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Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I know it was hard but I'm glad you made it and were able to support your cousin. Good of you to give her a beautiful book. (((hugs))) Your family is so fortunate to have you and your love and support.
Only you all "get" how awful today was for me.
I made it but it was miserable all the way through.
Seated with the family.I was on the first isle,front and center.Throughout the service I saw my Mother's casket there and her laying in it but really there were tables with my Aunt's pictures and flowers around them.
In the Family room and after the service,it was like a big party,with laughter and Frank Sinatra playing.
Nothing like my Mom's...
My cousin was holding up well with her 2 grown children beside her.I had a picture and a book I'd wrapped up and I gave it to my cousin and left.
I'm SO glad it's over.
Again,Thank you for caring all~
How did it go? I hope you are okay. Thinking of you.
You are amazing, don't know how you do it all.
Big hugs. I know it will be tough day. I use to go other people's funeral at the same place we had my dad's service. I never imagined that one day I would have my dad's service there. I'm with you. I haven't had to go back yet, but I too would dread it. Thinking of you. I know you will do the best you can.
Dad's ashes were transported in a ziploc bag and packed in a small cooler with a locking lid in the back of my van when we took them "home". I guess the cops would have gotten a shock if they opened it, expecting to find food.
Thank you, Luckylu, for starting this thread! I really think it is helping others get in touch with their feelings of loss, especially the humor!
Mind you, I'd have laughed myself sick if that had been me. Macabre humour gets to me like nothing else.
Luckylu I am afraid you will get experienced in this catheter business
far quicker than you want. At least it is easier than changing wet diapers and paying for them.
Keep on apologizing for having an opinion and the rest of everyone will have to do that too. Sorry, that's my opinion and I am not ashamed.
I'm sorry if I sounded disrespectful. I know that probably a lot of people take comfort in keeping their loved one's ashes and that they become symbolic of their loved ones so therefore they talk to them. It's just not something I would do personally.
The dumb nurse was actually not so dumb as she appeared. the Funeral Directors like the teeth to be put in as soon as possible before the body stiffens.
My mother was cremated and the crematorium spread the ashes on the flower beds outside the building. The ashes were not offered and I personally had no desire to keep them. My FIL was cremated and the funeral home kept the ashes and they were buried with MIL.
Like everything else when a loved one dies the grieving process is different for everyone and that includes the disposal of the ashes. Some people spread them in a favorite place or waterway, others do keep them on the mantlepiece and take comfort in talking to them every day. Others never pick them up from the funeral home and by law the funeral has to keep them for eternity. On director told me when he took over his business there were lots of long forgotten urns in the basement and the law does not allow them to be disposed of.
So, I phoned my brother. He picked me up and we went to the hospital. None of the other siblings wanted to go. We walk in and bro says"I'm warning you, this won't be pretty" Well, I'd just been to see her four hrs. previous and I was sure she wouldn't have metamorphized in four hours.
Well, we walk into her room and the dumb nurses there had put her dentures into her mouth. There is no other way to describe it but that she looked like Mr. Ed the horse. Ghastly............!! I don't know whose idea that was but my brother's first reaction was to start laughing hysterically. Then I joined in. I couldn't help it. Then my sister calls me on my cell phone crying her heart out and I'm trying to stop laughing. Oh my God............what a mess. We've always been the type of family that laughs at inappropriate moments so my Mom would have appreciated it I'm sure.
They told us we had half an hour to be with her cause they needed the room. Nice eh? Then we went to the front desk to ask about them transporting her to the funeral home. We wanted to make sure we were all on the same page cause when my brother died that all turned into a shitstorm. So, we are standing there talking to the clueless nurse at the desk and another nurse comes running over and says "What's wrong? Is she not breathing?" Picture me rolling my eyes..........
Don't get me wrong, I totally support nurses but in this case it was dumb and dumber.
But, I have always felt like it was good that my bro started to laugh cause otherwise I would probably have become hysterical and made a scene.
I try not to even think about them transporting my Mom to the morgue and all that other horrible stuff. As CM said, Mom wasn't in there anymore. Not to be morbid but when you look into the eyes of someone who has died you can tell that what made them who they were is not there anymore.
I don't particularly care what the church thinks - Mom wanted her ashes disposed of in a certain way, and she told us all through our lives that if we didn't do it, she'd come back and haunt every single one of us. LOL Trust me, I think she'd definitely try. Mom had a lifelong love affair with a lake where she grew up, and that's where her ashes are going. We placed Dad's ashes there when he passed, and Mom's will be released in the same place - that's all there is to it.
As far as the hospital ER goes, there was some issue with the coroner not getting Mom's body picked up right away, they were busy or something, so she remained in the hospital morgue for some days before they got to her - her autopsy was not performed for almost a week. That was something else I objected to, but had to finally accept, because of the circumstances of her death. But it just broke my heart to think of her body undergoing that sort of violation after she'd been through so much. But because she was in a nursing home and her death was very sudden, plus she suffered a fall with severe facial/head injuries at the time of her death, there had to be an autopsy to confirm cause of death to ensure there was no wrongdoing on the part of the NH. (There wasn't - cause of death was heart disease and kidney failure, which we already knew.) I still haven't ordered a copy of the autopsy report...just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. I know I need to, and will try to get it done soon, because siblings are wanting it too - but my stomach just knots up every time I think of it. I'm also ordering a copy of the report from the EMTs that revived her so we have a full picture of what happened, though I pretty much know the answer - it was a repeat of what happened here at home when she took that bad fall - her heart just stopped and this time, there was no bringing it back. Just going to be hard to read it in black and white, clinical terms.