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She was there the night we brought him back from re-hab. He had had a stroke because he refused to take his meds. He was frail, and willing to have assistance twice a day. She hasn't left. he has no idea that she gets paid. As far as he knows she is just a kind soul.
I do not know what to tell you. waiting for her to be hospitalized seems extreme. The pill bags work because you can count them easier than the pills in each bottle. And you know one pill hasn't been double dosed or forgotten. I was numbering them with the date or the day, but he has no clue to either of those, even with a news paper in his hand. Call her doctor and ask them for suggestions. If nothing else you will have a record of having called them with the problem, and it will not look like you are being neglectful. I hope I am willing to allow my son to do his best for me, without resisting him, but when dementia moves in, we just do not know how we will behave.
Dad got so mad at us for trying to keep him on his pills...we are still being punished for that. But he will take them for his care giver.
I REALLY want to do what is right, and am unprepared for this stubbornness.
He can not remember from moment to moment, and all days look alike to him, so he is SURE that he has taken pills, when he hasn't. The pill caddy just did not work.
I make little zip lock packages of his pills, am & pm. She puts them into a pill cup and hands him water and that's that.
However, your question of when do we leave our parents alone to their own demise? I do not know. I think they arrest us for that now.