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You did the right thing, you will find peace and be less guilty as time passes.
Bless you
Got an earful today of wild stories about how nobody ever comes in to see her or care for her, and how the doctor is having an affair with the nurses. How she uncovered the truth, she saw it.
All part of her dementia. But, wow! Just wow. I have to say, it breaks my heart.
Often just becoming parent to those who were parents to us can be overwhelmingly stressful.
We know, or should know, that “wants to be home” means not a place or a building or a location, but rather “wants to be who she was and how she felt on the VERY BEST DAY of the life she lived” before Time deprived her of her independence and best sense of self. And we also know that the “being home” she pleads for and demands is the one thing we can never give her.
And we know too, that it’s not our responsibility, much less our fault, that we can’t. And from that, we have to attempt to derive a measure of Peace with what we've done FOR her, and move forward.
There will be time for “should have, would have and could have” but right now live in the moment supporting your sister and being there for your mother as she prepares to pass.
Yes we all feel guilt. But under the circumstances there is no place for that now.
We do the best we can in our lives and as long as generally we are respectful going through life, that’s good enough. Always try to do better.
If you feel guilt about your blow out with a staff member then maybe after this is over make a point to set that right. You’ll feel better. Health care workers face families in crisis that act before they think. We are humans, and not perfect. They know that.
Thinking if you Sego, during this difficult time.
( only me even though siblings were there as well.I am the one who lives close by)
She was living at home ( with my younger brother who cant keep a job and has mental issues) sitting in a dark room, having few outsiders come to visit..wasnt eating well and bad hygiene. Etc.. had to force her to even get her hair done once or twice a year! She is good physical shape but wouldn't take opportunities we tried to take her to or encourage.
Moved her into a wonderful facility and staff has been amazing..she is eating 3 meals a day..getting her hair done ev every week, participating in Bible studies, music programs, bingo, etc.. However, she is furious with me and I have not been able to visit or talk with her very much because she insisits on going home and " why on the hell did I leave her there!" (From a woman that never cusses.) They took her phone away, but whenever she is bored or agitated, she sneaks in office and calls me leaving mean or pitiful messages..telling me how miserable she is and I know not true because I have seen pictures of her having the time of her life..( even had a friend that was a stranger to mom go visit to check it out..she says amazing place) we hired sitters to be there temporarily when she is Sundowning in late afternoon and evening so she won't get thrown out aggravating staff and she is not quite ready for memory care.
So, all that to say ..I KNOW we did the only thing to keep her safe and give her opportunities to enjoy each day, socially and mentally..but still the guilt!!! This is NOT a fun journey..still trying to work and have some kind of life..but the sneak she is managed to borrow or find a phone to make sure I am miserable. MAY God grant us all the grace to live through our aging parents!
I can pitch a fit like nobody's business, complete with profanity.and I did. Not proud of it.
Our mom put on hospuce about 3 weeks ago. (Godsend). I was so so,pissed wanted to,move our mom.,hospice said, don't. You will be disappointed. This is one if the best ones in state.
It took me two days to process that and multiple phone calls.all of these facilities have issues. Turnover being number one. Communucation between clinical and admin staff right up there too.
People we don't put our pets through this.
But you have To put that aside and look at the here and now. This is tough. Not for faint of heart.
But seriously, you have To protect from themselves. And it puts you in a terrible situation. I know. So many here do too.
All of y'all dealing with or facing, I have you in my heart.i know. Many here do.
rest up and do the best you can by her - visit, bring her treats and participate in her life - it makes a difference that you will feel good about - so many are forgotten once put in a facility