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The minute my dad died, my healthy mother grabbed his walker and began mentally adopting all his ailments and personality quirks, which weren't all that nice. Now after two years of complaining that she wanted to go to assisted living, I finally agreed. I gave in just to satisfy her and make her happy. The very week after getting her settled, she cried and demanded, "Why did you do this to me?" Now she complains constantly about the place and everything else about her life, for that matter. And she wants ONLY me to fix it. My brother and sister in-law do help and want to do more but she doesn't want them...she only wants ME.

I'm just posting to advise that assisted living helps in that it gives you more time but it's not a cure-all, at least not for me. It simply gives her more things to criticize. She was a great mother and so I feel I have to be great to her in return, with thankfulness. The guilt is unbearable if I don't address every demand she makes. What a hard time this is. I understand you all and am grateful for this board.
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When it comes to losing brain cells, I wished I still had my Mom's memory.... at 97 she can still remember all of her past doctor appointment dates and times... and all of Dad's appointments..... and Mom can remember the last 4 digits on a grocery store product bar code.

Those bar codes can make it tough for me to shop because Mom doesn't understand that manufacturers when they make even the slightest change to said product, such as the packaging, they will throw on a brand new bar code.... yes, Mom, it is the same product, but later she will claim the product taste funny..... [sigh]
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busiwork, I feel guilty that I don't spend more time with my mother. I can't make myself sit with her for more than a few minutes at a time. The TV is too loud. It's always the game show network or Walton reruns. Maybe Little House on the Prairie. I feel like her living room is a fantasy family room, with the fantasy family on TV. It makes her feel better, but it bores me beyond anything I can handle. Another problem is when we talk, she'll always take the opposite side of my conversation, no matter what it is. She lives to contradict me. That gets tiring, because there is no way to talk to her. So I go to my room to work. I wouldn't be able to work around her.
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I know exactly where your coming from. The endless numbing programmes, conversation about nothing and just trying to fill the time between the caring duties and chief bottle washer and cook are endless. I had a career and intelligent witty work colleges. I now spend my time with a mentally ill person who suffers with vascular dementia and reeks agressive havoc daily....it is like grieving for my old life :(
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I still remember my three words from a while back -- red dog football. When I got the words I pictured a red bull butting a dog onto a football field. Linking helps the memory so much.

I'm glad they don't give words like "this too of." How could you visualize that? :/
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They did get round to giving you both the set of words did they?! Not somebody's idea of a funny ha-ha to tell you to remember them and then forget to tell you what they were???
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Ugh... had a routine physical with my primary doctor, part of the physical was a memory test.... at the beginning of the test the tester said three words and wanted me to remember those words as I will be asked at the end of the memory testing.... I did great with the other memory tasks but for the life of me I could not remember those three words. Neither could my sig other when he went through the same test :P

Brain cells lost !!
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Yes I am very sunlight oriented and I have to be able to see out the windows, and day or night, nearly never close shades/curtains. My ex n I used to battle that. He insisted on shades closed at night so no one could see in, good grief, the house was in the middle of the woods with a quarter mile drive, from a major main highway there is next to none on foot traffic and would hear or see a car coming, unless someone with ill intent and then open or closed don't think makes a diff!! Anyway!
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jujubean, I heard those *sun* lights really work. If I was living at my parents house I would need one.... Mom keeps all the shades closed as she doesn't want the sun to fade the rug or furniture.... one would need a miner's hat with light to find your way around their home :P

I am a sun person, have to have my day light, thus every window curtain is wide open, plus I had south facing sky lights [a blessing to have in the winter]... so the cats and I sit in the sun light :)
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Thanks for the info on the lights all....I saw one at Costco the other day made me start thinking of it...I believe it was 49$ it was about or slightly larger than an IPAD. anyway Losing braincells was all up in here yesterday!
I cannot find moms pills....was filling up her trays for the month and misplaced them spent most of day obsessing/searching.... everywhere closets appliances wherever, they are no where to be found! hoping they pop up today! At least I am not obsessing anymore...except for the fact of "am I losing it now too, should I make a neurologist appt myself" lol!!! Take care all, take it easy!
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eguillot - Thank you. I wish you well.
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1butterfly - so sorry for your troubles. Hopefully things will work out with your aunt, although it sounds like she's a real nut case. Hang in there.
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eguillot - I wish you a speedy hearing. My case was filed with an attorney in GA & she said she will come to TN when the time comes (that's where I am now). But who knows where I will be then. The aunt has turned on me once again since last night & this morning. Said she wants me out of here. Their children are no help. The uncle wants me to stay. I repeat...I am going crazy!
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jujubean - I used to use them all the time when I lived in the nw, and will be using them again as I'm moving back there - they're call full spectrum lights, and they work wonders. They're expensive, but well worth it.
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I was thinking of getting one of those new lights, I forget what they are called, that help with feeling drab and seasonal disorder and etc....happy lights I call them. especially with the time change coming and the short short days of the long winter here!
Has anyone tried one??
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Is anyone looking through those catalogs that help make's ones life easier... the catalogs you use to order items for your parents, but now you are ordering for yourself? I just ordered those *lamp switch tuners* [triangular knobs].

Hey, might as well get those now so I don't lose many more brain cells getting upset or skin from my fingers from trying to use the turn switches that came with the lamps :P Glad my newer lamps have the old fashioned pull chains :)
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Absolutely caregiving has made me braindead! in so many ways!
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1butterfly - I'm in the same situation as you, and getting ready to move to another state, but will not transfer my case. When my hearing is ready, I will fly down and meet my attorney. He will pick me up at the airport and take me to the hearing, which is only 4 blocks away. I can go and come on the same day. Now that my husband has retired, I can't afford to wait.
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Vegaslady...I retained a disability attorney a couple of years ago. Things got delayed & messed up for a while when I moved to another state. Back on track now & just waiting. Thank you for your input. I am new to this site.
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Pam, I also have that doorbell ring thing, too, but it happens to me when I am asleep... first time I heard it I awoke in a panic, went to the upstairs' front windows to see if the security light was one and if there was a car in the driveway..... no one was there.... after doing that many time over throughout the year, now I just look at the cats.... if the cats aren't in a major panic then I know it was the doorbell in my head :P
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1butterfly...for your hearing, if you haven't already done this, get some friends or relatives to write statements about how you were before you got this disability and how it affects you now, in as much detail ad possible. You do the same, describe a typical 24 hour day and exactly how your disability impacts what you can do like you used to. Consider getting an attorney to help you. They get paid a percentage of your back benefits id you win your appeal.
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My hearing is fading, but I consider that a blessing. If I think I heard the door bell, I look at the dog. If she is still snoozing, there is nobody there.
Eyes? I have had glasses since age 14 so that doesn't bother me, but I find I need MORE LIGHT to see things correctly. Can't thread a needle too well anymore. Hubby is worse, because now he needs glasses and is too proud to wear them. At least he can't see the hairs on my chin. LOL
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I caretake my elderly aunt & uncle...both 85. He has AD & she...I am not sure. They are mean & hateful. Their children don't seem to understand my need to get out of here on weekends. My health is suffering & I am going crazy. I would quit but I have nowhere else to live right now and they all know it. I have no other means of income either...I have a permanent disability but waiting on a hearing. I do not know what to do anymore.
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I've worn glasses or contacts for 56 years and they are never farther than I can reach. I think I took them off while on the phone, in bed, and they have disappeared. Maybe we do have the ghost my husband thinks we may have. Oh well, I needed to replace them anyhow. New glasses, then maybe I'll do another mass search for the keys.
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Vegaslady, when I am at work I take off my eyeglasses as they are for distance only [can't wear bifocals], and I put on my computer eyeglasses and wear those the whole time I am at work since most of work is computer research.... my boss is in the next office and with those glasses on he's just a blur :P

But there has been times lately I left the office wearing my computer glasses and thinking *boy my eyes must be really tired because I can't see clearly*... oops.
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I can call you on missing car keys and raise you on missing glasses. Misplaced the car keys several weeks ago and yesterday the eyeglasses. Guess I don't need the car keys yet...can't drive without the glasses! So, that means problem solved, right?
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Speaking of car keys.... when I left work and was going out to the parking lot, I usually keep my car keys in my pant's pocket, but the keys weren't there.... ok, maybe I put them in my purse.... nope... probably left them in the car which would have been weird if I did... zilch, not there. Came back into my office, and checked the desk drawer where I keep my purse. OMG where are my keys!!!! Ok, don't panic, I have a spare ignition key in my purse... calm down...

Then it dawned on me, I wore a rain coat to work this morning and it was in the office closet, and sure enough the keys where there. Yikes, that was an uneasy feeling as I am OCD about my keys :P
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Hannel9.... I am so happy u are doing things u enjoy. Thank GOD for that sunshine.I would love to see your pics.. A little comfort and relaxation. I would love to go make oatmeal cranberry walnut cookies but my mother would talk about my weight. I'm VERY sensitive about it. She complain about EVERYTHING. She says I stole her lotion I ignored her. Now she mad at my brothers becuz they never call or come by. She claim my brother Gregory owes her 3000. I was there when she gave him the money for helping her fill out papers to sell some land . all her sisters and brothers get a check every year for property like 4,000. They have been getting it 4 years. I was my grandparents. Now she sold her inheritance. For 30,000 that money paid her taxes and was extra money.Now its gone she spends like crazy on jewelry clothes and gambling. There s nothing I can do. She never offers me a dime. I Dont care. But when her cash runs out she will need a loan on her home. I'm trying 2 help her reduce debt. But she Dont listen she always was a know it all mean Scorpio. I get along with others just not her acid tongue. Anyway I'm doing me. I hope to still move. Blessings to u pen pals are great.
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Baxterrj,
Thank you for your message, :)
Mom is doing great, I'm slipping off my chocolate
Chip Cookie, as long as I don't land on the
Chocolate chip I will be able to brush it off...
Lol. Little humor here, :)
The only entertainment I have is doing photo
Shoots for my niece who is in college for
Photography, for the last two years my pictures
Have been shown at the area college.
Women that are Bound Series, bound to the home, as I am pretty much here if I'm not working. My mother is in some of the pictures
With me,
If you would like to have a pen pal :)
Thank you and God Bless.
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Is thre anyone who can take an hour or two and maybe talk, scrapbook, lunch? If you drive and wanted to bri g your mom, we could sit on the patio. I will put out cookies and tea or something? Maybe the moms might talk at each other. New face for them? Mine just talks if someone is there or not. I live in north columbus.
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