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If you are getting help with her like Medicaid call them and let them know about that it transfer her to another facility About everything. But if I were you if they don’t let you in I would call a lawyer. Was this in the contract?
Talk to the facility. They may be able to arrange FaceTiming or something similar with the moving company to help with setting up her room. And they will also be able to help set that up with your mom, if she is able and understands, so you can communicate and “see” her. The AL my mother is in has just started to offer those quickie Covid tests for potential visitors. Anyone coming in and out is required to take them. And residents and staff have been vaccinated. So there is some light at the end of the tunnel.
Hang in there and I’m sorry you are having to go through this. I will share that I recently had a mini meltdown about the lack of communication from staff regarding my mother’s current condition because I’m trying to plan for the next level of care so I get it! We have to work so hard, both physically and emotionally, to make decisions and find a place to care for our parents and we are also at the end of our ropes!
Then we had to move him + because of COVID basically the same restrictions on moving. We did get to drive Dad to new place (?) but then haven't been able to really see him since the Lockdown. The only good thing is I feel good about the care he is getting that I couldn't give. Prayers for you and your Mom.
I know how hard it is to go though the painful experiences regarding our loved ones. I know my experience will not make you feel better, but hope that you will know you are not alone.
I too had my mother placed in an Assisted Living Memory Care Facility. This was four years ago before Covid. I was able to bring her into the facility but it was suggested not to stay long. Even though I was able to accompany her into the facility, that didn’t take away the pain I felt walking away from the facility, nor the hurt I felt every day. What I’m trying to say is whether you can enter the facility or not, the pain you feel would still be there. It hurt so much but I knew she was in a safe place, which I could no longer provide. I tried very hard to remind myself that and tried very hard to gain trust in the facility to take care of her. This will be a very difficult and trying time, no doubt about it.
Some facilities are allowing visits (outside/inside), so I hope you do get one soon. This is all new for both you and your mom. My heart goes out to you. I do know what you are going through.
I lost my mom last May, but every time I look back to question what I did, I know I did the right thing for her.
Please take care..
As to your frustration and anger - that is normal. Just realize that The only thing you can do is do your best UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES and know that the best is rarely perfect or ideal
What each person goes through is an individual unique experience. And each person deserves empathy. Shame to those who rank their problems higher and behave condescendingly to those they deem "not worthy".
Remember, everyone, empathy is what all of us should show to each other.
However, my post wasn't about me, it was about my mother, and that's what I believe is a big part of OP's problem. I understand she's frustrated and angry, but she needs to think about what's best for her mother. If staying home with her is best, then OK, but her comment that "if she outlives me, then someone else has to deal with it" tells me it probably isn't.
I understand OP's frustrations, but I'd advise her that martyrdom helps no one, especially the one who is the self-proclaimed martyr. My sympathy wanes when the pity party gets out of control, especially in a forum where people who have suffered far more respond to others with grace.
We went from seeing her 3-5 times every week to 7 visits last summer.
From what I read and observe, most good facilities are attempting to meet safety needs on an individual facility basis. I am almost literally heartbroken with missing her, yet having had Covid myself, I also understand how intensely difficult this is for EVERYONE living in this situation.
Having lived this from both sides myself, I think it might be as helpful as anything right now can be, for you to acquaint yourself as much as possible with infection rate in your area, whether the AL personnel and residents have all been vaccinated, how they handle new infections. Maybe you already know.
This rotten situation really is unique, except for the central obvious truth that suffering is most i tense among the most vulnerable.
I personally wouldn’t be put off by the requirements the AL has imposed upon your mom. I’m sure it’s the same for all the new entries. And fact is, however bleak it sounds, the “front curb” entry is often the most manageable for any new resident.
Hugs to you and your mom, however you lovingly decide to work this out. Trust me, you are not alone.
I'd write more, but my mom is still my priority. You see, she's currently recovering from Covid and a blood infection, she hasn't eaten since mid-December, and she's dying. I've been with her twice --briefly -- since March 9 last year, and yes, I remember the date because it's seared into my brain. There's a good chance she'll die without me there.
Again, I'm sorry to have made a suggestion you considered flippant. Obviously, I wasn't aware YOU were suffering. /s
Sending a big hug
You have a choice of dropping your mother off at the AL you've chosen, taking her home with you, or finding another AL that allows you to go inside with her.
Nobody deserves you telling them 'shame on you' when nobody said 'shame on you' to YOU, in spite of you saying you 'just want to go to bed some days & not wake up'.
Most of us have loved ones who have been affected by COVID, and so have WE, so we've welcomed the vaccines which will help re-open these ALs and allow us to see our loved ones again. "Cash cow" comments have no place here. We read many posts on this forum from people who have lost their parents in nursing homes where COVID positive patients were sent to recuperate directly from the hospital. They are heartbreaking posts to read, as you may imagine.
Hope you arrive at a decision that you can live with, and that doesn't make you hate yourself or others in the process. And if you find an AL/MC for your mom that does allow visitors inside, I hope they can keep her safe from the virus. That is the trade off you'll agree to if that's the choice you make.
Is there an alternative for a few weeks or longer you could live with instead?
I know for sure I can’t deal with not seeing my mother..even though I know she’s a handful...I’ll have her do short term therapy & then take her back home 🏡...
Good luck & hugs 🤗