Per your profile:
I am caring for my grandmother Winnie, who is 89 years old, living in my home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, heart disease, and mobility problems.
Good luck to you.
But yeah, I never would have agreed to her living with us when she requires full-time care. I'm a big fan of assisted living done right, and would have rather pursued that route ahead of time. It all happened so suddenly that I was having to scramble to buy her a bed off of Facebook Marketplace that night.
I hope you can figure your way through this mess and still maintain a relationship with your MIL.
Good luck