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Make her answer about the niece taking her. It is okay to force an answer and encourage others solutions.
Ask her doctor to prescribe home health, that is the 1st step.
Hugs! I hope that you can find something that makes you smile when you remember your brother on the anniversary of his passing. Help mom to remember the good times and love as well.
Your husband sounds like a lovely fellow- wasn’t he redoing her shower too? It sounds like he has his own issues with depression however. I am thinking going down to see your mother every free weekend will start to wear (ware?) on both of you. Doesn’t hubby also mow mom’s lawn?
He would be my first priority. He is your life and will be there long after mom passes (I hope) but he needs love and attention too.
Your mother has lived her life the way she wanted to. Now she has become stubborn and unwilling to compromise and expects you to just deal with her demands. She won’t pay a handyman to fix things, won’t entertain the idea of paying for outside help.
It’s a shame she wants to hold on to the farm. Can’t she sell a few acres to have the funds for upkeep? Having s farm is a lot of work- will she till the land and plant crops this year?
I don’t know much about your relationship with your husband but even well meaning people like your husband can get burnt out. Imagine working all week and wanting to stay home and relax on the weekends but instead drives hours to spend the weekend at his MIL house because he loves you and wants you to be happy.
I hope your pancreas procedure went well. I am thinking it was a stent insertion? Wild guess on my part.
Take care, Staff. I wish you the very best. Hang in there. Keep the faith.
Sending you a bazillion hugs 💗 !
The nurse is ordered into the home to assess need and then the SN can order the HHA. That may happen if she develops another foot ulcer.
Another option is private pay for an aide from an agency to come in once or twice a week to help bathe your mom.
When I did homecare I noticed the bath aide was requested more than me! It was difficult at times because the HHA’s were too busy or quit and/or then we had none.
Hygiene’s is super important.
I know placement is difficult. I dreaded that conversation with my father too. But you only have so much energy to go around and your mom needs to be in a safe place. When my father was safe in the MC, I felt so much better not having the constant stress worrying about what might be happening. If you can, get her PCP to tell her she cannot continue living alone and blame her move on the doctor at every opportunity.
I think 2020 you are going to need to make some decisions concerning Mom. Are you seeing signs of Dementia? Even if not, is she taking her meds correctly? Eating when she should to keep sugar levels stable? Sounds like she can no longer clean. Can't remember, do u have POA? Have her PCP give her a good physical, checking on that foot. Tell him what you are seeing. There is a decline here. It could be dementia it could be she isn't taking her meds correctly. If he says 24/7 care is needed, explain that physically and mentally you can't care for her. Mention ur Anorexia. Also, DH has his health problems. Get him to document his findings. Have him talk to Mom directly and tell her she can no longer care for herself and she needs to consider an AL.
Hopefully with the farm you can sell it or split it up and sell parcels to cover Moms care. No, she won't like it but its what she needs now. As a diabetic, she could lose that foot. You need to explain that you r not in the place you can care for her. The stress would not be good for ur recovery.
I hope 2020 brings good things. Don't feel guilty about ur decisions. Its what is best for Mom and you. Please, do not bring her to live with you. Let others do the caring for u.
Your husband is a trooper, you are right to put his and your needs first.
As Barb asked, can you get visiting nurses? Something is going to go septic with her lack of personal hygiene.
I hope that your follow up is great and you are healing from your surgery.
I am so sorry that you have these difficult challenges. I hope you are able to get solutions soon. Will you be seeing a wound care specialist?
Take care. Hugs!