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I have found that people who have been loving and kind throughout their lives remain that way, even when things are tough for them.
People who have been miserable throughout their lives usually die in misery. There is no changing them.
Why hope they will be different towards the end of their lives? It’s a waste of time and energy.
There is so much power in allowing someone to be who they are. This doesn’t mean that we have to like who they are.
The older I get the less I focus on who others are and realize that it is more important for me to focus on who I wish to be.
Others actions or lack of actions don’t matter as much to me anymore. I don’t want to be overly concerned about someone else’s behavior if it robs me of my peace.
Advice: Limit interactions as much as possible.
Until they feel a need to change, they won't.
My mother too is like this. A negative, miserable narcissist who wallows in self-pity and loves nothing more than to be the bearer of bad news.
I don't know if you're a fan of the Harry Potter movies but if you are, you will know right away what a dementor is. That's my mother.
Protect yourself. My mother's misery and abusive neediness almost destroyed me.
You're fortunate that she's in AL and not living with you. Start limiting your visits. Bring a second person with you when you do visit. It helps.
Tell me. If you walked in one day and she showered smiles and kisses on you and told you all about her gratitude prayers that morning, wouldn't you wonder what she'd taken?
Don't be miserable and sad. Accept the lady for who she is and adjust your expectations of her.
My father passed in March. She lives in the ALF because my father talked her into it. He died 2 months after they moved in. He wanted her to be closer to family, they lived an hour from our home. She lives 10 minutes from me and my daughter and her great grandchildren.
I never knew how much she relied on my father for day-to-day living.
Yes she has always been a cold mother. Never an I love you, or praise of any kind. I didnt raise my kids that way. I tell them I love them all the time, my grands too! I guess I have to accept her as she is but it doesn't make me want to visit as much.
She has not one ounce of gratitude in her soul for all the things and people who have cared for her, done for her, blessed her life.
She has always had a beautiful home. Always had food to eat. Always had a hardworking husband till she kicked him to the curb for whatever reasons, unbeknownst to any of us.
She still complains and talks about things that happened 71 years ago as if they happened yesterday. Nothing is forgotten. Nothing is forgiven.
Somehow, in her angry, hate filled life, she has made me the reason she (supposedly) has insomnia and has not slept in 47 years. She'll relate a story and you get to thinking 'when did THIS happen?' and you find out it was in 1965. Like it happened yesterday and she's still suffering.
I 'divorced' her 3 years ago. Best thing I've ever done. DH is unhappy about this, b/c he liked having me in the path of Hurricane Verla. Now he goes to visit and comes home miserable and sad.
She may have depression, but she would NEVER admit to it and she would NEVER do anything about it.
Some people are just wallowing in their own misery and that's the way they want it. I'll never figure her out.
Like my dh says, "some people love misery so much, they meet it half way."
Has your mother always been this way? If so, I wouldn’t expect her to change at this point in time.
Do you suspect depression or that she isn’t feeling well?
Your profile says your mom is in Assisted Living.
Is she unhappy? Depressed?
Has she always been this way, or is this new behavior?
What medical issues does she have?
More information will get you better answers.