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I agree with shakingdustoff--some of mother's worst falls have happened with someone standing right there next to her. It just happens.
Mom doesn't listen to me either. She'll forget her walker and walk about clinging to the walls for support. It's kind of a useless endeavor to get her to be compliant, and I don't even try anymore.
Insisting on getting up w/o support doesn't reflect independence; it reflects stubbornness, which is antithetical to maintaining the very goal of independence.
My father used to remind me that he and a (former UDT/Frogman) friend took a tumbling course decades earlier and learned how to fall and protect themselves. Although he did fall twice (either during or after taking Fosamax) and suffered a fracture each time, he fell numerous times after those episodes and never again suffered a fracture. We worked together to place furniture in strategic places so he had something to fall into, or to hold onto as he slipped down to the floor.
I wasn't really comfortable with this level of "protection", but the fact that the numerous falls didn't result in any fractures made me think more seriously and respect his plans.
I'm now in the process of rearranging my whole house to compensate so that if I do fall, I either have a hand hold or something soft to hang onto. I'm going to add grab bars and vertical braces for the basement stairs, grab bars for the stairs to the second story, elevated entry for the side entrance where the ground is subsiding...
I want to "fall proof" my house before I have to start worrying more about falls and fractures.
Frankie, perhaps you can take that approach. Ask your mother what you can do to enhance her living arrangements to provide additional support - grab bars, removal of rugs, utensils in boxes next to her favorite chair, kitchen dishes at a convenient level, etc.
Try something simple - perhaps a commode in the bedroom (although you'll need to brace the legs so it doesn't tip) …. one thing at a time.
If mom is independent, then she can be seen by A and E on her own; if she DOESN'T have dementia and you set this boundary--that you don't show up and "rescue" her when she foolishly tries to do what she's been told she shouldn't--then she may think twice about arising on her own.
However, if she's got dementia, she CAN"T remember or reason logically. She may need a higher level of care than a care home can give.
Have they considered a bed alarm for her?
I'm seriously thinking of not going to the ER the next time my mother goes (she hasn't been in a year, knock on wood). I am not allowed into her medical appointments, so why should I be there in the ER with her?
She says she knows how much I dislike going to the ER with her (ummm, yes...we are there until the early hours of the morning, it always takes around 6 hours, she refuses to do all the tests -- specifically MRI -- that could determine what's going on). One time I had a broken toe and my foot was swollen. I don't like the expectation that *I* will accompany her to the many trips to the bathroom. (I've started really pushing back on THAT expectation.)
Do YOU have to go to A and E? If she's independent, she can be there by herself, can't she?