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We used to have so much freedom and now, we are nearly housebound. And even when there is possibility of escape, there is no spontaneity to it. We went from flying off to somewhere for the day or weekend twice a month - with no pre-planning, to "well, we would have to find/pay someone to stay home with Mom." Even attending my son's football games become a logistical event.
Dinners out? Well, let's see...Mom stinks so would need a shower, will probably take an hour to get out of the house even if she doesn't stink. She isn't going to thank us for the night out anyway. Do we make someone stay behind? Not fair to them.
Everything has to be planned around her and she just sits there, like royalty, waiting for food to appear before her and for everyone to be at her beck and call.
I miss normal.
I've been reading your journey with hubby and I know it is a challenge, but honestly you need to see your family doctor to give you something to take the edge off.... it really can help... really. I was in denial for 7 years that I needed something, I thought I could deal with it on my own until I crashed and burned. Now I can kick myself for not listening to my primary doctor. If only I could turn back time !!
My inlaws were losing their normal life. FIL's expectations about what his golden years were going to look like - exotic cruises with friends, visiting far flung family - were shattered. And he did not know what to do with himself. As he fixated on his wife's illness, his anxiety and depression went into overdrive. He was driving himself and those around him crazy.
Since my inlaws moved to independent living, MIL has the help she needs and FIL participates in a few activities that get him out of the house for an hour or two on most days. And he is a much more pleasant person to be around.
All that to say that your husband has deficits that you do not. Please do not lose yourself like my FIL did. As your husband focuses on his recovery, I hope you will find something new for yourself. It is okay to make time for yourself.