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I can clean DH's butt, but vomit would send me off the deep end.
Knowing your limits really does help. What made it easier for me with the BM's is that it goes in as food, and comes out as 'processed' food. Thinking that way, it no longer bothered me. And you can wear gloves. Just FYI, I prefer to use Baby Wipes to clean him. They do get expensive, but it's all about doing what we can handle. I also have Aloe Vesta Foaming Perineal Cleaner. That helps a lot too!
Is your Dad a Veteran? If so, the VA will supply "limited amounts" of supplies. I get the Aloe Vesta & 3 boxes of Adult Wipes monthly. I learned how to say Thank YOU, a long time ago, for anything given to us.
I totally understand. I had the struggle with both parents on these same issues. I started off helping them & it turned into a full time job. Your dad is probably aware that he needs help but to speak on the side of the parent, there are certain fears & thoughts that go Thru their minds as well. Encourage him- and know that agencies are expensive per hour.. & usually require a minimum of 4 hours. Maybe you can continue to talk with him & tell him that you can coordinate with an aide to help him. Does he have a church home or trustworthy person to ask for referral on hiring an aide? Can you ask his Dr, nurse or social worker? What a blessing you are to care for him!! You will be rewarded!! I know he appreciates you!!
So do you have choices. You can say no. You can refuse to be one of the options.
If not maybe you can get someone through an agency that is there to "help you" and he may accept that if someone is there to show you how to do something better or more efficiently he would accept that then after he has gotten to know the person you can sort of make an excuse to not be there for a visit, then another then another.
My advice to anyone having to do this is to approach it as a nurse would, and learn all you can about how to make the patient clean and comfortable. I learned that white rice would help with loose bowels, and how to use colloidal silver on the wound dressing. I actually got my Mom in better shape than the wound doctor and nurses at the nursing home had her. I won't kid anyone, this is the toughest thing I have ever done but approaching it as though I were a nurse with a patient and learning was the best way to handle the situation. I am wishing you all the best.
I'm an only-child, caring for my mom with multiple health problems/mobility issues and my stepfather who is blind. They are stubborn and often sort of "gang up on me" when I try to implement or even suggest any sort of change to make caring for them easier.
It is comforting to see that I am not alone, in feeling like I am just too exhausted or disgusted, at times to do some things. Thanks for reminding me that I'm not a bad person for occasionally crumbling under pressure!
All of the comments/responses were helpful as well. Trying to care for my parents on their terms is becoming almost impossible. Without siblings or family, it doesn't occur to me that personal boundaries are even an option. But I guess they are.
Thank you for posting and for replies!
In the meantime, bowel program isn't the most fun activity. My dad has a spinal cord injury too and my sister or I do the bowel program for him every day. However, my dad is compliant and seems to have "compliant bowels", thank goodness. We have music or TV on while we're doing it, and I spray nice natural air freshener for a pleasant atmosphere, and have a window open or the air purifier going. Still, there is only so much one can do...
I hope you can get some help with this so this task can be taken off your shoulders.
I'm so sorry, I know you have a lot on your plate caring for your own family and your dad. It is perfectly understandable that cleaning up after an adult bowel movement is not pleasant. I know you will do what you have to but I hope you can find another agency or nurse, or aid to assist your dad in the future.
I had do this for my dad as well. Sometimes I would have to take him into the shower so he could be clean and comfortable. I would wear disposable gloves like a nurse and use baby wipes to clean up as much as I could first. We all know how uncomfortable we would be if this is not handled properly or if there are tissues stuck.
Do the best you can. I don't know if there is another family member or friend that could assist you if needed.