By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
"He has seriously high blood pressure, both kidneys are shot and a very weak heart. Throw in the sleep apnea, gout and high cholesterol and you have a perfect recipe for disaster."
I found this
"Uncontrolled high blood pressure causes mental decline in elderly patients. ... Mental decline was so substantial in some patients, they were at high risk for developing dementia, which can be an early symptom of Alzheimer's disease."
And this
"A common symptom of kidney failure is delirium . This is a mental state that's marked by confusion and restlessness. It develops because the toxins that are accumulating are affecting the brain."
Throw in a weak heart that can't pump blood thru his body so no oxygen getting to the brain and you have a man who may not live much longer. If he winds up in the hospital then rehab have him evaluated for a NH. Apply for Medicaid. You will be left with money to live. He will have 3 meals a day, Be clean and cared for. NHs have their own doctors. All supplies and toiletries are provided. They do the laundry. He will get a Personal Needs Fund from his SS. About $50 a month that can be used for personal needs. Clothing, snacks, cigs, etc. Then you can have a life.
I sense that you do care about this man, or you wouldn't have stayed and put up with this as long as you have. It sounds like you are just beyond burned out and aggravated. If he does have dementia though, keep in mind that he is probably not cognizant that some of the things he is doing are out of the ordinary.
If he refuses to see the doctor, I would look into whether a Baker Act would be possible to admit him to a geriatric psych facility on the grounds that he is a danger to himself due to non-compliance with life-saving meds, hygiene issues, and possible depression (could be why he sits in front of the TV all day).
His breathing is so bad that if I am in the bathroom with the door closed I can hear the sounds. He claims he is a naturally heavy breather... yeah right. I can't help wishing that the fact he is off his meds he will just go quickly. I just can't take it. The sum total of his day is to watch all his favorite programmes on the TV. This is a highly educated man who was very vibrant and athletic but now is practically bed bound ( by choice). There are some mornings when I go to the bathroom and the garbage is placed in the bathtub or in the refrigerator.
It definitely sounds like he has some cognitive or mental issues, or both. Not to mention the physical issues with his BP, kidneys, etc. you mentioned.
You won't necessarily have to become his F/T caregiver if the worst is confirmed. It may be possible that he needs AL or skilled nursing facility care. However, the first step is to get the correct medical diagnosis so that you can figure out how best to help him.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are really stressed and burned out, and I don't blame you, it would be hard to live with for anyone. Hopefully you can get some answers.
Right now he's been wearing the same sweats for weeks, day and nights. When he wants to walk around in the neighborhood, he just drags on a shirt over the whole thing and off he goes, pleased as punch. Spoke to his doc and first response was Alzheimers. Doc refuses to send him for testing unless I sit with him and state what the problem is in front of hubby...yeah right! I'm the one who has to go home with him.
I am hoping he will fall or something so I will be "forced" to call the ambulance and they will cart him away. I swear I would change the locks after.
I feel cheated, resentful and don't want to be thrust in the role of his caregiver if the worst comes because we never had much of a marriage from the get go.
Btw...his mother had Alzheimer's.
If he does have some sort of "incident" that causes him to go to the hospital, at that point you could have them do some testing for dementia. Until then, you need to take care of yourself. And I personally would do that by leaving, or having him leave. If there is no problem (as he says) then he can take care of himself.
But contact a lawyer first, so you know your rights.
My knee jerk response is to tell you to get out, this is no marriage worth preserving, there is neither love or respect or physical intimacy. Anyway, I'm just answering to bring your post up to the top of the forum where hopefully others will see it and offer advice.