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You all are not alone.. we should exchange phone numbers for our elders maybe they could talk on the phone to each other.. LOL 😆 💗
But...when I am quiet, everyone thinks I am mad, so I can't win....
My grandmother was a talker and wow, she had some stories! I LOVED spending time with her, and in fact 25 years after she's been gone, I still think to pick up the phone and call her---and my other grandma too. I spoke to or saw each of them every week. As my own mom is not interested in anything but herself, spending time with her is a joke, I am just so glad I had these other 2 wonderful women in my life. I felt like God was making up to me for the lack of 'mothering'.
As the grandma to 14 chatterboxes, all I can say is the best gift you can give them is to listen and listen and be there for them. The tweens are already starting to give us attitude and they'll talk to me but not to their own moms. I hope to be close to them in the way they need.
Sadly, some people are very silent and talking to them is actually painful--but as one neighbor said to me recently "I love to hear your antics and stories" so maybe being a chatterbox isn't the worst thing in the world.
Some nice ways to respond:
"that's interesting, but I've got to do XYZ right now, can you tell me about it later?"
"I just have 5 minutes, then i have to XYZ".
Some other ways to respond:
"sorry, I don't engage in gossiping"
"that's not a subject that I'm interested in"
"you know I don't talk about politics (religion or whatever)"
Other times, you're just stuck listening!
Her habit is to say, “you know what I mean”, Over and over. We all try to never ask a question because then we will really get an ear full. She’s so bad that my aunt, 92 with dementia, will leave the room to get away from it. Her MIL, my DH, sister says that she has “ a lot of information”. I tried to talk to her about it once and it hurt her feelings. She is a very nice person but oh my can she talk. She’s only about 50. I’ve known her for 30 yrs and she has always been this way. So not an old person thing. From this thread I guess it’s not as unusual as I thought.
And (thank you, coyote) the ones who string together 6 sentences to deliver 1 sentence’s worth of info.
And.
Most mega-talkers have the co-morbidity of being terrible listeners.
The Most Egregious ChatBot in my life takes way too long to make her point. Then makes it again 2x or 3x or 4x.
She has notoriously poor recall of her talk tornados.
And - not surprising, I guess - my contribution to the convo rarely registers with her.
So......
During our next encounter or phone call, our older overblown convos are frequently recapped, repeated or semi-repeated. AAARGH.
I have gone low-contact. It’s a zero-sum game.
I struggle with feeling that I should be more available to her. Because....
My Most Egregious ChatBot is a lifelong relative. (My only relative, at this stage of my life.)
Unlike so many, my Most Egregious ChatBot does mean well. She just can’t see beyond the end of her own nose. And goes Off The Rails when she has an audience.
And “goes turbo” with me. Because one of her fave topics is The Rampant Pain, Abuse & Addiction In Our Family: Early 1900s To Present.
Touche’ - I’m her only relative, too. So every once in a while, I indulge My Most Egregious ChatBot.
It it takes a lot out of me.
My mother has a worse habit. When she is not talking, she turn to us and demands: "say something! talk to me!" I don't know about you, but I find impossible to produce a subject like so, in the fly.
Some say it's a matter of personality. I am ok with being in silence with someone for hours, but that's not for everyone.
I once asked her why she talks to herself all the time. Her answer? "I need to hear myself talking so I'll know that I'm still alive."
😳