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You really need to make an appt with Medicaid. Take all financials and insurance policies. Medicaid will require you to cash in any policies with cash in value. You can use these for prepaid burial.
So sorry your husband is like this. A good sit down is needed somewhere alone. He has to realize some of the stress will be lifted once his Mom is placed in a home. All her needs will be met. All he will need to do is visit.
I have also been reading up on the medicaid waiver and it seems to me that medicaid can do a recovery from ALL heirs, but it may not just be the waiver program. We are in for such a very bad time. :( So, I wonder how normal people can cover the cost of a facility or in home health care without any assistance. This is absolutely crazy! And I wonder, why do I care?
My husband has always been the type to let others do "the dirty work". I don't think he has ever heard the word "NO" in his life, especially not for the last 31+ years, my fault. Everything is. I now understand why some people commit suicide.
Or ... does he really want you to make the decisions? Are their other family members who would object if they knew that is how things are being handled? It sounds like you have already done much of the work leading to a decision. What if you take the final steps and then say, "MIL can move into Golden Acres on July 5th. You need to be there to sign some paperwork. I'll arrange for moving help." Would he be relieved, or angry? And later, "I've found a real estate agent I think we can work with in selling the house. She will be here at 7:00 Tuesday. You'll need to have your authorization papers to show her. She will also need to meet with MIL, but she wants to start with us."
What makes you think he may have early onset AD? Whatever is causing those symptoms may be interfering with him taking a reasonable approach to his responsibilities. If his general approach has been head-in-the-sand, AD symptoms may intensify that. Most married people love their spouses in spite of their imperfections. It is entirely possible to love someone who has his head in the sand, and to want to save the marriage. But then there has to be some other mechanism to get things done. Are you willing for that to be you?
Yes, LITM, he now needs to do his part. He needs to understand that Mom is going to get worse. Is he willing to shower, dress and toilet her because you can't. He is the son, he needs to step up to the plate. He is now the parent and she is the child. Its now what she needs not what she wants.
What is the problem with that? Is he resisting making the decision? Does he want you to decide?