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But what you said about socially awkward pauses… so there you are thinking oh God I can't think of any conversation… and there they are thinking she's wonderful looking after her mother, oh God I couldn't do that I feel such a worm… and then you really can't think of anything to say… and then they think oh God if I did caregiving I'd be standing at parties like a tin of milk too, like her, poor thing…
I know what you mean about Mommy brain, but what irked me about that was that, the second you told anyone you had small children, they automatically assumed you'd have nothing interesting to say and became extremely dull people to talk to. I.e. it wasn't us, it was them!
Look, it's not like there isn't a lifetime of interesting and intelligent discourse going on on this very site, is it? I have to tell you, I also belong to a copywriters' forum, and oh my goodness they don't half rate themselves. But when it comes to content, form, meaning and communication, AC has every one of those cocky little so-and-sos licked. Empty shells? Not a bit of it. What we are is living under permanent fire.
Oh. And now I've realised I'm looking at page one of this thread and there are another 24 posts to read. Eheu! Which is Latin for 'alas.' Only took me 90 seconds to bring it to mind… See? We're doing fine :/
I know what youre saying cant live with her in peace and cant leave because of the guilt mums moods are getting worse i hope too her doc can give her something to calm her soon! but thankgod you have a caring niece im the only one here who seems to give a d*mn about mum here? i still dont know how siblings can be so selfish?
That startled me, but I have to keep reminding myself I literally have two households to keep running.
In the past I use to go grocery shopping without a list.... now in the past year since my parents don't physically go grocery shopping with me anymore, I have to have two lists.... thank goodness for on-line grocery shopping, but still I have to keep track of their list on-line and my list on-line.
Then I have to keep track of my medical issues and medicines, and have knowledge of my sig others medical issues/meds.... and keep track of my Mom's issues/meds and my Dad's issue/meds. When who needs to go to the doctor, etc. Too much for me to keep track of :P
And I feel positively brilliant! There's nothing like communing with nature to restore a wounded soul or a congested mind.
Or at work, a website will ask to update a password with a new one. NOOOOOOO.... I don't want to remember a brand new password !!!!
To remember passwords at home I print the first page of a website and write on top the passwords and put it into a 3 ring binder. That has saved me a lot of frustration.
I know I feel overwhelmed at times, each day feels the same, every telephone call to my parents is the same thing like "what do you think of the weather?" "did you do any yard work?|" when I talk to my Dad.... and because of Mom's hearing, I am repeating every sentence or rephrasing hoping she will understand.
It's almost as if caregivers are swallowed up by their need to focus on what noncaregivers might consider minutiae.
I'm sure someday the DSM will include something like Caregiver Brain Syndrome for those affected by this phenomenon.
I also have much less tolerance for people who (to me, anyway) complain, gripe, b*tch too much for my liking. It might not be excessive to a non-care-giver, but for me, I just want to yell at them to shut up and pull their head of their a-- already! Hee hee hee...
Nikki i know what you mean i too just veg when shes asleep or in bed. I do go for a walk in the morning or i would be brain dead!
I use to pride myself with being quite sharp, being able to solve problems and come up with great new ideas. I find myself now so mentally and physically drained. I use to love doing research on politics, it was a hobby, but my brain's file drawers are filled to the brim with worry about my aging parents. I don't even want to call up my friends or go out of the house once I am back home. Oh well, I still can have a conversation with one of my cats who has a huge vocabulary, so not all is lost :)
another friend used to call every week but shes go a man now and dosnt bother calling which i miss.
Yes its going to be scary and interesting meeting new people and having stuff to talk about just hope i dont bump into another CARER!!! LOL