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I can’t top that.
What I would add is that everything needs to be in writing, preferably with an attorney’s help: who is expected to do what, what the compensation is (if any), and so on. You would think that because it is family that would not be necessary but it is. Put it all in writing and keep accurate records of every dollar spent, every doctor’s visit, every prescription filled, etc.
“You have to live your life. That is what a loving parent wants. If the parent wasn't so loving, that's even more of a reason to get on with your life.”
him. Be careful and don’t sacrifice all of your own life
2. For anyone who wants to be totally free from caregiving/helping, I hope you get that freedom. I think many of us didn’t have that desire at the start. It all depends how long it goes on, how hard, how stressful…
3. When was the last time you felt free?
Please don’t sacrifice your life. You’re kind and nice. But there’s so much more to life than just being kind and nice.
You, like all the boys out there, deserve a full life. Don’t let anyone dim your expectations of all life has to offer. Don't think, “Others get to have that, but not me.”
You deserve a full life. You were not born to be a helper all your life. Guess who ingrained that idea into your head, thousands of years ago?
No more exploitation of women. Be a part of bringing an end to that. Otherwise you’re just continuing it.
Then clean up your house and mark and label things with names and dates and make a list of who gets what. Take all that extra "stuff" and donate it somewhere. Do a bag a day, a room a week, something like that. Ask for help if you need it. It's so hard on the family to do this later. AND it's much worse if the state comes in and takes over.
we all know that helping our LOs is EXTREMELY stressful. BUT what we don’t realize is that there’s all sorts of effects we’re unaware of. The stress you’re aware of: is ONLY the tip of the iceberg. In reality, you’re experiencing much more stress.
(By the way, the point about going back in time, is just an exercise in what warning you would give yourself. Often that warning can help others who read it. And actually often that warning, is something you should be counter-acting right now, not just past.)
After your comment, I started myself wondering what my future, 20 years from now, might look like. Same kind of questions as you…Am I eating awful pizza? Does it have mushrooms, which I hate?
Well…how good have I been at guessing my future in the past? I’ve sometimes been way off! Sudden obstacles that I never imagined. I didn’t expect my mom to suddenly get ill. My helping has derailed my plans for years.
Beatty, I wish us not to be broke in the future. And eating awful pizza.
We don’t deserve that. And I’m sure we’ll figure out a way, to a bright future.
“Is my future me fit & fabulous on a cruise somewhere?”
Yes Beatty. See you on the cruise!
Am I eating awful pizza, my DH umployed & me a broken wreck?
Or did we survive this period? The changes, job changes, the downsize, coped with family members & our own illnesses & treatments. All the life transitions..
Is my future me fit & fabulous on a cruise somewhere?
“Honor your parents…”
I’d honor myself, too.
Listen to InvisibleOne’s words:
“Please value your life, even when others do not.”
1. Watch out. Your mom will exploit you, financially, emotionally, psychologically, physically, and she WILL NOT CARE.
2. In fact, she’ll be happy that she’s ruining your life.
3. When was the last time she did something for you?? Something kind?? 5,000 years ago??
3. She doesn’t have your best interests at heart. Big understatement.
4. If you knew all of this about her, years ago, what would you have done? Do THAT now.