By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Do not get her tea, but make her get it herself. If she can't decide on a tea kettle, then she uses her old one.
Bottom line: you MUST STOP. Do not allow yourself into guilt. You don't deserve that. All you're doing is enabling her and making yourself sick. STOP. While it's hard to take a stand and say NO, it's much easier and less time consuming then enabling her for the rest of her life--or yours. If she needs a hand learning her bill reminder, then teach her; if she refuses, then her bills are her responsibility, period.
sue888 above has great advice. Tough love is called "tough" for a reason. It's hard, but in the long run you'll all be better off and healthier.
I was your age 5 years ago when my dad passed. He and my mom were waiting to move into an independent apartment in a continuing care community. The apartment was being built and there was an 18 month wait. When dad died my mom immediately moved in with my husband, son and I because she said she could not live alone. My dad was like yours. He did EVERYTHING for my mom. He was the social director, cook, cleaner, handled finances etc. My mom was the princess and didn't know how (or chose not to) do anything for herself. I immediately took the role of my dad.
She camped out in my family room watching old shows all day and expected to be waited on and go everywhere with us. My 16 year old son spent less and less time upstairs with us and more time in the basement. Weekends with my husband were no longer fun and relaxing.
I tried to teach my mom things like how to pump gas and go to the bank by herself. I encouraged her to get involved in things and take walks etc. She wasn't interested. She was content to sit and watch tv and wait till I made meals or took her out. I think I aged ten years doing those 18 months. I was at the doctors office with all kinds of pains and problems and had all kinds of tests.
After 18 months my mom moved into her apartment. Within a month all my health problems disappeared. It's amazing what stress can do to you. It was difficult for my mom to live on her own but there was no excuse for her not to. I've learned to set boundaries and not enable her. I learned the more I do for her the less she will do for herself.
She still sits and watches tv all day and does not get involved in the activities that are offered and I've finally realized that that's her choice. She has met a group of women that she eats with every night and I am happy for that. I live my own live now, call to check up on her and take her to lunch and shopping once a week and bring her to our home ocasionaly on a weekend . She does try to make me feel guilty by saying that she is lonely at times but I remind myself that it's her choice and I can't be her social life.
Is it possible to get your mom to move to an independent living apartment where there would be other seniors her age?
Have you thought about moving house?