I’m so upset! I finally decided to move mom into assisted living and now this!

The question about POA and assisted living taking over making appointments-need for more information....
I am POA of the person that is 93 with dementia, a diabetic, not able to dress or bathe themselves, wheelchair bound and has osteoporosis. I have made appointments and took to appointments almost 2 years prior to COVID while this person has been at this facility. I have always called/told them about all appointments so they knew about appointments...even when this person was to fast if necessary and through COVID. A few appointments I had made had been within 2 days prior to appt as need was urgent and they said nothing about transporting this person to dr office during COVID. I’d been telling various workers for several weeks about 2 upcoming appts when I took items to facility and these folks told me to just remind them a few prior days prior to the appointments. I was there for a first time visit since last fall due to COVID and told the worker that meet me at the door for this visit about these appts, they even sat “right there with us” during this entire visit. They wrote it down on a piece of paper and said thank you. Since I wasn’t quite sure I had the exact time, I verified the time and advise them with an email later that same day. The first appointment was in 4 days and the other was in almost 3 week. I spoke with this same person that wrote this down everyday prior to the day of the first appt. and nothing was said about a problem or conflict nor did they check while I was there. They have multiple people to do transports. I worked til 2 pm the day before first appt. I kept my grandson due to health issues with my son in law regarding appointments about possible amputation. I work and had arranged my schedule for all these appts. My daughter and her husband returned after 8 pm as dr was over 2 hrs away. I live almost hr from daughter. I spent the night and left early for work from their house. When I got to work I happened to check emails and saw one from facility advising me in less than 24 hrs my appt had been cancelled and rescheduled by the facility which was only 1 hour half “prior” to “my” appt and me leaving to be at that appointment. I wasn’t called —nothing. They’ve had my contact info for over 2 1/2 yrs and there’s been no changes to it. The other was canceled but they said was yet to be rescheduled. This appt is a 3 month checkup about their blood sugar, condition from Covid and pneumonia. I work full time and have various appts to work with for my job. The 1st appt they have rescheduled doesn’t work in my schedule but I reworked the best I could the rest of day I was notified plus the new day of their appt. which created real issues for my work. I emailed them and told them I was POA and had not given them approval to changed anything nor was I asked if I would reschedule within my schedule/work time. They said the transportation person was to schedule all residents appts and family nor POA were no longer allowed to do so. They refuse to even consider me and my work....plus yesterday I was informed they had a telehealth visit with the same doctor that is the second appt I’d booked and not told about why or had it even taken place...the dr office sent me the info thru their health portal email. They’ve never called me at anytime when this person I’m the POA for when there was emergency health issues and had to be transported by ambulance to the hospital, the doctor called me and told me this person was being taken by ambulance to hospital and dr asked if I had been notified by the facility...I had not nor have I been advised anything was wrong..the doctors office has always notified me by actual calls not emails and they’ve been in the middle of the night. The facility even didn’t give this resident meds as prescribed by the doctor when my person ended up with Covid and pneumonia a few months ago..the dr called and told me about that as well.. I’ve questioned the facility and been “brushed” off.

Nicky1964, you CAN NOT IMAGINE how much I KNOW EXACTLY what you're talking about. We moved my mom from Texas to Florida to be with us two years ago. One year ago, we found a GREAT PLACE (expensive as hell! Over $5,200 per month!) for mom and she settled in there really well in her one-bedroom assisted living apt. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a little less than two years ago and of course when COVID hit, they closed all the facilities to outside visits LAST MARCH, so it's been a year now that we have not been able to hug or kiss her. We do Skype calls twice a week but she doesn't remember. A couple of months ago, they finally started 25 minute, two person limit in-person visits but we have to be gowned up and of course wear a mask. I'm OK with all of that but we still CANNOT HUG OR KISS at all. We have to stay at one end of the table and she is at the other and she DOES NOT UNDERSTAND why we can't be close even though we talk about the virus all the time.

So I KNOW what you mean and I do understand completely, even the last part. My family (four of us, mom, dad, sis, and myself) have always been close. My dad passed away at age 56 and my sis and her family live in Tennessee. She has her own health issues to deal with due to formaldehyde poisoning she got from hard-wood flooring that had been made in China and shipped to the US (she didn't know that at the time!) So, my wife and I have no help or support from family at all.

Not sure this will do you any good and the old adage "misery loves company" sucks. But I did want you to know that you're not alone. There are a LOT of us out here going through the exact same thing, so just know that you are not alone.

I hope things proceed well with your mom. Honestly, I think it's just as difficult on the family as it is on the loved one. :(

BH
Florida

I had the same experience last Dec.2020 with my grandma. It was bad enough not being able to decorate her room to make it feel more like home; but leaving her at the front door due to Covid was horrible. My 26yr old daughter and I cried for days! Finally on Mar.2021 wecan visit for 30 min outside.

I STILL FEEL AS I DID EARLIER, your mother should not have to go in a strange place by herself. Those places need to get their act together. I don't care if someone interviewed them or not, they need to be more responsible. If the staff is coming in and out, they are more apt to bring in COVID than anyone else. I believe if you show that you have been tested for COVID and its negative and you wear protective gear, then for a few hours with little or no contact with others moving her in should be sufficient. They should settle this matter and let you in for a few hours. Any way you need to know who the staff is that will be taking care of her. If something happens then you will be able to put a face with the team that's taking care of her. Most Centers around here is allowing that onetime visit with their loved one. My brother just died in one of those facilities and I had visited with him on Sunday dropping some items off. On Wednesday the next week he died somehow and I don't even know how or what happened, the nurse has not been in since that time. I belive she quit. So our loved ones safety is not gaurenteed.
I'm sad because that place had COVID Twice in the past 4 months and an employee brought it in each time. I don't know if my brother had it our not they won't say although he was feeling well on Sunday. That's the irony of all this no help when you need it most.

FWIW - the CDC guidelines are just that, guidelines, a suggested starting point perhaps for a plan. What works in one location isn't going to work in all locations.

The driving force behind the facility my mother was in was the STATE. Most likely this would be the same in other states, but I haven't followed the details elsewhere. The STATE set the levels allowed. When virus cases were increasing, they would lower the level, and thus the accessibility. The facilities followed the state mandates. If they didn't, and the virus got in and spread, WHO is going to pay? The facility.

That said, the status for our state (a smaller one) since the onset:
< 75000 positive cases
< 1200 deaths

Although the town the facility was in was next to my town, they are 2 different counties. That county included the 3 largest cities in the state, so when their numbers were up, the level for the whole county went down. The cities were much further east, and the facility town and surrounding towns had very few cases, BUT, the state mandated the rules by county. With something this big and widespread, the state officials can't sit there nit-picking every corner of every town. The facility town, like my town, never had more than maybe a 15-20 cases at one time, but again, it only takes one!

The town the facility is in shows about 250 cases total so far, since the onset. The surrounding towns had MUCH fewer cases total, like 20-50, except my town, which had almost as many cases. This is likely due to the local hospital being located there as well, although that doesn't explain my town!

Problem is, what towns do all the visitors come from? Who have they been exposed to? Since the virus is highly contagious, once it gets in a place like that, it will spread like wildfire. All it takes is one person...

For those of you who can use some form of communication, use it often. Before and during the early stages of dementia, my mother lived alone. We talked often on the phone, visits were more sporadic due to work and distance. If she still had a phone, I could have maintained contact that way. Others, use what you can. Phone. Video. Alexa. Various other tools listed. Window visits. ANYTHING is better than nothing. As noted elsewhere, my mother didn't have a phone, couldn't hear on it or remember how to use it. I don't have any video or FB, but even if I did, she doesn't - staff could likely arrange something, but mom would just be confused. Her window was NOT accessible from outside (faced garden area, no access to that.) So, other than my one visit outside in Aug and one inside in Sept, I was NOT able to see my mother since mid-March 2020. Talking with her needed to be close up, with a method of writing things down due to the hearing, and seeing my mouth (lip-read.) Being farther away took that away, and wearing a mask, while she's losing her eyesight also didn't help. She didn't seem to know who I was, yet shown a picture taken recently outside, yup.

Take what you can and run with it. Remember that we're ALL in this together and we ALL have to work together to make it through.

Also remember decline is part of dementia. If your LO has dementia, you WILL see decline, whether at your home or in the facility. It's probably harder on those in IL/AL who don't have dementia.

We checked with multiple facilities before we moved my Mom. Some were in and out of lockdowns, but the one we went with has been much more open. We can't go into the common areas at all but we can go in and out of her apartment, which is necessary because I still do her medications and bathing. If it's Assisted Living they usually do have stricter rules due to staff interaction with her. My Mom's facility now has given all residents the COVID shots if they wanted them. My Mom can not take the shot but most of the other residents did get the shot. I would definitely ask the facility when the COVID shots will be given so restrictions can be lifted.

There is a bit of a difference when dealing with the virus and AL vs MC.

The facility my mother was in was IL/AL/MC. The IL and AL were locked down, as in they did not mingle and were required to stay in their own spaces (like apartments) except for absolute necessities, like needed medical appointments.

MC, on the other hand, was locked down even more. The residents can't be kept in their rooms. They are allowed to have the "run" of the MC unit. Some precautions were taken, such as staggering meals and keeping them further apart when eating. NO ONE was allowed into the MC unit except staff. They managed to keep the virus out until ONE staff member tested positive a few months ago. Even then, it did NOT spread.

So, when my mother had a second stroke, and her time was imminent, they moved her to a vacant AL apartment so that we could be with her. We would NOT have been allowed into the MC unit.

This is the primary reason you are likely seeing a difference between 2 facilities. It isn't to hurt you or your mother, it is to protect her AND all the other residents. In general, they won't be able to keep MC residents cooped up in their rooms.

Because of the virus, we were not allowed visits for MANY months. My mother did not have a phone (bad hearing and inability to really use it) and did not have window access for a window "visit." Between mid-March 2020 and mid-August, I was not allowed to visit my mother. I did get one outdoor visit, but between heat (it was under an awning, so not too bad), masks and 6' distancing, with her bad hearing and limited eyesight, plus dementia, it isn't even clear she knew who I was. She DID still know me, as one staff member took a pic weeks later when I was dropping off supplies. She asked why I didn't come in, She thought I didn't want to see her. Talk about heart-wrenching! I managed one more indoor visit (pre-arranged in an area right inside the main entrance) after her first stroke (so mid-Sept), but again, between the masks, distancing, hearing, eyesight and dementia, with a stroke on top of that, it isn't clear she knew who we were. I kick myself now that I didn't break the rules and take the mask off. The next time was too late. She was on her way out.

I put mom in AL the day before the quarantine started. She was accusing me of stealing her things and money. It was the hardest thing I've had to do. The day after she was moved in they shut everything down. She thought we put her in a nut house and just left her there. It was so heartbreaking. She called on her phone all hours yelling and screaming at me. After about 6 months she calmed down a bit and we were able to do window visits but then she kept saying she's better now and asked to come home. It was so painful to have to tell her no she can't come back. As time went on she continued to accuse people there of stealing all her things when in reality she packed them away and forgot she did that. She started accidentally dialing 911 on her cell phone, then one day that came up missing so we had NO contact with her for a few weeks. We got her an Alexa Echo and all of us got the app for our phone and we called her on that but that came up missing too. We bought her another one and I had the AL staff super glue it to her table next to her bed. This has been working very well. All she has to do is say "Alexa call so and so" She doesn't need to remember how to dial the phone or remember numbers. It will also play her favorite Eddy Arnold music which calms her down a lot. After about 9 months we were able to take her out for a day or two. This didn't make sense to me why she could come out but we couldn't come in but I wasn't going to argue. LOL I get out out every Saturday but the isolation took it's toll on her for sure. I feel blessed that I get to see her when others still cannot see their loved ones. We all just have to hang in and keep the faith. Reading other people's journeys help me a lot. Praying for us all.

Just a quick clarification to my earlier post mentioning video visits (facetime/duo/zoom/etc). My mom has dementia in addition to have never followed technology, so the video visits aren't by her own use on her end. An Activities Dept staff member books appts, and at the time of the appt they have set up the facility's tablet or laptop, and they facilitate the connection. They remain or leave per the patient's capabilities and comfort levels. In addition to being able to spend some video time with loved one, it's a great way for family and friends to get know some of the staff (CNAs sometimes enter during routine checks and say Hi and such) while not able to spend time inside getting know staff. Apologies for not being clear and it instead seeming like using Zoom/ Duo/Facetime etc was something the resident patient would need to do for themselves on their end to connect. Best to you and your mom and All.

Nicky: I understand how difficult that this must be for you. The Novel Coronavirus has made it EXTREMELY hard on everyone. Prayers sent.

Kathysjazz, thank you for stating the CDC guidelines about two family members. My mothers AL allow my sister and I in with a Drs note. I didn't know if it could be used for everyone or not. I hope your info on the actual guidelines help ppl out with this. Also, was wondering if anyone knows once they've been given the second vaccination, will they be allowing ppl in. I haven't asked anyone at my mom's place but they get their second dose Monday. Hopefully, that will also being relief to ppl too.

It was interesting to see the CDC guideline addendum shared here. My father just entered AL this past November. Due to the facilities desire to protect and yet also meet their residents mental health needs, I was able to visit him for a week (after having a negative COVID test), then I had to do window visits. He also suffers from dementia, and did not really want to go. We gave him options of two different places, so he picked the one he liked best. We had to move him as he is around 200 pounds, and was falling often - he needed at least two people to do a lift asisst to get him up.

He actually liked the place when he first arrived after having left rehab from a fall in October. But he also had me to help him adjust. Unfortunately, the residence had a COVID positive resident in early January, and that spread to 7 other people, including my dad. He ended up back in the hospital with COVID and was literally delerious for his first two days there. He managed to recover, but now needs a Hoyer lift to move him from his bed to his chair or wheelchair because he is too weak to walk.

The reduced mobility due to the virus along with his dementia and the lack of stimulation are making it very hard for him. I have no complaints about the caregivers and the residence, they are doing as much as they can to help him - they bath dress and diaper him daily (he can feed himself), as well as try to get him up and about and involved in activities there.

He is very grumpy at times, and is driven by his emotions as are many dementia patients, however he doesn't strike out at carers (yet). He definitely will tell them what he thinks if he doesn't like something, though! I've been worrried about him since the COVID because he seems to be depressed. If you are happy having your mom with you, and you can afford to care for her a while longer, I would say do so.

I make no judgment of those who use assisted living, my dad is grumpy and ornery whether he's with me, or living there. I'm bummed that he got COVID, though. Still, he could have caught it from us if he was living at our home again as he did during 2019 and part of 2020, and the residence was dong a great job of protecting - it ended up being a resident who'd gone out to the doctor for an assessment who brought it back. In some ways, having his basic needs cared for there, allows me to be more like family to him. I like that - and I think he likes having non family members caring for his personal needs rather than family.

These are very difficult pandemic times, for all of us. Everything is different, and all of us feel that our lives are on hold. It is a public health emergency, and we have never had to deal with such an emergency in my lifetime (74 years). Congregate care settings for seniors are especially vulnerable and they have to take extra precautions. Talk to your mother's case manager or even the President of the facility about visiting rules. Try to arrange a visit as soon as you can. At my mother's place I have to be tested for COVID-19 before I visit. It's going to be difficult for both of you, but you want your mother to be safe.

I totally get it. I've read all the posts below and I still get frustrated. My mother is in an independently living facility and has gone down hill fast this past year (increased depression and dementia), a big part of which is due to isolation and boredom. I get all the safety protocols and am glad my mother is somewhere she is protected, but also think that the state health departments that set the guidelines for nursing homes, assisted living, etc. are not giving sufficient focus to mental health, and that residence management should get more creative about finding ways to achieve both safety and emotional well being (PS I'm done hearing that Zoom is the answer for a population that is hardly computer literate). I can think of several ways you would have been able to be with your mother on the first day or two without putting anyone else at risk, but these ideas take more effort, and I'm finding that in my mother's building and others they are just not going that extra mile. I am maxed out, not sleeping well, and don't know that I will every "let go" and rest easy with this situation.

On a more positive, helpful note, look into buying a ViewClix frame. Someone mentioned the Grandpad, but even that would be too difficult for my mom because of her dementia. The ViewClix is AMAZING! It sits by my mom's bed and I just pop in a few times a day and show up on the frame like I would if we were on facetime. She doesn't have to lift a finger. And I'm able to post photos and and funny things that scroll in slid I'm not on. We feel so much more connected this way and I hardly use the regular phone anymore. Wish you and your mom all the best!

I totally get this feeling of wanting to go to bed and not wake up.
Throughout all the ups and downs of my late Mother’s long illness, I would feel like that too.

Sometimes I thought about driving the car over a cliff (no serious intentions) but I was so wrapped up with anxiety and stress, constantly waiting for the phone to ring with bad news from the carers, that I couldn’t think of any way to make the situation and my life better.
I was constantly overthinking.

All that plus Covid problems - unimaginable pain. We love our loved ones and want the best for them. That’s hard enough for us without these added complications.

I feel for you immensely xx

So sorry, Nicky1964. It's hard enough to make this transition in non-pandemic times, and now this. Your experience reminds me of a time a month ago or so when dropping off some treats for my mom at the nursing home where she has lived for four years. They're a wonderful group of staffers, and they've done an amazing job in this environment of covid. Another woman was waiting outside, and she seemed confused. I asked if she needed some help, and we chatted. Her mom had just gone in a few days before, directly from the hospital. And, like you, she was understandably forlorn and confused and worried about not having gone in with her mom. Of course, there are situations for significant psychological issues that the no visitors crossing the front door line can be waived. But most of us family members have understood that the assisted living and nursing homes are so vulnerable to just one person bringing in or having covid-19, and it spreading like wildfire. In fact, there have been short shut down times most winters when the flu has made that kind of impact. And with covid-19 complications and death rates so much higher with the elderly, it's such a high risk for your mom and everyone. Many nursing / assisted living homes tragedies got hit with rampant covid-19 among the residents and staff, making local news, and some national news some time ago before those came under control. Those homes got slammed, so they're very much between a rock and a hard place. People want to go in and make sure their loved ones are settled and in a good safe place, but to do so they risk everyone getting sick.
The gal I ran into and spoke with seemed to feel so much better after having chatted with somebody whose mom had been there for a few years. I gave her some names of people on the inside to ask for. Like her, you likely looked into the place and did your due diligence, and you can likely have a very safe isolated visit if your mom's situations allows for it in your area. You'll likely have window visits and lots of video (facetime/duo/zoom) visits. Hopefully where you are, outdoor visits will be made available soon. I don't know if that's possible geographically with weather in your area, but that's happening here where temps + outdoor heater lamps allow for in person visits soon again.
My heart goes out to you for this added heavy weight on what is already a difficult transition time. Wishing you and yours some peace and all the best, and will be keeping good thoughts for you!

Bring responsible for an elderly parent is difficult in the best of circumstances. Put a type of dementia on top of that and it's even more impossible to keep them safe. Their safety and professional care is the top priority. The pandemic has changed our lives and is something we can't control. We just have to accept that and deal with it the best we can. Either way, the dementia patient is going to be confused, disoriented, upset, with or without Covid restrictions.
My father was already in ALF when the lockdowns hit. The ALF had strict protocols which were successful as they did not have one case of Covid. I completely understood the no visitors policy. I had not seen my father (96) since FEB 2020. They brought in Hospice in April and he died in May (NOT Covid related.) They offered to let me in at the end, but with my health issues and other factors, I couldn't take the risk and declined. They completely understood that too. He was unconscious and wouldn't have known I was there anyway. I had watched my mother dying 17 months prior and I could not go through that trauma again. I know I did everything I could, making sure he was safe and cared for, and I have NO guilt. I realized a while back that no matter what or how much you do for them, they are not going to be happy and they are not going to get better. Life is terminal. It is what it is.

I felt like you were just venting as really no suggestion we make could change nothing about the situation. This is their right to have rules. Just like my dad's LTC wouldn’t let me visit during lockdown until he was on hospice and imminent in death. Whoopee! Got to see him right before he died when he was in a coma. So this is life now.

I didn’t think anyone gave hateful answers. But I do think you are feeling very vulnerable right now and sensitive, and things aren’t the way you thought they would be. Frankly I am surprised they weren’t forthcoming with how her move-in would be handled at this late date. So it sounds like you won't even get to visit after the move, right?

Nikki you are the only thing that you can control right now. So either you accept it as is, find a another place where you can be in her room with her, or bring her home. Those seem like the only choices. Yes it’s not easy as we all well know. But again, you are in control of the choices to be made.

There is nothing easy about this situation which covid has only made vastly worse.

I took my 93 yo mom out of her ALF after a hospitalization in May bc of covid. But after she gets her 2nd vax on March 10, I had planned to return her. I say “had” bc I am not sure she is capable enough to return. She has declined a lot in the last 10 months. If she had been in her ALF under covid restrictions, I’d have blamed that. But she’s been with me 24/7 and still, she has declined. My point is that there are no perfect solutions. It has taken me a long time to see that. As Ms. Randall said, we do the best we can under the circumstances we face at the time. And we cannot always fix things.

I am not sure what will happen with my mum (who has woken a half dozen times this morning calling for me in a panic like she was dying. I get there, nothing. Yesterday she was telling me about “Ann” who she says she has been staying with and is caring for her. She wanted me to call Ann to let her know where she was so Ann wouldn’t worry. I asked what Ann looked like. “Like you.” I thought so.)

Some days I feel I need to keep her with me bc only I can take care of her properly. Other times I feel I can’t do this another minute. Sometimes I think it wouldn’t matter where she was—exhibit A: “Ann”.

I share all this really to say nothing will be perfect. We cannot turn back the clock. But loving your mom and looking for what you feel is best for her is the best you can do. It is important you feel comfortable with the facility and their communication with you. I love the executive director at the place my mom stayed. I always felt the residents’ best interest came first. That doesn’t mean things did not go wrong sometimes.

Wishing you peace in this journey.

All I can say is hang in there. Your mom is in a safe place. She should have contact with many staff members throughout the day. We moved my mom into an assisted living facility in October, 2020. Fortunately we were able to set up her room, and even be there the day of the move-in which really helped. Unfortunately though, we have not been to her room since.

Visitation is in a screened in patio; they have the windows completely covered in plastic, but trust me, it's really cold out there. They have a couple heaters running, but they are kind of useless. I have limited my visits because I don't think spending time in a freezing cold area is smart, either for myself or my 91 year old mother.

My first statement was "hang in there" and then I go into something that is negative. It's not meant to take away from your hurt and concern. I am just grateful that my mom is in a facility where she is being taken care of. Her living at her own home was not a good idea. There are many unsafe things in her home, like the stairs (she would go down on her butt to do the laundry). Now laundry is done for her. Cooking is done for her. Housekeeping is done for her. She sees a doctor and/or nurse pretty regularly.

We have a lot of issues because mom is stubborn and can't hear. I have hooked her up with two different types of telephones, knowing full well that they worked just fine when I had them at my house. Somehow she changes the settings and can't hear at all. I have had to get in touch with staff many times to check on mom. They are very kind and follow through for me. Sometimes I feel like a pain in the neck to staff, but they are very helpful. There is a young man that works where mom is at who actually got on his hands and knees to hook her phone up to make it convenient for her to answer.

Hang in there. I hope you feel comfortable enough to reach out to family and/or friends through this transition. We (you and I) realize that the transition is very difficult on our loved one who is in the facility, but we also have a hard time with the transition. Take care, and if you stay in bed all day, that's okay. But please, be sure to wake up!

I think many of us feel exactly the same way. We want to escape from the horror of the pandemic and caring for loved ones and it can make us feel positively suicidal. But we would never do that to those we love and so we keep on going. You story is terrible. We have been robbed of what makes us human, hugs/closeness while being robbed of the person we love by inches. It is hard enough to be losing a parent or a spouse little by little without these regulations. They seem positively cruel. So look around for something or someone who might ease your pain for a bit because we hav no choice but to keep on going....

This pandemic has thrown into a total tailspin how to safely care for our elders. When the pandemic hit a year ago, I took my blind 95-year old mother out of Assisted Living and brought her home for the last 6 months of her life. We can't think of these as ordinary times. The usual solutions are not very satisfactory right now in terms of what we'd normally wish for our LOs. I found it's better to live it "one day at a time." With my mother living with me, I left my job to become a 24/7 caregiver sleeping outside her door, my husband having to move to another space because our apartment is too small for 3. Fortunately, my mother didn't require a special setting for dementia, which may be why you need your mother to be in a care setting. I was reminded of the privations of wartime and what people did to survive. Nothing is normal right now. Hang in there. I'm sorry for your shock and sadness. This pandemic will pass, but not yet, unfortunately. Bless your heart. Good luck!

You should be relieved. Covid precautions.

I personally don't just lie down and accept some of these over-the-top rules. There are exceptions and I insist on them when it comes to my mother with Alzheimer's! I do not accept words like, "new normal " and "standard procedure." Reasonable precautions are neccessary, but come on people! Read kathysjazz post regarding the CDC exception.
Good luck to you.

It is tough! But with Covid, these centers are being extra cautious. It is very sad, but the way it is right now.
If you took her to a good facility, they will take care of her. Call daily, multiple times. They will know you are involved. Talk often with the nurses.
Most of all, give yourself some mercy and grace. Time for self-care now.

This is probably going to be the normal for awhile. The currrent residents need protection from COVID exposure from her - and potentially her belongings. If you were planning on moving and setting up her room, find out exactly what the facility requires: masks, gloves, total body covering, laying down floor protection? You may find it is less expensive to hire a company already set up for this than to invest in the supplies for a one time move. You can ask the facility for a diagram of your mom's quarters and make a diagram of where everything should be placed.

Expect that your mother will be placed on COVID quarantine for 2 weeks. She will not be allowed visitors and her facility helpers will need to wear masks and gloves whenever they are in her apartment. Hopefully, after her quarantine period, you will be able to visit her more often. Please review the visitation policies of the facility. Ask questions before the move happens.

That is typical to protect the residents. When we moved Mom from rehab to a new Assisted Living facility, in summer luckily, they had outside visitation set up. We were able to meet her and sit outside and talk for a long time. The staff were so sweet and gentle with her, stopping to introduce themselves and talk TO HER as a person. It was an easy transition. You just have to give up control and rely on the staff to care for her. I visited as often as possible, called to talk to the nurses, got to know them and discuss Mom's preferences, difficulties, etc.

Here’s another tip! A device called GrandPad. It’s a tablet for seniors over 75 years old. Super easy to manage (by you) and use(by them). Simple icons Telephone (video or talk), pictures, emails or text.
LO doesn’t need to type, just speak! The recipient here’s their voice! My 89 year old Dad loves to get pictures from the grandkids and their families. The grandkids speak about the pictures, Dad hears their voice and can respond with a message.
He’s learned to call us on video (like FaceTime). Another benefit, you control who can call! If you don’t load their number, they cannot call! No spam! You don’t need WIFI, it uses data. I pay annually and it’s about $60 per month-includes the device. Also live help. You see the person you’re talking to and they are very kind!
Hope this is helpful to you all!

I had something similar happen. Here’s a best kept secret!
CDC guidelines allow up to 2 family members to be “Essential Care Givers” to your loved one, in a facility! 1. Must be over 18. 2. Must produce a negative Covid test, less than 48 hour old. 3. Must wear a mask or shield (I use a shield so my lo can see my smile) 4. Interactions take place in their room.
it’s helpful to have the guidelines available or printed. Talked to the Executive Director or Manager in charge. Don’t let them tell you, this is for end of life only! It states in the guidelines, it can be used for separation anxiety and compassionate care! Hope this helps! It has worked wonders for us!

I’m going though not the same but I feel the covid in how mean rude and no compassion for what our elders are facing after they have pretty much been isolated for over a year no groups eating, no bingo, no exercise, it so sad our elderly have been forgotten and there family are let to make life time choices it’s truly hard to do anything because of covid and have to do everything on phone or zoom is so impersonal for our love ones that our world not a number