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Signing off, nana from Ohio
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Donna
that is excellent advice! I do something like that myself and it does work. You do have to do it many times before they get it and sometimes they forget so you have to remind them. What you wrote clarifies it in simple terms. Sounds like that book is very good. I might have to get it. I sent your information to some other ladies here. They are under a different category. Thanks so much.
Cindi
I just saw a book entitled "Elder Rage" by Jacqueline Marcell on another post. She said that we have to start start setting some boundaries and use behavior modification, which will be very effective.
She said that we first need the “Jacqueline Marcell Emotional Shield.” Put it on every day and then don’t let anything that they say bother you. Allow all of the negativity to bounce right off you. Then after they make a nasty comment, or do something out of line, say calmly, “Oh Mom or Dad, I love you, but that wasn’t very nice to say. You know, when you are ready to talk nicely to me—I’ll be back”. And then just leave the room. No arguing, no yelling, no attitude, just set your boundary EVERY time.
If you do this enough, they'll start to get it. And then most importantly, when they are being nice to you, be sure to acknowledge it, give compliments, throw in a gentle touch, hug or kiss—and you will be sure to get lots more of that behavior.
Good Luck!
Cindi
Of course your child comes first, there should be no question about that. Don't allow them to put you in a guilt mode.
You must put a stop to this - take action. You'll need to step back and only do when it's absolutely necessary for you to do so.
Are you being paid to be their caregiver? Even so, you should still be treated with respect and allow them to do the things that they are capable of doing on their own. If you're not being paid, and if they have Medicare or any other supplemental insurance, you need to see about getting paid.
They are financially abusing her, but I won't allow her to get to the other money that I have in a savings account for her. Therefore, I am the villan.
I know that I have to die to self, in order for God to heal me and in order for me not to take this personal. It's so very hard and I am trying to get on track with this.
Family is something else and can be your worse nightmare.
We must take action, as talk is cheap and we need to add more value to our talking by doing it.
I'll be praying for you.