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My Mom is a gifted pianist and my Step-Father had a wonderful bass singing voice. That was part of their attraction to each other, they loved music. Me, I sang in the choir but was no way a soloist, if you know what I mean.
Since he loved to sing, I thought getting him started with a few songs would pass the time and have fun doing it. So, I started singing "Amazing Grace." I had not sang but a line or two when my Step-Father yelled "Whoa, Whoa, now, now, now. Let me help you out with that." And he began to sing and I shut up. I couldn't help laughing to myself and muttering, "everyone is a critic."
That's not the only time someone hasn't liked my singing. I was rocking my infant Grand-Daughter, only a few months old. I started singing Rock a Bye Baby, on the tree top when suddenly this precious baby girl whom I adored, placed her tiny hand over my mouth and held it there. After that, I just rocked her. : P
While I was there, Dad started to get up from his recliner and the alarm beeping started. Dad had this grin on his face and said "I wish the hospital wouldn't keep serving me beans".
Totally tops my story about the time I left eggs boiling on the stove and forgot about them while I showered....smelled this horrible stench and ran out to the kitchen wrapped in a towel, just in time for the eggs to explode into millions of eggshell shrapnel pieces. I dove to the floor, now naked (having dropped the towel) and curled into the fetal position to protect vital parts.
You know what, I still enjoyed my coffee that day as I went from almost tears to hysterical laughter after that experience.
It's just another story to tell the grandchildren when they get a little older. Oh, yes I can hear it now, "Hey Mam, something happened to me today, it was so embarrassing!" and I'll say, "Sit down Child, have I got a story for you."
im sorry but youve been upstaged . the crazy chick without any underwear has now totally displaced what i had going on there .
im going to buy a diamond engagement ring right now and youll be hearing back from me ,
momdoesntknowme .
thats some damm funny stuff .
gershun ,
that whole story has given me somewhat of semi erection .
let me explain .
intimacy cannot be realized unless vulnerability is displayed . when we lower our protective walls and acknowlege our human limitations , only then are we reachable to people who , just like us , are insecure ( humble ) .
mr sensitivity here ;
the guy who just walked into a hospital and punched his closest friend in the jaw to roust her from her induced and much needed slumber ..
ROFL
One morning I woke up and found there was no milk or creamer for my coffee and I will not drink it black. With a sigh, I threw on a t-shirt and those hippy jeans, you know the ones that barely hung on your hips. They were a little big on me, I didn't think to put on a belt, I needed my coffee fix.
The store was only a block away so off I went walking. I was on my way home with the creamer and, like most of us, we pick up a few other things while we are there. My arms were full of paper grocery bags. I was thinking how good my freshly brewed coffee would taste.
I decided to jay-walk in the middle of the block. As I took a few steps into the street, here came a car, squealing tires, headed right for me. Quickly, I decided I had better pick up my pace. Just then I saw another car coming from the opposite direction, oh boy, now I really needed to haul butt. I only had a few more strides and I would be safe. I was almost across the street when my jeans fell to my ankles, I managed to dive into the grass on the other side of the street to avoid the car hitting me.
I rolled around on the grass to gain my composure. When I did, I saw that I had forgotten to put on underwear.
Yes, folks this is my life................
Anyway, one day I took her to the Dr. to check her vision. As soon as she sat down in the exam room she decided she no longer wanted the chewing gum in her mouth. She spit it in her hand then tried to toss it in the garbage can a few feet away. The gum was stuck to her hand but some had landed in the garbage. She kept flipping her hand to try to get the rest in the can, the string from that gum started. I jumped up to assist her with a tissue but by that time the gum was still on her hand, to the garbage can (a few times), to the arm of the chair, on her clothes, stringing it all over the place including the floor. I was really embarrassed about that, but managed to get that mess cleaned up when the Dr. opened the door.
He said his pleasantries then moved that large contraption close to her face, you know the one the Dr. says, can you see better here or here, etc. As he was doing that she said, "Oh no, I can't wear that, it's too heavy and too big for my face and what will people think of me." She thought those would be her new glasses, I lost it.
Well, I couldn't believe it when she said as loud as she could " G*d D**n it, Andy, where are you?" Oh my, some of the Aides and I were trying to keep from laughing.
theres plenty of humor out there to sustain us but it isnt going to present itself . you have to go looking for it sometimes . the comment sections of the DAILY MAIL can usually be counted on for a good coffee spittin , especially if the article is about relationships .
CRACKED magazine online has some great writers too . the magazine is usually about debunking things that weve always thought to be true -- so -- you learn some interesting thing and learn to look at things from a more " cracked " perspective .
Man, I miss her.
Mom was always a pretty funny, happy lady in her younger days. In her last few years though, with dementia setting in, she became more quiet and reserved. She was always pretty modest and never one to tell dirty jokes (that was Dad's territory).
One day, we were watching TV when a commercial came on for a new show where a 40-something woman was trying to get a job with a younger crowd, and had been trying to blend in with the younger folks at her new job, so she went to the gym to work out with some of the girls (who were in their early 20s) from work. As they were dressing after their showers, they all took off their towels and the two younger women glanced over at the older one and gasped aloud, saying, "Oh my GOSH! Don't you WAX?!?" and "It looks like my MOTHER'S!!"
Mom laughed uproariously at this, then looked over at me and said, "I think mine's gone bald!!"
Thought I'd fall right off my chair in shock!
One day the speak therapist was working with her to pronounce the letters of the alphabet. A. B. C. Having Mom repeat each with her...D. E. F...then Mom looks at her and says, just as clear as can be....."what the heck are you trying to spell?"
Well, Ex-Mom-in-law went to France to visit her relatives [she was born and raised there] and she would travel every now and then. On her last trip I asked her how did she enjoy the visit.
She answered, "it was terrible, the only way I would go back would be if I were in handcuffs" :P
My Grand-daughter, who has just learned to use the bathroom needs a little help at night, (she just turned 3) just in case. One day she was helping me get Mom ready for bed asked me what Mom was wearing for underwear. I told her, Mom was just like her, she wears pull-ups. So, from then on that's what we call them.
One item she used to tell that made people laugh was one about that funeral home that was mentioned above.
It was a wake for a lady's husband. Someone walked up to her and said, "Mrs. Johnson, I'm so sorry about your husband passing, what did he die of?
Mrs. Johnson, with a sad, slow southern drawl said, "Well, he died from Hemorrhoids of the brain."
I wish I had the ability to find the humour in life, I'm just one of those who plod along with grim determination. I can remember I used to laugh when mom got herself muddled up and she'd say It's Not Funny. No, it really isn't.
This was during the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky grand jury. My Grandma was a hard-headed Republican who never had anything good to say about a Democrat, (we all know one, perhaps the other way around). She would have been watching the proceedings if she had her mind, so, I had the TV on for her.
This was the day President Clinton was testifying and it was a hard day for him. I walked by my Grandma and she said, "Miss, when am I going to have a chance to speak up for him."
Playing the role, I said,"Mrs. Davis, he's a Democrat, why would you want to say anything good about him?"
Grandma said, "Well, it seems he's having a bad day and everyone is talking bad about him and I thought I needed to get up and say something positive, to speak up for him because no one else is."
I then said, "Well, if you really want to do that, please wait until the proceedings are over and I'll ask the judge if you can speak, just remain in your seat."
I looked down at my Grandma and she had a big smile on her face and said, "Ok, I'll wait right here." And there she sat for the rest of the day.
One day she picked up the telephone, pointed the receiver into the room, and punched a couple of numbers. Nothing. So she punched them again. And again. Nothing happened. "I can't get this thing to work," she said. "I'm trying to get it on the game show network."
That was 6 years ago. I think it's the last funny thing she did. :-)
I thought about this one. My same Grandma, from above, is now 101 years old and it's 1999. She has had several mini-strokes and was now bed-fast in a hospital bed. Two dozen times, in the course of the first year, I told her I had pets but with stroke victims they loose their short term memory. One day my Chow-Chow walked by her bed. She immediately said, "Hey, there is a bear in here, it's going to poop all over the house!" (Notice she wasn't worried about us being injured or killed by the bear, she was only interested in it pooping). Instead of telling her once again that it was my dog I replied, "Oh good, I'll save the poop for your garden." She then said, "Well, I never heard what bear poop will do for the soil." She didn't hardly get those words out of her mouth when my cat walked by. Grandma shouted, "Now, there goes a bunny rabbit and it's going to poop all over the house, too! But save that poop, I heard it's good for the garden."