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Unfollow your sister for now. What you don't see won't hurt u or get u mad.
One thing both my brothers did was thank me for what I did for Mom. But...they hardly saw her or called. My one brother, who lives 8 hrs away, told my husband he couldn't see my Mom that way. I understand but I dealt with it every day. I would love to get into peoples heads and see how they think. Why out of 3 children or more, one is expected to do it all while the rest go on their merry way. But when the parent dies, they are right there for the money that maybe left.
If you are Executor of parents wills, make sure you take your 6%. You are entitled to it.
Take pride in knowing you are doing the right thing.
The problem is she will need your kindness and compassion some day and you will probably give it to her because that is the kind of person you are. God designed you the way you are and I would celebrate that because you and I both know it is a WAY better life choice than the world she has chosen.
You carry so much anger within, that it can make you sick.
First know, that it is normal to harbor anger about relatives who claim to care but do nothing concrete to help, other than send prayers and good wishes. Keep your expectations low. This way, if anyone does do something helpful, it will be a pleasant surprise and you will not be disappointed with low expectations.
I sometimes feel the need to vent too, because I am chief caretaker for my mother and trying to keep her in her own home.
My sister is out of town and does very little outside of phone calling once a week. We see her maybe for 3 days every 2 years!
It is so easy to burn out. Take some ME time each day to do something positive...like reading a good book, soaking in a tub, etc.
Think about it though...are you doing what you hope someone would do for you if you needed it? Are you doing, ,what is in your heart.... the right thing? If yes, then you are acting out of love and I hope you give yourself some credit.
Stay away from Social Media too...in a study they found it can cause depression in some people.
Remember that this stage of your life will not last forever. Do the best you can, take time out for yourself, low expectations of others and remember that this too, will not last. Good luck
I have email addresses for most of the friends and family I wish to communicate with and share things with them in an email. It takes more time to send the same message over and over to different people, but then strangers don't get to see what I am saying or the photos I am sharing.
And I can customize the email to the person I am sending it to. I don't have to send something every day either, just when I have something new to share.
It would be hard to tell on Facebook what is true and what is blather when it is being posted for many to see. Some people really have to keep building themselves up or promoting a cause or line of thinking. I find my approach eliminates a lot of that so I don't have to deal with it emotionally.
My sister and I along with my brother had a decent relationship before my parents needed so much help. I believe the main reason they are turning their backs on me is because they cannot handle giving up any of their lives or time to help me or my parents.. my sister cannot handle the dementia aspect of it ... at all. All my siblings began backing away when it became obvious my dad had dementia.. and then my mom.
The one incident that made her completely turn away was when I really really needed help. My dad was in the hospital with pneumonia, my mom was at my house with bronchitis, I had a cold and a big project due at work that week. This was the one time I explicitly asked for help... my brother said it "wasn't a good time for him".. go hire someone.. this was a living nightmare for me. My sister just flat out didn't answer my calls or texts.. so relationship with them has been very strained. .. especially from that point. (almost 2 years ago)
My mom's sisters.. I believe are the same.. they don't want to face the fact that she has dementia. My mom has a sister that lives here in town that has never gone to see her in the memory care she is in.
My parents birthdays (and mine) come and go .. with no acknowledgement.. so when I see her lavishly wishing cousins who she hasn't seen in years happy birthday... it is very hard... as well as calls to pray for this or pray for that.
If there are things that you feel have been eating at you and you want to express to her then by all means do so. Compose a letter, hold it for a day, and if it feels right send it. Let it be heartfelt and not angry but let her know how her ignoring behavior is hurtful. Then unfollow her on Facebook unless you like getting your blood pressure up. I’ve had to unfollow a cousin who thinks we are interested in her every thought and is an "overposter" and a couple of friends who post extreme right wing crap that is absurd. Then I enjoy seeing about my friends. I agree Facebook has its good and bad points. I am in a couple of groups, one for my harp, for birdwatching, and for butterflies and those are great!
Sometimes I wish I was an only child.. I might as well be.. and I wouldn't have to know that my parents have children who don't care at all about them .
”Its always nice to see your posts so I know you’re still doing well, since I haven’t heard from you in so long. Just a reminder Moms birthday is _____, and Dads is ______. I’m sure they’d love to hear from you too.”
A little passive aggressive? Maybe, but who cares.
I did post the below video yesterday (not sure we can post youtube video's .. we will see.) of course there were no likes or comments on it (as expected)... hopefully she knew it was directed at her tho.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzaFp1QsW8Q
Or, for YOUR peace of mind and heart, block her and put her out of your life like she has you and your parents.
Unfollowing someone leaves them as a friend but removes them from your news feed; I use this when someone posts a lot and/or posts a lot of stuff I don't really want to see. Since they are still a friend, they can see my posts, I can see their comments on mutual friends' posts, and I can occasionally pull up their wall and look over their posts just in case there is something I would be interesting in seeing.
Like SnoopyLove - for the most part I just don’t get the appeal. My hubby goes on a couple of times a day - keeps in touch with old army buddies and family on the other side of the country. If it weren’t for FB we wouldn’t have a clue as to what his daughter is up to.
I opened a FB account so I could see pics of my step grandkids. I have all of 14 “friends” and go on about twice a month. I post even less - maybe six times a year. As well, I’ve made my page ultra private so that anybody other than my “friends” only see the header along with my name. Even then I never use a pic of myself or my home in my profile pic or the background pic.
My two brothers and their wives are constantly posting about their fabulous lives, fancy houses and luxurious vacays. After any given weekend there are multiple pics of their fab weekends. One weekend I decided to follow suit and posted pics of my weekend... The parking lot at the grocery store, the menu board at Starbucks drive-thru, the vacuum cleaner in the middle of the living room, etc. Cracked me up but I’m pretty sure they didn’t see the humor in it and my point likely went over their heads.
I have also blocked a cousin who posted dozens of times a day - usually hard-core right wing rhetoric that chapped my hide. As Jeannegibbs says - who needs it?
And - there is a way to block people without them knowing they’ve been blocked - in case you’re worried about making people ticked off.
But I have gradually learned to exert some control over what I see. I no longer see ads for quack diabetes cures. I have unfriended just a couple of people because their bigotry is disgusting to me. I have a friend who shares beautiful photographs I love to see, but I skip all of her religious posts. I've never dropped anyone because of their political views, but I have dropped a few who express their views in very hateful terms. Who needs that?
The internet brings us an amazing assortment of material. It is up to us to pick out the pieces that are uplifting or informative or useful to us. No body can take in ALL the information that comes at us.
In your case, katiekay, I suggest you either simply stop visiting FB altogether, or you at least block the people whose posts make you unhappy. Who needs to invite unhappiness into our homes? Enough comes in without our permission!
As SnoppyLove says, "If it's not serving you, why not get rid of it?"
You could friend me on FB, and we could share lovely sunrise pictures. But opt out of disturbing connections.
Apparently, there are studies showing increased negative moods, depression, etc. in a lot of people linked to use of Facebook. If it's not serving you, why not get rid of it?
You just need to decide whether you want to hurt yourself by following her or even checking her page.